Bow Before My Child/ Child Bow To Me

[ladypinkington]

I have noticed a couple of motherly attitudes that I want to personally avoid exercising myself.

There are two main attitudes I see- there is the my child is better then everyone else and there is I and everyone else are better then my child.

I have a family member who displays an attitude that everything and everyone must bow before her child. Her child's needs and wants come before everyone else's- everyone must stop in their tracks to please her daughter's every whim.

Her's is a child that can destroy your things- and you must take it while smiling because it is her child and children are better then people- better then you. You must give the child what she wants whenever she wants. It is as if the mother has given birth to a Demi-God and you must worship it. Their child is perfect and any kind of punishment or discipline is laffable.

I hate mother's like that. My things should be respected, I should be respected, other people should be just as important as their child. The child should learn that the whole world does not revolve around them, that sometimes they need to occupy and entertain themselves- that sometimes you don't always get what you want, that you need to be respectful of people's needs for personal space and need for respect.

I pray that I be shot should I ever become that kind of mother.

Then there is another parenting attitude that I strive to avoid. I have another family member who has adopted an attitude of the other extreme. She and her husband give one the impression that their children are lower then dirt. That you are and everyone else are better then them. That they are there to serve their parents and others. If the mother mentioned earlier has given borth to a demi-god then they have given birth to doggish slaves.

They insult their children, over punish them to the point where it teeters on abuse and complain about them. The mother before was all about lack of control, these parents on the other hand are completely about control.

Their children are not people, do not have anything to contribute but means of serving- they do not have respect and naturally don't give respect back and then get treated like misbehaven dogs if ever they speak or act out or even worse think or act independently. Their children are never talked to like people- are not really talked to in general at all.

I don't ever want to be that kind of a parent! Oh God that just breaks my heart to see those parents!

I don't want my child to feel or be treated better or worse then anyone else. I want my child to feel like a person, not like a god nor like a dog. I want her to feel like what she thinks matters, and that she is included but is not the complete focus. I want her to have her own sense of who she is- an identity seperate from me but a strong confidence in knowing where she is in our family- a strong sense of where she comes from.

I want her to know and feel like what she thinks and who she is matters and interests me.

I want her to be respectful of my and other people's things and personal space and that she should request that also of me and other people.

I hope that I shall be strong enough to not cave into her in matters that would compromise her of learning good character, values and principles. I hope to always show clemency but not inconsistentcy.

I care more about who my daughter is then what she has.

I want her to feel loved but not worshipped. I want her to know that I am her friend but am her mother first.

I want to always be proud of my daughter and responsible to her needs and desires but also have my own sense of identity seperate from her.

I truely believe that everyone should be on the same playing ground, the young, the old, the rich, the poor, you name it- I think respect should be given out to all and that no one is better or worse then anyone else.

I will achieve a great goal as a mother if I communicate that to my daughter and raise her accordingly.

 

[ladypinkington]

I feel I have spoken too harshly. I shouldn't be so against the person but the attitude. I hate the attitudes not the people.

Upon spending more time with the people who display the attitudes that I don't care for and take offense, I realize that they have many strengths that I do not have as a mother.

I am sure that there are attitudes that I have as a mother that are offensive to others as well.

It is humbling to realize that we are all people, for the most part we are all trying to do the best we can with what we know.

I think the thing is to try to learn more- and add to the what we know. I want to learn how to be a better person, wife, and mother.