Causing others pain and offence

[theablekingedgar]

What do you do if your mere presence causes others pain and offence? I see no reason to acquiesce since it's not my problem.

 

[Obfuscate]

ummm... that is hard to awnser without context... sometimes a person just doesn't belong in a space at a particular time... other times people are just assholes that need to lighten up... sooo... yeah, i have no real awnser unless you are more specific...

 

[theablekingedgar]

ummm... that is hard to awnser without context... sometimes a person just doesn't belong in a space at a particular time... other times people are just assholes that need to lighten up... sooo... yeah, i have no real awnser unless you are more specific...

no specificity. just an open question.

 

[Lark]

What do you do if your mere presence causes others pain and offence? I see no reason to acquiesce since it's not my problem.

Why do you think that your presence causes others pain and offence? What do you mean by acquiesce? Tell me about why it is not your problem?

 

[Lark]

no specificity. just an open question.

Difficult to answer until its understood what you are in fact asking.

 

[Mole]

What do you do if your mere presence causes others pain and offence? I see no reason to acquiesce since it's not my problem.

Free speech forms the basis of our civilisation, and free speech means nothing without the freedom to offend.

Those who hate our civilization and free speech are the Marxist Left, Radical Islam, and the popular New Age. They all take offence as a tactic to shut down free speech. They take offence then cancel the victim.

 

[Jaguar]

Let's see . . . Jeffrey Dahmer is dead. John Wayne Gacy is dead. I give up. Who is it?

 

[GoggleGirl17]

Keep doing what you do unless you don't want to. Are the consequences too much for you? Would you rather feel happy than agitated? Remember you can choose your battles. There is more than one way to communicate with people. I know it feels uncomfortable when you're surrounded by people who don't see the world like you do, but you can also choose your friends.

 

[Maou]

What do you do if your mere presence causes others pain and offence? I see no reason to acquiesce since it's not my problem.

I go out of my way to understand what it is specifically that I do that makes people upset/get offended. I rarely acquiescent criticism, unless I know the person giving it is authentic and actually knows me as a person. If I find a particular behavior of mine that does more harm than good, and the benefits of fixing/improving that behavior. Then, I will work towards changing that behavior.

 

[Red Memories]

Well generally speaking, if just your presence itself causes distress then...

1. Perhaps you did something to create a sour taste in their mouths for you permanently

or

2. The people are irrational if they have in fact has no interaction with you whatsoever.

However, if enough people tell you a consistent flaw, and I mean consistency, then it may be time to stop saying "it's not my problem" and look inside.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

It depends on the context. I'm one to look into why and how I am causing these people offence and pain and see if it is relevant for me to fix the problem. Regardless of what you do in life, people are going to be pained or offended by your existence, that's a given, but that doesn't mean that these feelings are irrelevant when they occur. I'm no perfect being and I have lots of flaws, if someone brings up something relevant or I can understand their point of view, I think it's important to at least explain my side of things or work on fixing the problem so that it doesn't cause pain unless it's something I deem stupid or "annoying trait of mine to others, but not bad or genuinely problematic."

 

[theablekingedgar]

It depends on the context. I'm one to look into why and how I am causing these people offence and pain and see if it is relevant for me to fix the problem. Regardless of what you do in life, people are going to be pained or offended by your existence, that's a given, but that doesn't mean that these feelings are irrelevant when they occur. I'm no perfect being and I have lots of flaws, if someone brings up something relevant or I can understand their point of view, I think it's important to at least explain my side of things or work on fixing the problem so that it doesn't cause pain unless it's something I deem stupid or "annoying trait of mine to others, but not bad or genuinely problematic."

how we control our emotions is our own issue. there are many cases where we don't need to care if we cause others offence.

 

[Jaguar]

If someone doesn't care about causing another pain, depending on the context, the victim can call the police and have the maggot physically removed. Then take legal measures to keep them off the premises permanently. End of story.

 

[Siúil a Rúin]

If my presence causes actual pain, I would avoid that situation. I wouldn't want to tell others what to do about that situation for them. If I just annoyed someone, I would also probably leave because it's not fun for me either, and I'm okay being alone, but I might ignore the annoyed person. I don't think they have more of a right. Actual pain is different.

 

[Maou]

how we control our emotions is our own issue. there are many cases where we don't need to care if we cause others offence.

While it is true we can only control our own emotions, and in some instances we should not care if we hurt other people's feelings. For example, those instances where telling a random jackass to go fuck himself for yelling at you for driving the speed limit. That is a perfectly good example of "not caring" if you hurt their feelings, because they initiated that negative contact to begin with.

But one should not actively seek out to not care. I am not talking going out of your way or anything, but just as a courtesy in sharing a space with someone. Networking is one of the biggest benefits to social society there is. Even if you are not aware of the initial benefits it presents at the time. It is a LOT easier to get things done, if everyone gets along. Than it is to try to make a bunch of bull headed stubborn people work together. So think of caring about people's feelings, as a net benefit for everyone involved, including yourself.

 

[RadicalDoubt]

how we control our emotions is our own issue. there are many cases where we don't need to care if we cause others offence.

This is correct. But how do you gauge when you don't need to care? I care most of the time because it interests me on how and why people become bothered mechanically and it benefits me to be able to work with people to be able to pursue my goals without blockage since I myself am not forceful.

If someone were bothering me and constantly causing me trouble, I'd want them to give a shit and being someone who's constantly watched that happen to people too passive to say anything about it, I am attentive to when I am causing others pain or offence. If it's possible for me to change my behavior so that I'm not hurting someone and that change really isn't a major inconvenience for me (nor isn't me just bending by someone's preferences of course, I like reasoning), why shouldn't I?

 

[Mole]

We are born without control even of our sphincter, or of our emotions. Our parents teach us to control our sphincter, and first our parents control our emotions, and slowly teach us how to control our own emotions.

However we remain partly children all our lives, and we like some of our emotions controlled by someone else, and we like to control some of the emotions of others.

The difference between as as children and us as grown ups is that we now have more choice abut which emotions are controlled.

However we are so vain and so narcissistic we like to think we control our own emotions.

And although we have some choice, our emotions have always been beyond our control.

And natural selection has ensured our emotions enable us to survive, and so our emotions are reasonably independent.

Our ego likes to think it is in control, while our emotions do most of our psychological work.

 

[theablekingedgar]

If someone doesn't care about causing another pain, depending on the context, the victim can call the police and have the maggot physically removed. Then take legal measures to keep them off the premises permanently. End of story.

Lol. People can speak freely. Get over it. Your perception is off

 

[Lark]

Lol. People can speak freely. Get over it. Your perception is off

I am curious what this means^ could you explain it?

 

[Jaguar]

Lol. People can speak freely. Get over it. Your perception is off

Lol. People can speak freely. Get over it. Your perception is off