[ENFJ] Being Careful With Your Words...

[nomadic]

hey guys and gals...

so sometimes i realize that i have to be very very careful with my words...

especially with people who might take it the wrong way...

mmm... u guys know what i mean?

dang, yeah what a random comment tho... lol

 

[Samuel De Mazarin]

especially with people who might take it the wrong way...

mmm... u guys know what i mean?

So you're homophobic, is that it?

 

[nomadic]

^ hahahaha. actually i am kind of homophobic, but i mean, it doesn't affect my views on marriage. thats such a silly concept. i mean, does utah polygamists affect my view on marriage? wait... okay maybe they do, i'd love to have multiple wives... omg. i just need enough money... but not gay people... i mean, seriously. im happy if guys turn gay, means there's more women for me. hahahaha

but what i mean was... like today, i was telling my friend that i think she made her eyebrow line too long...cus it kind of extended too far from her eyebrow...and some people heard me say that and they looked horrified. kind of lke that "omg, how can u say that???" wtf? haha

but dood, she tells me all the time my stomach sticks out, my eyebrows aren't symmetric all the time! LOL i don't care man. it actually helped me work out more and lose weight... she doesn't care either if i say things like that... some people are so sensitive!

 

[Samuel De Mazarin]

. . . . some people heard me say that and they looked horrified. kind of like that "omg, how can u say that???" wtf? haha

I think that's the key... when you understand the sensibilities of the people around you, you'll censor yourself simply in an attempt to minimize misunderstandings and conflict. If you're even halfway emotionally sensitive, you probably have a good sense of this in most situations.

I have been known to say some pretty obnoxious things as jokes, but only amongst people I knew were capable of appreciating where I was coming from (i.e. they had to know me pretty well)...

___________________________

But there's a related though different problem here... some people will misread you no matter how how much, and to whatever extent, you attempt to make your words and feelings transparent... that's just bad luck and, just as with self-censorship, you have to acknowledge that x and y persons are like that and avoid speaking about certain things in front of them, unless you're ready to battle.

A great example of this was the backlash Bill Cosby suffered after having criticized elements of contemporary black culture and the mis-education of black youth.

 

[nomadic]

But there's a related though different problem here... some people will misread you no matter how how much, and to whatever extent, you attempt to make your words and feelings transparent... that's just bad luck and, just as with self-censorship, you have to acknowledge that x and y persons are like that and avoid speaking about certain things in front of them, unless you're ready to battle.

yeah i think u are right.

i think those people who are like that, i always attribute it to some emotional damage they had in the past. i'll say that sometimes too... like "don't confuse me with the person who did that to u to make u think that!" LOL

that actually works, once they had some time to think about it... i wonder what they are thinking at that moment tho... shock? or confusion? oh wells...

 

[IEE623]

^ hahahaha. actually i am kind of homophobic, but i mean, it doesn't affect my views on marriage. thats such a silly concept. i mean, does utah polygamists affect my view on marriage? wait... okay maybe they do, i'd love to have multiple wives... omg. i just need enough money... but not gay people... i mean, seriously. im happy if guys turn gay, means there's more women for me. hahahaha

but what i mean was... like today, i was telling my friend that i think she made her eyebrow line too long...cus it kind of extended too far from her eyebrow...and some people heard me say that and they looked horrified. kind of lke that "omg, how can u say that???" wtf? haha

but dood, she tells me all the time my stomach sticks out, my eyebrows aren't symmetric all the time! LOL i don't care man. it actually helped me work out more and lose weight... she doesn't care either if i say things like that... some people are so sensitive!

i know what you mean.... i a lot of times don't pay attention to my words.... i like being spontaneous and out of the confined.... but it seems like people can't catch up with my thoughts..... especially my ENFJ friends, she keeps castigating my being not selective with words because it's inconsiderate *_*
sometimes i tell jokes, but people just take 'em the wrong way, serious way... i mean just "sometimes", not that often though

 

[Totenkindly]

but dood, she tells me all the time my stomach sticks out, my eyebrows aren't symmetric all the time! LOL i don't care man. it actually helped me work out more and lose weight... she doesn't care either if i say things like that... some people are so sensitive!

Maybe if you hadn't stood on top of that table in the middle of that crowded Starbucks and yelled it as loud as you could while throwing your banana mango frappacino in her face, while screaming that the "mutants must die!", she wouldn't have taken it so poorly.


EDIT: I meant to say, "Context is everything!"

