/DG/
silentigata ano (profile)
- Joined
- Mar 19, 2009
- Messages
- 4,601
So yet again, my attempt at posting a blog (not to mention staying active on these forums) has failed. Maybe it's because I've been busy with school, dance, whatever. But another reason is because I've never been around this site when I've needed it. I guess more of what I need is a diary. But I hate writing, no, scratch that, I DESPISE writing. Well, I guess I'm writing right now, but it's more fun to type rather than hand write it. Wow... I'm rambling.
Things have been okay in the past month or so(?). The days seem to have all faded into one another. I did decent at the last dance competition, I've gotten a C on one of my hated history tests. A pain in the side for this normally A-student. It isn't like I'm a bookworm or anything, in fact, I don't know the last time I've studied for anything. My dad is home all week this week because the factory had to do a week-long shutdown or something. I don't know, economic problems or something. That will make this week really fun *groan.*
It isn't enough that he goes psycho on my mom for no reason and turns into evil psychopathic dad which makes me want to throw him out of a moving vehicle. Meh, hopefully he won't have any more "episodes" while he's home this week.
Last Saturday at dance class, I got a little freaked out. This friend of mine (well, more of an acquaintance, really) said she had a dream about me and I hung myself. I tried to make a joke about it, but inside I was freaking out. The thing that scared me was that one time I thought about doing this. It was earlier this year, in fact. I was walking down the hallway at school to my next class (alone, as usual) when a thought popped into my head. What would everyone's reactions be if I committed suicide? You know, the old noose way. I was just curious of everyone's reaction, it wasn't like I was going to DO it or anything. No way in hell would I do a stupid, thoughtless thing like that. I bet the rope against your neck would hurt anyway. And who would want to dangle helplessly from a rope, unable to draw any breath in? I know what it's like to be suffocated, and it's terrifying. To have a hand around your mouth and nose, clamped shut. You try to fight your way free, but to no avail. You struggle to breathe in, but no air comes. You don't know when that hand will move from your mouth and if it will even let go. The hand stays for but a moment, but it feels like hours. But it was all a mistake, you can't hate the hand forever. Ahhh, rambling again. =p
Anyway... I scared myself when I realized what I was thinking. I was afraid I was going crazy. But, time passed and I forgot about it, until last Saturday. Most other things went well that day, aside from my dad having an "episode" at my mom because he couldn't find a camera for my little brother's First Communion.
Today I had another interesting experience. School went on as normal, boring as ever, when in sixth hour something happened. This annoying geek from my first hour came over to me (I talk to her when I feel like talking to people. I mean, come on, who else do I have in a class fully of snobby girls?) She comes up to me and she says something like this, "Why are you always so depressed? You're always walking around like this (she then proceeds to walk like a paraplegic learning how to walk again)." I fake a smile and attempt to politely argue with her without slapping her in the face and calling her all the names a nerd-geek like her deserves. Did it ever occur to her that maybe I just despise school and I could care less what Romeo and Juliet were doing or what "connotation" is or why a ball falls if you drop it? If it weren't for school, my life would be a whole lot better. But then again, I'd probably be a whole lot fatter considering all the stairs I climb at that school. lol
Well, I guess that wraps this one up. I have to go write about General MacArthur. As far as I'm concerned, he can go kiss my ass.
I think I'll close with a song that I really like. If you ever click on my blog, press play, I dare you to.
[YOUTUBE="d3vIv1EwO5A"]Feist ~ 1234[/YOUTUBE]
Things have been okay in the past month or so(?). The days seem to have all faded into one another. I did decent at the last dance competition, I've gotten a C on one of my hated history tests. A pain in the side for this normally A-student. It isn't like I'm a bookworm or anything, in fact, I don't know the last time I've studied for anything. My dad is home all week this week because the factory had to do a week-long shutdown or something. I don't know, economic problems or something. That will make this week really fun *groan.*
It isn't enough that he goes psycho on my mom for no reason and turns into evil psychopathic dad which makes me want to throw him out of a moving vehicle. Meh, hopefully he won't have any more "episodes" while he's home this week.Last Saturday at dance class, I got a little freaked out. This friend of mine (well, more of an acquaintance, really) said she had a dream about me and I hung myself. I tried to make a joke about it, but inside I was freaking out. The thing that scared me was that one time I thought about doing this. It was earlier this year, in fact. I was walking down the hallway at school to my next class (alone, as usual) when a thought popped into my head. What would everyone's reactions be if I committed suicide? You know, the old noose way. I was just curious of everyone's reaction, it wasn't like I was going to DO it or anything. No way in hell would I do a stupid, thoughtless thing like that. I bet the rope against your neck would hurt anyway. And who would want to dangle helplessly from a rope, unable to draw any breath in? I know what it's like to be suffocated, and it's terrifying. To have a hand around your mouth and nose, clamped shut. You try to fight your way free, but to no avail. You struggle to breathe in, but no air comes. You don't know when that hand will move from your mouth and if it will even let go. The hand stays for but a moment, but it feels like hours. But it was all a mistake, you can't hate the hand forever. Ahhh, rambling again. =p
Anyway... I scared myself when I realized what I was thinking. I was afraid I was going crazy. But, time passed and I forgot about it, until last Saturday. Most other things went well that day, aside from my dad having an "episode" at my mom because he couldn't find a camera for my little brother's First Communion.
Today I had another interesting experience. School went on as normal, boring as ever, when in sixth hour something happened. This annoying geek from my first hour came over to me (I talk to her when I feel like talking to people. I mean, come on, who else do I have in a class fully of snobby girls?) She comes up to me and she says something like this, "Why are you always so depressed? You're always walking around like this (she then proceeds to walk like a paraplegic learning how to walk again)." I fake a smile and attempt to politely argue with her without slapping her in the face and calling her all the names a nerd-geek like her deserves. Did it ever occur to her that maybe I just despise school and I could care less what Romeo and Juliet were doing or what "connotation" is or why a ball falls if you drop it? If it weren't for school, my life would be a whole lot better. But then again, I'd probably be a whole lot fatter considering all the stairs I climb at that school. lol
Well, I guess that wraps this one up. I have to go write about General MacArthur. As far as I'm concerned, he can go kiss my ass.
I think I'll close with a song that I really like. If you ever click on my blog, press play, I dare you to.
[YOUTUBE="d3vIv1EwO5A"]Feist ~ 1234[/YOUTUBE]
