Multiple Enneagram Subtypes/Instincts Blindspots: Last Instincts

[small.wonder]

We talk a lot about Instinctual Stack around here, which consist of the two instinctual emotional needs that we subconsciously prioritize, of the existing three. What I have been a bit more focused on of late, is my blindspot or that instinct that's hanging out in left field, neglected. I've found that paying attention to this last instinct is really essential to growth and health-focus, regardless of what a person's stack is.

What is your neglected instinct?

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?

How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?

 

[small.wonder]

Ha, thanks! [MENTION=10714]Qlip[/MENTION]

I may as well respond to the questions to get the ball rolling.

What is your neglected instinct?

Sp

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?

In a lot of different ways, honesty. I tend to be really bad about sustinence/provision/safety related things. I literally forget to eat if I'm not careful about it-- I love food, and cooking, it just doesn't occur to me until I'm famished sometimes. "Foolhardy" is the best word I can find to describe the main issue with being Sp-last, in that I just don't tend to register (or take to heart?) risk very often. This reflects in the way I drive, financial matters, even things like having window blinds open, being very open with my feelings/thoughts or forgetting to remove my pocket knife from my keys before going to the airport.

I experience being Sp-last as somewhat being fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants, because of that lack of security awareness-- in some ways, I actually think this is one of the reasons some people see me as INFP, instead of INFJ, because I'm much less of a "planner". Things I miss out on, or neglect: I definitely get sun burned, rained on and almost run out of gas more frequently than other people. I've probably gotten hurt more (emotionally and physically), but most of the time the risks I take do not actually end in catastrophe. If I'm honest, it's probably by a slim margin sometimes though.



*One last note about the financial thing. It isn't really about spending foolishly, but more like forgetting that money/material things are a thing (or not seeing it as important) in all ways-- this can be good and/or bad since I neglect to give it attention. I actually think the most money/material-conscious (for better and for worse) people I know are Sp-first.

How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?

The non-relational stuff I already addressed above. Relationally, I've actually had a lot of (undesired) exposure to Sp because both my Mom and Dad are Sp-first. It's a good thing though, because it's helped me to learn how to respect people's Sp needs, even if I think they are silly. Examples are giving them space and a pre-determined span of time to move away from conflict, to process and feel secure before we resolve the conflict. For most of my life, I didn't allow this and saw their departure as avoidance and refusal to engage with me. I still do that sometimes, where I just continue to move towards, and unintentionally make them feel antagonized.

Being Sp-last also makes all of your loved ones concerned for your well being in general-- or maybe that's just because many of them are not Sp-last. The inverse is also a relational issue: my loved ones being a lot more prone to worry, fear and hyper-planning, which I tend to question.

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?

Heck, yes. When I was totally unaware of this blind spot, I think I actually was sort of in danger sometimes. I did a lot of stupid (rash) things. At least now being aware of it, I can usually stop in the moment, weigh the choice I'm making and then go from there.

 

[Hawthorne]

What is your neglected instinct?

sx apparently? ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?

I've been told that I keep my pools very shallow. According to my Nohari, I somehow simultaneously come across as friendly and aloof. I could speculate that it makes it easier for me to disengage from relationships that make ugly U-turns. That and the whole, "i want people to know me" thing has never been high on my priorities list.

How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?

Everything interests me, but nothing holds me. -Pessoa

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?

I do not think I have evolved to this stage yet.

 

[/DG/]

Another sx last...though I think it perhaps occurred in part as a defense mechanism against social anxiety.

Intimate relationships aren't really a priority for me or really needed. Sometimes they are desired, but it's nothing like my older brother who has sx in his first or second spot. I also don't really like to display affection toward others.

I haven't really tried to utilize it much, but I suppose I do a bit on the forums sometimes. I don't know that it has really helped me grow at all sx-wise.

 

[fetus]

What is your neglected instinct?

Self-preservation.

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?

Lack of self-control and moderation. I find that I'm the opposite of [MENTION=17697]small.wonder[/MENTION] in that I end up eating way too much. I don't even bother to look at nutrition facts. I stay up too late without really thinking about the consequences of being tired in the morning. Sometimes I admittedly neglect showering for a few days. I overestimate myself. I'm prone to saying, "Oh, I'll be fine" when I'm really not. I'm kind of the human version of "Tis but a scratch." I've walked home on a sprained ankle, gotten heat exhaustion, gotten sunburned, and gone to school with fevers because I underestimate how serious something might actually be.

How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?