 

[Rachelinpa]

Hahaha. I do that too. It's nearly uncontrollable once I'm on a roll. And, you know, I'm not trying to be insensitive, but I do value being real... and I tend to talk a lot... sooo yeah, it happens occasionally.

I like to toss out the words and then fix them when they are out there! And, I encourage others to do the same.

Example.

Non-ENFP: "I don't know what I mean... I don't have the words..."
Me-ENFP!: "Just start talking and I'll fix what you mean. And if I still don't understand, I'll ask questions."

Usually works to our benefit.

 

[INTJMom]

hey guys and gals...

so sometimes i realize that i have to be very very careful with my words...

especially with people who might take it the wrong way...

mmm... u guys know what i mean?

dang, yeah what a random comment tho... lol

I agree with you.
Being careful with your words is important,
and not just the quality,
but the quantity, too, sometimes.

I admire people who are careful with their words.

 

[Leysing]

Ha-ha, I know certain people who utter practically everything that pops into their minds. In my opinion it's mainly entertaining, but oversensitive individuals tend to take it the wrong way... (Sense of humour, anyone?)

I, though, always think before I do or say anything. Introversion. It's also very important for me to help others feel good, so I'm naturally careful with my words. I don't mean that I tell white lies or flatter or am dishonest in some other way, that's something I definitely don't do, but things really can be told in several, different, more-comfortable-to-the-listeners ways. (And, of course, sometimes it's better not to say anything. )

 

[Littlelostnf]

i know what you mean.... i a lot of times don't pay attention to my words.... i like being spontaneous and out of the confined.... but it seems like people can't catch up with my thoughts..... especially my ENFJ friends, she keeps castigating my being not selective with words because it's inconsiderate *_*
sometimes i tell jokes, but people just take 'em the wrong way, serious way... i mean just "sometimes", not that often though

Let your utterances be gracious...seasoned with salt. (old proverb)

(salt is not only for flavor it's also a preservative and keeps things suitible for eating...)

I think in my head of many things I could say...alot of them would be cutting..what's the point unless it's someone who is being a complete jerk...and even then it's not worth it sometimes people like that seldom ever think they are wrong and it's pointless to argue with them....(lots of examples of this on this forum...and from all the types) Someone said once on here that they've never heard me say anything mean to anyone on the forum...I've definately thought it...BIG TIME...and if I feel strongly enough about something I'll say it...tactfully but definately with force so they get the point. People generally can't handle when I don't censor myself because usually it's very pointed and it usually ends the convo.

Your friend who says it's inconsiderate to not pay attention to your words and who you say them to is correct (in my book and maybe it's an ENFJ thing) Perhaps it's not that she can't catch up with your thoughts...maybe she's with and beyond your thinking in terms of she gets it..she gets it a joke but she's thinking about how your words "could" be construed.

It's hard to censor yourself for oversenstive people...it's alot easier to just say what you want and tell people to get over it.

 

[IEE623]

Your friend who says it's inconsiderate to not pay attention to your words and who you say them to is correct (in my book and maybe it's an ENFJ thing) Perhaps it's not that she can't catch up with your thoughts...maybe she's with and beyond your thinking in terms of she gets it..she gets it a joke but she's thinking about how your words "could" be construed.

ENFJs are seemed to be always right, aren't they?

i know she gets it, what i mean as a joke. but she doesnt put herself in my shoes. she doesn't know that my thoughts are like jumping frogs. she doesn't know that i can't be like her, so focused... she expects me to act like her, think like her, and be considerate to everyone like her.... basically she just doesnt know i use NeFi while she uses FeNi

anyway, don't take it in a wrong way... she's my closest friend i just hate it whenever we're in a fight.... otherwise, we're so cool

 

[chris1207]

People generally can't handle when I don't censor myself because usually it's very pointed and it usually ends the convo.

I've run into this before. It's so often the case that I end forum topics because of it. I don't care about what the mbti says, Js and especially EXXJ's are the most judgmental of all the types. I really hate when I'm hanging out and I want to express my thoughts and I realize before I open my mouth that they're critical. I hate that that's my knee-jerk reaction. I don't like the idea of constraining the way that others are. I just like the idea of guiding people towards activities and ways of thinking that would be beneficial to them (in my mind at least.)

