Bonds with psychopaths

[ygolo]

Since there have recently been many threads about psychopaths, I've started to wonder if people I know irl are psychopaths.

I think I have had bosses who may have been.

Note, I don't believe that I've been in relationships with psychopaths, but I wonder if I serve as an avenue to "pass the rock" for those who have. I think this masochistic dynamic is there even without psychopathy, since I often have femdom fantasies.

It turns out that there is a whole wordpress related to becoming aware of psychopaths. The person who writes it seems quite intimately aware of how psychopaths deceive. She may be biased. But all of us are.

Red Flags

Who they are

How they "love"

How to treat them

How to get away

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

As an individual whose family has a long history of AsPD and who might be borderline on the disorder himself, I recognize almost all of these traits in one of my family members (specifically an elder who has been married around 7 times) and a small but still substantial amount of traits in my own personality.

This site combined with Sociopathworld (psychopathyawareness's antithesis, it's basically a testament to how sociopaths are better than everyone else and is run by a malignant narcissist, who isn't a psychopath/sociopath but claims to be) however are both very, very biased sites and not very reliable for objective information.

Sociopathworld is run by a confused Malignant Narcissist and is very pro-sociopath (if that's really even possible)
Psychopathyawareness is run by a victim I believe who is very anti-sociopath (like almost everyone) and emphasizes the sadistic personality comorbidity that might occur with some sociopaths and builds the personality around the sadism rather than the emotional deficits.

The whole love relationship thing is actually beginning to scare me a little. I act very, very similar to that in the beginning. I idealize the person in an almost obsessive way and I want to meet that person's desires, but I can easily shift moods when a more apt person comes along and completely change my view on the original person. In fact I even have personal experience over the past week, but thankfully the person I was beginning to idealize last week hadn't been informed of my interest yet so no harm done.

 

[ygolo]

Sociopathworld is run by a confused Malignant Narcissist and is very pro-sociopath (if that's really even possible)
Psychopathyawareness is run by a victim I believe who is very anti-sociopath (like almost everyone) and emphasizes the sadistic personality comorbidity that might occur with some sociopaths and builds the personality around the sadism rather than the emotional deficits.

For the record, I am not anti-sociopath. I am not advocating for a removal of the associated genes. What I am opposed to is people being abused by them, and starting chains and cycles of pain and harm.

 

[Alea_iacta_est]

For the record, I am not anti-sociopath. I am not advocating for a removal of the associated genes. What I am opposed to is people being abused by them, and starting chains and cycles of pain and harm.

Yeah, low functioning AsPDs usually have sadistic features and they are extremely evil. My grandfather was a low functioning sociopath with an IQ topping 190, and he, due to both of those factors, managed to convince my grandmother that she was completely insane and that everything that went wrong was her fault (she is still the same way after about 40 years). He also attempted to swipe the house out from under her and make her live on the street but was stopped by my mother, who ironically also has sociopathic features but probably isn't a full sociopath. He got married 4 more times and supposedly used the same tricks before finally settling at the ripe age of like 60 or 70.

 

[Sinmara]

My dad's a high-functioning one. He never would have been diagnosed if he wasn't in the military.

 

[WhoCares]

My grandfather was a low functioning psychopath, my mother exhibits similar traits but I doubt she is actually one. She is acting out the abuse perpetrated on her because she knows no other way and refuses to believe the father she has idealised was actually a bad person. It's all very sad.

I have had relationships with people who exhibit that relationship dynamic although I think only the last one was close to being an actually psychopath. He just wasn't a very skilled one and since I had seen it all before in various forms it was relatively easy for me to let go when the idealisation phase ended. I do find a lot of people exhibit similar dynamics in their relationships to various degrees.

Common gender identity dynamics are closely tied to the thoughts of psychopaths although society doesn't like to admit so. Even in developed countries a lot of males are raised to believe that they are somehow special and more valuable just because they are male. Women are often raised with the notion it's their job to hold relationships together, work through problems and stick it out when things are rough, even when logic would tell them it's a dead loss. The inherent unworthiness of females is still a large part of socialisation where the female gender identity is closely tied to something ephemeral, arbitrary and ultimately fleeting - the way they look. All of this makes it very easy for psychopaths to operate the way they do, the world is already skewed to their viewpoint they only need to present it in a palatable way and the victim is easily deceived.

Luckily, psychopaths aren't a large proportion of society and most of them are relatively low functioning.
Once you recognise the dynamic its easy to get rid of them. They lose interest as soon as they realise you aren't going to buy their bullshit or give them money.

 

[Honor]

There are people on the forum who fit that definition.

 

[ygolo]

There are people on the forum who fit that definition.

You don't say?

Who?

(Feel free to pm/rep me)

 

[Sinmara]

There are people on the forum who fit that definition.

And there are people on the forum who romanticize the idea of psychopathy and wish they were one and try their best to behave like one, much like children playing dress-up.

 

[Honor]

And there are people on the forum who romanticize the idea of psychopathy and wish they were one and try their best to behave like one, much like children playing dress-up.

Exactly what I meant, twin!

 

[Honor]

You don't say?

Who?

