Cognitive Schemas learned during childhood.

[LightSun]

Cognitive Schemas hidden in a persons belief system.

“Unrelenting and Unbalanced standards: This schema refers to two related beliefs. Either the person believes that whatever they do is not good enough and that they must always strive harder.

There is excessive emphasis on values such as status, wealth and power at the expense of other values such as social interaction, health or happiness.

Usually these clients' parents were never satisfied and gave their children love that was conditional on outstanding achievement."

Emotional deprivation: This schema refers to the belief that one's primary emotional needs will never be met by others. These needs include nurture, empathy, affection, protection, guidance and caring from others. Often parents were emotionally depriving to the child.

"Social isolation Alienation: This schema refers to the belief that one is isolated from the world, different from other people, and / or not part of any community.

This belief is usually caused by early experiences in which children see that either they, or their families, are different from other people."

Social Undesirability: This schema refers to the belief that one is outwardly unattractive to others. People with this schema see themselves as physically unattractive, socially inept, or lacking in status.

Usually there is a direct link to childhood experiences in which children are made to feel, by family or peers, that they are not attractive.

Undeveloped Self: this schema refers to the sense that one has too little individual identity or inner direction. There is often a feeling of emptiness or of floundering.

This schema is often brought on by parents
who are so controlling, abusive, or overprotective that the child is discouraged from developing a separate sense of self.

"Undeveloped Self: This schema refers to the sense that one has too little individual identity or inner direction. There is often a feeling of emptiness or of floundering.

This schema is often brought on by parents who are so controlling, abusive, or overprotective that the child is discouraged from developing a separate sense of self."

 

[LightSun]

“We all project realities. The problem is when a parent who has issues project their unrealistic expectations unto a child.

They never allow the child to come into their own. For this to happen a parent needs to be non-judging and supportive. They would provide love, nurture and reasonable proper boundaries.

They would welcome the child’s independence of thought and take the child’s interests, thoughts and feelings into account.

Sadly there are too many parents that are not qualified to have children of their own. I have seen an alarming trend where generally speaking dysfunction brings dysfunction.

It is a cycle that will not dissipate until we instill new ways of addressing children’s needs and what are needed ingredients in early education that are now missing.” LightSun

 

[LightSun]

“We are shaped and molded from birth by our parenting and early life experiences. We are a product of societal, peer and parental expectations, norms, ideals, values and mores.

They become part of our unconscious in the form or cognitive schemas. Most people aren’t aware we are a projective species. We project unto others and life our reality of values and ideals.

Once we discover this truth, it behooves is to be more self aware. I am responsible for my own thoughts, feelings, speech, writing and actions irregardless of external situations or people.

Then it is a discovery of self, a deeper self before one finds a clearer and truer self. That is to find one’s gift and use it for the betterment of society.

We are prisoners of our own thoughts, and our belief system. We all are a product of our times. We process all the societal, parental, and peer expectations, norms and notes into our belief system.

They all form a part of what is referred to as cognitive schema. People project their version of reality unto others. Real and external reality is the projection screen like in a movie theater.

We unconsciously and unknowingly project unto others our subjective values and ideals.
Ultimately what is inside is manifest outside. That means if your soul, mind and heart is pure you keep a positive or at least an objective realism.

Those that are negative only project the phantoms of their own unresolved issues, unconscious conflicts, emotional baggage and unhealed aspects of a psychic wound.

They may fool themselves that that have self righteous indignity and have a right to be negative and disparaging.

They are triggered. There may be aspects of a real concern. But it is masked by cognitive distortions in the thought process.

This truth is camouflaged from the person spewing their pollution of unresolved issues unto others and reality.

I am responsible for my thoughts, feelings, speech, writing and actions. No one can force us to be negative.

Those who are negative are triggered. They blame the situation, reality or people for their emotions.” LightSun

 

[LightSun]

“It is essential to raise children with love, nurture and proper boundaries. I have an analogy. Parents are in a sense our gods.

They can shape and mold a child with the above ingredients to help raise a child with good self. A healthy self concept leads to good mental health. The parents are molding the child.

Imagine a potters wheel. If the parents are healthy and well adjusted they can make a straight vase (child). If the parents aren’t well adjusted themselves they mold a vase that is crooked.

Also imagine a seedling. If is planted with love, nurture and proper boundaries the tree (child) grows up straight to the sun. If the child did not have enough of the 40 resiliency attributes the tree (child) grows up crooked.

A myth of time heals all wounds. It has been shown by research studies that 2/:3 of children growing up in a dysfunctional home go on for the rest of their lives have one or more issues.

Issues like mental illness, substance abuse, jobs, relationships. 1/3 somehow overcome the obstacles. Perhaps they had excellent genes or had another adult figure to help guide them and be a role model.