But yeah, me and my ENFP friend were talking about headphones and I had just gotten over the ear ones. I had been using the stock buds that came with my mp3 player but the SQ sucks. My Fe was torn between wearing the over the ear ones in public or staying with the buds cuz I think that people with fullsized headphones in public are kinda douchebaggy. I told my friend this and he got offended and as we continued to talk he got more defensive about other stuff we moved onto.

Point is, that's why I hate being spontaneous. Fe spontaneously judges those around me.

P.S. you spelled "definitely" wrong! What a dumbdumb head! *shut up Fe* Sorry about that!

 

[nomadic]

omg.

this slightly being careful with my words talking one on one people i don't know as well, is like... doing hella good things.

cus then its like this slowly opening up process? for them? or me? or both? lol

dood, crazyness.

 

[Littlelostnf]

P.S. you spelled "definitely" wrong! What a dumbdumb head! *shut up Fe* Sorry about that!

Ha I'm a teacher and a notoriously bad speller. If I don't go over things with a fine tooth there is always something spelled wrong. That's Fe telling me I've spelled something wrong...

I thought Fe would be hacking into the system and my account and changing my poor spelling before anyone else found out I can't spell....?

 

[proteanmix]

I've run into this before. It's so often the case that I end forum topics because of it. I don't care about what the mbti says, Js and especially EXXJ's are the most judgmental of all the types. I really hate when I'm hanging out and I want to express my thoughts and I realize before I open my mouth that they're critical. I hate that that's my knee-jerk reaction. I don't like the idea of constraining the way that others are. I just like the idea of guiding people towards activities and ways of thinking that would be beneficial to them (in my mind at least.)

But yeah, me and my ENFP friend were talking about headphones and I had just gotten over the ear ones. I had been using the stock buds that came with my mp3 player but the SQ sucks. My Fe was torn between wearing the over the ear ones in public or staying with the buds cuz I think that people with fullsized headphones in public are kinda douchebaggy. I told my friend this and he got offended and as we continued to talk he got more defensive about other stuff we moved onto.

Point is, that's why I hate being spontaneous. Fe spontaneously judges those around me.

P.S. you spelled "definitely" wrong! What a dumbdumb head! *shut up Fe* Sorry about that!

I've thought about the EJ=judgmental conumdrum for awhile. I know that I give parameters to my decisions and people often get the benefit of the doubt but after awhile I give no more.

What gets me is people act like all judgments are incorrect or prematurely obtained. You can make a decision about someone, a situation, an idea and just because you reached your conclusion faster than others doesn't mean you didn't accurately access the situation. You can gather information into infinity and still pick the wrong pieces of information and make the wrong decision. I think what people think is it you do it quickly, you did it wrong. Ultimately for me it's about making the best decision I can make and I look for information to help me make it. I actually do a lot of sorting and sifting through my perceptions. I guess it's like going to a garage sale, or junk yard, or buffet and picking out the best stuff.

If I paid attention to what was said on the forum about EJs I'd be useless. And for a while I was highly self-conscious in the way I engaged with my world because I was listening to the whinging of forumites. But I'm going to be me and I'm an EJ gotdammit. I make decisions, I typically go into situations with a clear head and a plan. I reach conclusions faster than other people and when I've know I've made a sound decision or conclusion I'm not going to second guess myself.

Areas of improvement for EJs are making sound judgments, working on their discernment of situations, picking the most useful and pertinent information from their perceptions and then proceeding. You can revise as you go. I mean this completely feeds a an irrational pet peeve of mine: I hate when I see I line opening up and people are just milling around confused like they don't know what to do. I'm thinking don't just stand there with your teeth in your mouth! Move, do something! Yeah, that annoys me.

As that relates to Fe, I'm not going to say I haven't made premature and inaccurate decisions about people. But honestly, 8 out of 10 times I'm not far off so I doubt I'm going to change the way I do things and I think I'm a pretty good judge of character. I enjoy being pleasantly surprised so I'll keep those other two open. I have managed to avoid a lot of problems many of my peers face(d) because I'm very selective about the people who get close to me and are capable of influencing me. So while that may look judgmental to somebody else the only thing I've got less of is the baggage they're toting around.

 

[IEE623]

OMG why the hell are all of you ENFJs so much alike? :steam:

 

[Mole]

I've thought about the EJ=judgmental conumdrum for awhile. I know that I give parameters to my decisions and people often get the benefit of the doubt but after awhile I give no more.