People close to me worry that I'll end up hurting myself or becoming addicted to something. When I'm upset, I tend to be somewhat impulsive, not really heeding any consequences. Though by impulsive I really mean in an emotional sense--I rush into relationships or situations that might hurt me. My social and sexual instincts are just so pronounced that I'll do something at the expense of myself in order to fulfill those desires or the desires of my core Enneatype. To others I've had issues with seeming attention-seeking, spacey, or impulsive.

I think also the reason I didn't type as a 6 for a long time is because of my self-preservational instinct being last. So much of 6 descriptions focus on physical security, which isn't my main focus. My security is centered around my so/sx needs, so I don't mesh super well with most 6 descriptions.

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?

I haven't tried a whole lot because it doesn't really matter a whole lot to me. Even this is probably telling of my sp-last personality. I just don't even bother.

 

[CitizenErased]

What is your neglected instinct?

Social

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?

In general, I don't like large groups, I feel uncomfortable being surrounded by people 24/7. When people from my group of classmates, etc organize too many reunions, I go to the first and then pass. Sometimes that derives in people going away, and I'm not worried about it. I'm definitely not interested in other people's lives, pet peeves, favourite actors, crushes, etc. I abhor small talk, my best friends are about the same, we organize ourselves to have "me-times" in a synchronized way so we can meet and see each other in our attacks of social needs. Fail to do? I'm quite shy sometimes (depending on what situation I'm in), but that isn't necessarily related to me being sp/sx. Maybe I fail to be more responsive to others' needs/conversations, etc. I just listen, maybe throw in a joke nobody understands and then be silent again, especially when I'm in a large group or it's a one-on-one conversation with someone I have nothing in common. Sometimes it's awkward, but it doesn't really bother me. Then I go home alone to be happy.


How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?

Probably because of my refusal to talk to people. It's not that I can't, but the fact that most people don't interest me as much as what I could be doing if I were rich and had a whole house for myself, full of musical instruments, watercolours, Wi-Fi, computer for my novels and an endless library with books. I daydream a lot. Also, as I said, many people can adapt to my excessive amount of alone time, or the fact that I don't like clubbing, or going to bars, large parties, etc, and they tend to leave me and find partners that have the same likes as them. I really don't care much because I don't like beng with people who can't understand my way of being and don't like being with me, so for me it's a win-win.

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?

I tried to be more social, and people liked me more, but it made me unhappy, because it was a terrible effort and it ended in constant stress: "whyyyyy do I have to answer people this week if I can reply in a month?"/"whyyyyyyy did they decide to make a Whatsapp group? I hate it!"/"I don't want anyone to come to my fortress (house) because then they'll know my address and present themselves uninvited, and I'm going to shut the door on their face", etc. In short periods of time (max. 4 hours) I can appear to be really... attuned to my surroundings. After that, I disconnect and start my "me-time" inside my head while people think I'm paying attention to them. Not ashamed.

 

[Such Irony]

What is your neglected instinct?
SX

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?
Ambivalence towards intimate relationships and committing myself to them, plays it too safe- fear of taking big risks, fear of being overwhelmed by too much intensity.

How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?
I dislike clingy relationships, It's hard to 'sacrifice' myself and my well being for another. I need more time to myself and personal space than most. Also I seem to lack the charisma and 'juice' so I can be rather boring to others on the surface.

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?
N/A

 

[Mal12345]

What is your neglected instinct?

As an INTP, the Social instinctual is my neglected instinct. It makes sense typologically speaking that this would be the case.

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?

The realm of socialization. I don't miss it though. It does cause other issues that affected me in indirect ways.

How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?

I've been working on it. I think people saw me as someone who hates you individually, when in fact I hate you collectively. No, I don't really hate. I just feel better when people aren't around because they bother me so much, especially the blah blah blah extroverts who won't shut up.

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?[/COLOR]

This last 3 1/2 years I've been forced to talk to people more because of the job I took at that time. This has helped a great deal.

 

[Lady_X]

i think mine is SO

i'm not entirely convinced of my etyping and haven't been for years....but! if i am SO last i'd guess it comes out in my preference to do my own thing rather than play nice with a group. i can be sort of loan wolf-y in that way...altho i do think of myself as mostly social.

haven't decided if i need to work on it yet. ha!

 

[Smilephantomhive]

What is your neglected instinct?

SX

I don't think It's a big deal I think out of all the typology systems that I know of instinctual variants seem to be more egotistical. And by egotistical I mean that I don't think Sx (my blindspot) is important. But maybe that's because instinctual variants are all about importance. Like you use which aspect of life is most important to find our your type. But anyway for the time being I don't think my sx blindness affects me that negatively. In fact I think it helps me not get too attached to people. And I've seen so many relationships gone wrong. it's best to stay away from those for now.