As a perfectionist most of my life, I know overcompensating is not necessarily a good thing. I’ve seen heat on the abortion issue. The Pro-Life people are condemning at least 2/3 of saved children who will statistically have a host of issues.

Then the republicans won’t pay for societal programs to help these statistically unwanted children. For many who are case studies for these startling statistics, they will not have a quality life.

Indeed many of those growing up in these adverse, dysfunctional scenarios would prefer they never be born rather than a lifetime enduring dysfunctional lives.” LightSun

 

[Mind Maverick]

Either the person believes that whatever they do is not good enough and that they must always strive harder.
There is excessive emphasis on values such as status, wealth and power at the expense of other values such as social interaction, health or happiness.
Usually these clients' parents were never satisfied and gave their children love that was conditional on outstanding achievement.

I resemble this on a surface level, but I am nothing like it in reality. My underlying motives behind my improvement are healthy and I don't place value on people according to things like status. I strive because I hunger and the rewards (which are health, happiness, etc.) "taste" good. I don't do it out of feeling "not good enough." I believe humans have value simply by being a life. I'm no exclusion. I believe people lose value through character (murder, rape, as extreme examples). I strive because I won't allow the abusers in my past to take away my chances at a good life. They had enough control already, I'm not giving them more by leaving my psyche damaged and unhealed.

That said, I was raised with conditional love based on achievement. I am valuable as I am, but I love being better and better. I'm proud of myself and my accomplishments, but they don't determine my worth.

That said, I think this is a very black and white view you have here. There are many possible motives underlying the actions that seem identical to onlookers who only see the surface level, aka what is done rather than why it is done. People can know "what" easily, but "why" is far more difficult to know. You can't look at "what" and associate it with only one possible "why." It's just too linear.

 

[LightSun]

“I’d say the greatest tragedy is growing up in a household that due to its toxicity, one never achieves their potential. Instead the individual will spend their lifetime trying to repair and overcome the damage done.

People can heal and overcome damage. It might instill in themselves a greater understanding of their deeper, core self. I go by scientific studies.

These are the statistics of resiliency studies done. 2/3 of children growing up in dysfunctional home’s for the rest of their lives have problems and issues in at least one of these areas.

This included jobs, mental health, substance abuse, crime and relationships. All because these children grew up in households to parents who should never have had children.

There is some called the 40 developmental assets required that if the child grows up such an atmosphere, they have the potential with opportunity to grow up as functional, happy, having good self esteem and good mental health.

This is barring any genetic component that would lead to a genetic basis of possessing mental health problems and issues. A hypnotist once told me that children are in a semi hypnotic state.

Parents are in a metaphorical sense like gods to their offspring. If a parent raises their child with love, nurture, and positive affirmations, the child grows up straight and true.

The child is as a seedling of a tree growing up with the aforementioned variables straight and true too the sun. The parent is also like a craftsman creating pottery.

With the aforementioned ingredients the parent help to create a beautiful vase. Children growing up in an adverse and dysfunctional home don’t grow up as a straight tree, but get created as a crooked tree or bent pottery.

We as a society don’t make standards for people to have children. All people have children whether they are capable enough or not.” LightSun

 

[LightSun]

“A hypnotist once told me that children are in a semi hypnotic state. Parents are in a metaphorical sense like gods to their offspring.

If a parent raises their child with love, nurture, and positive affirmations, the child grows up straight and true.

The child is as a seedling of a tree growing up with the aforementioned variables straight and true too the sun.

The parent is also like a craftsman creating pottery. With the aforementioned ingredients the parent help to create a beautiful vase.

Children growing up in an adverse and dysfunctional home don’t grow up as a straight tree, but get created as a crooked tree or bent pottery.

These are the statistics of resiliency studies done. 2/3 of children growing up in dysfunctional home’s for the rest of their lives have problems and issues in at least one of these areas. These areas are mental illness, substance abuse, crime, relationships and jobs.” LightSun

 

[LightSun]

“Another person cannot hurt you without your cooperation; you are hurt the moment you believe yourself to be.” Epictetus

“This is not true when it comes to children. A hypnotist once told me that children are in a semi hypnotic state. Parents are in a metaphorical sense like gods to their offspring.

If a parent raises their child with love, nurture, and positive affirmations, the child grows up straight and true.

The child is as a seedling of a tree growing up with the aforementioned variables straight and true too the sun.

The parent is also like a craftsman creating pottery. With the aforementioned ingredients the parent help to create a beautiful vase.

Children growing up in an adverse and dysfunctional home don’t grow up as a straight tree, but get created as a crooked tree or bent pottery.

These are the statistics of resiliency studies done. 2/3 of children growing up in dysfunctional home’s for the rest of their lives have problems and issues in at least one of these areas. These areas are mental illness, substance abuse, crime, relationships and jobs.” LightSun