What gets me is people act like all judgments are incorrect or prematurely obtained. You can make a decision about someone, a situation, an idea and just because you reached your conclusion faster than others doesn't mean you didn't accurately access the situation. You can gather information into infinity and still pick the wrong pieces of information and make the wrong decision. I think what people think is it you do it quickly, you did it wrong. Ultimately for me it's about making the best decision I can make and I look for information to help me make it. I actually do a lot of sorting and sifting through my perceptions. I guess it's like going to a garage sale, or junk yard, or buffet and picking out the best stuff.

If I paid attention to what was said on the forum about EJs I'd be useless. And for a while I was highly self-conscious in the way I engaged with my world because I was listening to the whinging of forumites. But I'm going to be me and I'm an EJ gotdammit. I make decisions, I typically go into situations with a clear head and a plan. I reach conclusions faster than other people and when I've know I've made a sound decision or conclusion I'm not going to second guess myself.

Areas of improvement for EJs are making sound judgments, working on their discernment of situations, picking the most useful and pertinent information from their perceptions and then proceeding. You can revise as you go. I mean this completely feeds a an irrational pet peeve of mine: I hate when I see I line opening up and people are just milling around confused like they don't know what to do. I'm thinking don't just stand there with your teeth in your mouth! Move, do something! Yeah, that annoys me.

As that relates to Fe, I'm not going to say I haven't made premature and inaccurate decisions about people. But honestly, 8 out of 10 times I'm not far off so I doubt I'm going to change the way I do things and I think I'm a pretty good judge of character. I enjoy being pleasantly surprised so I'll keep those other two open. I have managed to avoid a lot of problems many of my peers face(d) because I'm very selective about the people who get close to me and are capable of influencing me. So while that may look judgmental to somebody else the only thing I've got less of is the baggage they're toting around.

Of course, a good life is based on good judgement.

But I was wondering - what happens when you slow down - and I mean really, really slow down - so slow time seems to stop.

Do you or can you imagine going slower and slower and slower, until you can't go any slower without stopping?

What happens at that moment?

Does the thought embarrass you? Or does the thought interest you? Can you feel yourself going slower as you read this, or are you skimming over the surface like a gadfly.

But most of all, what is your judgement, what is your judgement of this?

 

[Littlelostnf]

I've thought about the EJ=judgmental conumdrum for awhile. I know that I give parameters to my decisions and people often get the benefit of the doubt but after awhile I give no more.

What gets me is people act like all judgments are incorrect or prematurely obtained. You can make a decision about someone, a situation, an idea and just because you reached your conclusion faster than others doesn't mean you didn't accurately access the situation. You can gather information into infinity and still pick the wrong pieces of information and make the wrong decision. I think what people think is it you do it quickly, you did it wrong. Ultimately for me it's about making the best decision I can make and I look for information to help me make it. I actually do a lot of sorting and sifting through my perceptions. I guess it's like going to a garage sale, or junk yard, or buffet and picking out the best stuff.

If I paid attention to what was said on the forum about EJs I'd be useless. And for a while I was highly self-conscious in the way I engaged with my world because I was listening to the whinging of forumites. But I'm going to be me and I'm an EJ gotdammit. I make decisions, I typically go into situations with a clear head and a plan. I reach conclusions faster than other people and when I've know I've made a sound decision or conclusion I'm not going to second guess myself.

Areas of improvement for EJs are making sound judgments, working on their discernment of situations, picking the most useful and pertinent information from their perceptions and then proceeding. You can revise as you go. I mean this completely feeds a an irrational pet peeve of mine: I hate when I see I line opening up and people are just milling around confused like they don't know what to do. I'm thinking don't just stand there with your teeth in your mouth! Move, do something! Yeah, that annoys me.

As that relates to Fe, I'm not going to say I haven't made premature and inaccurate decisions about people. But honestly, 8 out of 10 times I'm not far off so I doubt I'm going to change the way I do things and I think I'm a pretty good judge of character. I enjoy being pleasantly surprised so I'll keep those other two open. I have managed to avoid a lot of problems many of my peers face(d) because I'm very selective about the people who get close to me and are capable of influencing me. So while that may look judgmental to somebody else the only thing I've got less of is the baggage they're toting around.

what ^ she said.

 

[Little Linguist]

hey guys and gals...

so sometimes i realize that i have to be very very careful with my words...

especially with people who might take it the wrong way...

mmm... u guys know what i mean?

dang, yeah what a random comment tho... lol

TOTALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I mean, I have stuck my foot in my mouth more times than I can recall.

DOH!!!!! Is this an ENFP thing or a Carolyn thing?!?!?!