I wonder if I will regret my lack of close bonding in the future, but there are only so many things you can focus on. And Sx type things just don't seem important to me.

 

[Qlip]

What is your neglected instinct?

My oh so neglected instinct is Social.

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?

As well as being So last, I'm Sp first, and one of my main focuses in life is being self-sufficient and capable. So these things that I do know other people have that I don't, like networks of people to rely on, benefits from regular social engagements, the impulse to be socially attractive are things that really go over my head to nearly the magnitude that I don't feel like I'm missing out on much.

How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?

I'm generally very happy to connect with people solely on my Sx, general magnetism and location. When these aren't available I'm happy to to think fondly of people I like, but not really reach out otherwise. I only really reach out to people who are in what I think of my "inner-circle" composed of really just a few people, it's not a secret club, I just don't have much capacity for juggling social engagements and communication. Friends have in the past felt that I am cold because of this.

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?

I've made small forays in the past of going to move events and widening my social circles. I mostly found it overwhelming and unrewarding.

 

[Lady_X]

i'm pretty sure my ex husband was so first so i dont think it ever occured to me that i sucked at it till we split haha

 

[cascadeco]

I don't feel like so-dom and sx last manifests the same in e4 as some of the other types, as I can relate to a fair amount of sx stuff and I don't act the way a lot of so-doms 'should' act. Too, introversion plays into that. But probably the clearest thing I can say for being sx last is my cautiousness and perhaps even fear, on some level, of being super close to someone in maybe the way sx doms desire, though I am still highly selective in my friends and have a very small circle. Also maybe the fact that I don't think I'm very good at 'immersing' myself in someone else, nor do I really know that I desire that? I love sparks and in the moment connections, but I'm not really interested in being consumed by someone or one thing entirely. This can cause issues in intimate relationships, depending on the person, if the person doesn't think I'm 'sharing' enough, or things like that.

@OP I hope this gives you an idea; it would be more difficult for me to answer in the way you presented the questions, as I haven't spent much time dissecting my life in terms of instincts.

 

[OrangeAppled]

[MENTION=17697]small.wonder[/MENTION] I type as sp first and can relate a lot to that. The sp 4 is not security oriented. Rather, they can be somewhat impulsive and risk-taking. The most defining feature is that they "endure" quietly suffering as if they will get rewarded for it (stronger connection to 1). So there is more guarding of one's feelings.

Anyhow.... I relate pretty well to all three of the subtypes for 4s, but in general, the social instinct seems to be my blindspot.


What is your neglected instinct?
Social

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?
I am obvlious to things like reputation or my niche in any kind of group.
I have never had a desire to belong to a social group. I don't grasp group dynamics well, and a lot of it looks like a farce I don't want to be a part of.

It has greatly affected the areas I care about (ie work and relationships) because of my failure to network or make good first impressions. That is the whole reason I finally conceded to give this area of life some attention.

How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?
I fail at being socially impressive or making good first impressions, which can obviously turn people off to me. I don't know how to maneuver socially because I don't fully understand the dynamics, not until it hits me in the face that I am starting to be outcast or something like that.

This may make me lose out on job or romantic opportunities, which is why I started to care. When younger, I think I was a lone wolf and outcast myself because I truly didn't care.

Friends and family get frustrated with me when I get shy or withdraw, because they forget that I took a long time to warm up with them. They want everyone to see the somewhat insightful, witty, empathetic friend they have, but instead I come across as chilly or blank.

New acquaintances often think I am snobby, and they can spread this view to others, sort of pushing me to the fringes of any group. I admit I feel resentment at those readily embraced who seem sort of dull and bland, and it especially puzzles me when they aren't necessarily making over others either (I understand why those people are liked...).

Cooperating with a group also gives me this constant sense of sacrificing myself, and I have to fight the urge to just run away and start anew somewhere else, where I imagine I can be more of myself. Belonging has never been something I longed for. I always found the idea of "joining" to be a chore with little reward. The shallowness of it all feels draining. Interactions tire but don't really feed you emotionally or intellectually.

Isolation makes me feel free, that I have no pressure to meet certain expectations or fit into some mold. Of course, isolation is lonely. I tend to just desire a few intimates in my life.

I also generally feel like an alien and like everyone is in on a secret but me.

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?
Yes, I have tried and yes, it has helped me a lot.
I got involved with a volunteer group via my religion years ago and now this social circle is quite central to my life. It has become a sort of lifeline to reality for me, as I withdraw into isolation easily, although it was not something I had ever dreamed of before. All of my complaints about groups still stand. It sometimes feels like an excercise in masochism every day.