(Feel free to pm/rep me)

lol, glad we talked about it on vent

 

[Sunny Ghost]

And there are people on the forum who romanticize the idea of psychopathy and wish they were one and try their best to behave like one, much like children playing dress-up.

I had a friend who once exclaimed she was a sociopath and for the longest time I thought she just desired to be one. But over the years I began to question it and lean towards her actually being one.

Some people are just so much more "logically minded" with low Fi or Fe that it's really hard to tell. The friend described above is an ESTJ. She's brilliant, but often manipulative and power hungry. I always felt her emotions were feigned. I also know an INTP who swears he thinks he is a sociopath or psychopath. But he's so nice. He keeps explaining he doesn't understand empathy or other people's emotions and processes.

 

[Sinmara]

I had a friend who once exclaimed she was a sociopath and for the longest time I thought she just desired to be one. But over the years I began to question it and lean towards her actually being one.

Some people are just so much more "logically minded" with low Fi or Fe that it's really hard to tell. The friend described above is an ESTJ. She's brilliant, but often manipulative and power hungry. I always felt her emotions were feigned. I also know an INTP who swears he thinks he is a sociopath or psychopath. But he's so nice. He keeps explaining he doesn't understand empathy or other people's emotions and processes.

The bolded are common misconceptions and romanticized stereotypes of psychopathy. Being one doesn't mean you're more logical, or smarter, or emotionally disconnected, or successful (due to cut-throat ambition). Psychopaths are capable of empathy and emotion -- it's how and why they manage to have families in the first place -- but while these things are hard-wired to the "on" position for most people, psychopaths can flip them on and off as it is convenient for them.

The more common truth is they are reckless, they are more willing to take risks that put them or others in the way of physical harm, and they have trouble with impulse control and anger, which is why they are so frequently violent. A psychopath is more likely to be an aggressive person of average-to-low intelligence than he is to be a charming manipulator -- or Dexter Morgan, for that matter. Those are considered high-functioning, in that they've figured out the social rules, they know how to play them game, and they come off as normal. This doesn't mean they're any kinder to their families, they've just managed to stay out of prison.

A person who can't connect with others or understand their mental process is more likely to fall somewhere on the autism spectrum than he is to be a psychopath. And your friend is more likely to have issues with narcissism or apathy than she is to be a psychopath.

If anyone thinks they MIGHT be a psychopath, get thee to a psychiatrist. You can't diagnose yourself. It's just not possible, especially for a psychopath. They think they are perfectly normal. If you think you might be one, you're probably not. Diagnosing yourself for this sort of thing is like trying to examine the inside of your own eyeballs while they're still in your head.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

The bolded are common misconceptions and romanticized stereotypes of psychopathy. Being one doesn't mean you're more logical, or smarter, or emotionally disconnected, or successful (due to cut-throat ambition). Psychopaths are capable of empathy and emotion -- it's how and why they manage to have families in the first place -- but while these things are hard-wired to the "on" position for most people, psychopaths can flip them on and off as it is convenient for them.

The more common truth is they are reckless, they are more willing to take risks that put them or others in the way of physical harm, and they have trouble with impulse control and anger, which is why they are so frequently violent. A psychopath is more likely to be an aggressive person of average-to-low intelligence than he is to be a charming manipulator -- or Dexter Morgan, for that matter. Those are considered high-functioning, in that they've figured out the social rules, they know how to play them game, and they come off as normal. This doesn't mean they're any kinder to their families, they've just managed to stay out of prison.

A person who can't connect with others or understand their mental process is more likely to fall somewhere on the autism spectrum than he is to be a psychopath. And your friend is more likely to have issues with narcissism or apathy than she is to be a psychopath.

If anyone thinks they MIGHT be a psychopath, get thee to a psychiatrist. You can't diagnose yourself. It's just not possible, especially for a psychopath. They think they are perfectly normal. If you think you might be one, you're probably not. Diagnosing yourself for this sort of thing is like trying to examine the inside of your own eyeballs while they're still in your head.

Thanks for the input. I've been trying to learn more about sociopaths and psychopaths considering having two friends who believe their self to be one. The female ESTJ claims she was diagnosed while in high school for being a sociopath. (Not psychopath. My fault for bringing sociopath into the mix.) But her claims and stories, I've learned, are not always based in facts. Over many years, I began to see her as a high functioning sociopath.

Other friends believe the INTP friend of mine may actually have aspergers. I'm not certain of him being a psychopath/sociopath or having autism/aspergers. I think you're right about the narcissism and apathy.

In addition to those two, I also wondered if one or two of my exes may have been psychopaths or sociopaths. The way you described psychopaths, I think this one is more likely. But I fear I've talked about this on this forum before.

 

[Sinmara]

The difference between sociopathy and psycho pathy is just cosmetic. People like to refer to high-functioning individuals with antisocial personality disorder as sociopaths and low-functioning or dangerous individuals as psychopaths. It's the same thing.

Some also like to refer to those who are genetically APD as psychopaths and those who are APR due to circumstance or upbringing sociopaths. However you get there, it's still the same thing. Those who are psychopaths of circumstance are just more likely to respond to corrective therapy.