I agree that you seem more sp 4 than so 4, according to the type specific descriptions. Where did the spoilered description come from?
Personally, I typed this way for a while, but now it's the 4 I think I'm the least like of all. I'd sooner be so-dom myself.
Here is the site I got the info from:
Type 4 - Enneagram
Also, sorry about the obnoxiously large spoiler image... I did a screenshot on my phone and didn't realize it'd turn out so.
I like the descriptions here. I can relate to points in each instinct, but mostly to Sp and Sx. I cannot for the life of me though recognize any cut-throat competition or need to be the best at whatever costs. I have never done something malicious or even inconsiderate to another in order to climb higher. I
do have anger management issues, but perhaps that's not entirely tied into instincts in my case. I am definitely the type of person though to say "I'm fine" if you ask me what is wrong and do my best to downplay whatever is going on. I am extremely stubborn in this sense. In fact, all the sharing I have done here has been a desperate attempt to claw out of depression and has usually left me feeling overly exposed in the end and made me want to delete all my personal posts and blog and run away.
Anyway, I'm going to need to do more research and reflect more on pre-depressed me before I can decide if I am Sx or Sp first. I find that all of the instincts for 4s seem a little wonky compared to the other enneagram types, perhaps because of the differentiated nature of 4s.
Yeah, this is why I've changed my instinctual stacking from sp/sx to so/sp. I'm definitely not the dauntless type. Although, I'm also not the overly whiny type either and can appear very much like an sp/sx at times, as I tend to keep to myself to where I can seem passive aggressive and withdrawn. In addition, I avoid asking for help as long as I can bear too, and am one of those 'silent criers.' However, I am very much aware about how I don't fit in among people through group settings. I also have a large tendency to avoid confrontation like the plague and relate highly to the sx blindspot, so I think I am most likely so/sp due to the above reasons and me being definitely contraflow too. I can relate heavily to both instinctual typings though.
Also, being a 4w3 doesn't necessarily mean I will be more dauntless than a 4w5. I actually appear a lot like a 4w5 on the surface. My 3 wing is based on my desires and fears aligning with a 3. It's NOT based on behavior. I don't know though, maybe I'm just an atypical 4w3.
One thing I have come to realize is that I am not really sure how others view me. I
do tend to wonder if people dislike me, but it's more that I sort of assume that they do by hyper-analyzing their body language and tone and reading into things too much. Ultimately, I think that I actually have very little insight into how others actually view me and I am probably wrong more often than I am right. Part of me cares and doesn't want to be hated or judged negatively by others, and part of me is like "meh, I don't really even like the majority of you anyway." It's that whole "you have to be somewhat
different for me to be drawn to you" thing. The duality of 4s is really interesting and actually quite fake when you think about it.
Which brings me to my next point: I relate more to 3 than I previously used to, but not enough to call myself a 4w3. The thing with 3s is that they are worried that their projected image doesn't match their real self and that people will "figure them out." At least that's how I look at 4s with a 3-wing. I do relate to this a bit, but I think the fact that I am constantly researching that which intrigues me, and in particular researching ways to better understand or take care of/express myself points more to the 5-wing. I cannot go a day without Googling and reading and learning and tweaking my perceptions and understanding of self and others. I'm also surprisingly private irl and
extremely picky about who I let into my life, which frustrates people who think of me as a friend (when you work one-on-one with someone for a year or two, and they never show up to anything you invite them to, it probably feels a bit like they don't like you, but I just don't develop close bonds easily and am overly choosy about whom I want to dedicate time to).
I also think that my career struggles seem more in line with a 4w5, as I'm really not willing to sacrifice my authenticity in the name of "success." At the same time, I remain in a dead-end job that has sucked the life out of me because it provides me with the best financial outcome at the moment and I am also hard on myself in the sense that I feel that I need to try harder to "suck it up." I still have hope that I'll be able to break through these challenges, but deep down inside, I don't think that I can do it alone (without a lover) because I am so emotionally overwhelmed internally that I feel like I need to have someone to come home to and "melt" into. I need a rock.
I could go on and on, but I'll try not to talk about myself for too long