I did make a conscious decision to brace myself and go out into life, and there have been some very sharp growing pains. I would go to social things and then cry all the way home. I grit my teeth through the initial misunderstandings and slander that come from entering a social circle when you have a demeanor like mine. People (in person) are so incredibly suspicious and just hateful towards me at first. When younger, I loved interacting on the internet because I did get a much better response from people and it seemed like you could go deeper faster.

Regularly, I fantasize about finally meeting some romantic savior and then being able to tell the whole social world to 'eff off. I would trash it all, light a match, and walk away as it's burning. I think I have a very "us against the world" mentality with a partner. It's easy for me to build a little world with one person and not feel a need for ties to others. Of course, I have that need, but I just don't want to deal with it.

Anyhow it is very sp 4 of me to endure this kind of pain rather privately. The outer impression I tend to give is aloof and disinterested, which seems to make some people want to "teach me a lesson" and "snub me in return". I find it useful to put it out there ASAP that I am shy, to ease misunderstanding.

As for work, not getting involved socially has always worked well for me. I very much compartmentalize. My "I don't care" attitude is serving me well now that I just go with it. I tried to awkwardly do the proper stuff on job interviews, and now I am just candid and unapologetic. In a way, I embraced NOT having good social instincts, but not avoiding or ignoring the social realm either.

 

[Yama]

What is your neglected instinct?

sp apparently?!!!?!?!?

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?

Jesus I don't even know. I keep forgetting to eat. I'm extremely bad at managing my resources (especially money, which I spend as soon as I acquire--I don't have a savings, I can't manage finances at all, fuck my life) and tend to over-spend myself (as in, attempt to put out more energy than I'm really capable of, and then completely exhausting myself).

How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?

I have literally no idea!? Someone please tell me!?!?!?!?

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?

 

[Yama]

I thought of some more sp last stuff.

I have a health condition I've been dealing with my entire life and I've been notoriously bad about managing it. I was hospitalized for 8 days in 2008 and almost died, which never would have happened if I would just stop being lazy and take care of myself. I'm much better about managing it today and it's not nearly as bad as it was back then, but even then I often forget to take my medicine or simply just don't do it because "eh whatever." As for mental health, I've had issues for many years but didn't start therapy until a few months ago.

Basically, I really, really suck at taking care of myself. I'm not consciously neglecting myself, I just literally don't think about these things.

 

[Psyclepath]

I'm sp/sx or sx/sp.

When I interact, I express myself very openly. The idea is that I'm seeking to create a Shibboleth of individuals who respect me for my wild ways and individuals who are frightened by me. I seek an authentic existence and I want to know folks by whom I can draw closer. Most people are at least a little bit frightened of me, because I'm so open about myself yet I hide so much. I'm actually seeking to find an individual who wants to break down the thick walls surrounding my heart. I've only ever met one person (possibly two, though we were both very young and I can't be sure) who has done that. It's soon become apparent that our hearts beat in rhythm.

I know that in some communities, I do not fit. I can see that from the conversations that I am hearing. I'm rather snobbish. In fact, my actual ability to focus on a large community at once is terrible and I'm always seeking a specific individual within it: the one who has created a fascination for me of some description.

Interestingly, my sp instinct is a little bit all or nothing: when I'm feeling weak I want nothing more than solitude and comfort.

 

[hjgbujhghg]

What is your neglected instinct? sp

How do you see this play out in your life? What do you neglect, miss out on, or fail to do because of it?
I am unaware of my enviroment as well as I am unaware of things like financies, house works, physical survival. I often neglet my physical needs and my physical enviroment, pretend it does not exist, or that I simply don't care about such nonsense and if often strikes back in a negative way. I might seem as very naive and irresponsbile person to others.

How might this cause issues and negatively affect relationships with people in your life?
A lot of people think I lack the parctical side, that I am too idealistic and head in the clouds. Also I might come across as very impractical and inacable of taking case of myself (which is not true, I just do it differently).

If you've tried to be more attentive to your last instinct, do you think it has helped you to grow?
I've tried this and to be honest it feels good. I feel like, if I can overcome the weakest part of my personality, then I can do everything in the whole wide world. I've been watching some friends lately:

 

[Smilephantomhive]

Sx types love to brag about how they scare everyone away with their sxness, but I'm so unsx that I don't even notice their "scariness". No sx types scare me. I'm immune lol!

 

[Neokortex]

Sx types love to brag about how they scare everyone away with their sxness, but I'm so unsx that I don't even notice their "scariness". No sx types scare me. I'm immune lol!

Wanna Skype? DD