[ISTJ] Ask the ISTJ

[usernameredacted]

So, since I hear that ISTJ's are so hard to figure out... You can ask us any question here, and we (or at least I) will try to enlighten you.

Fire away!

 

[Totenkindly]

All right: When someone challenges your mindset on something (or proceeds to knock down as many of your points as they can), does it bother you on a personal level? Or is it just an intellectual conflict and thus "business"?

 

[usernameredacted]

All right: When someone challenges your mindset on something (or proceeds to knock down as many of your points as they can), does it bother you on a personal level? Or is it just an intellectual conflict and thus "business"?

It depends on what the topic being discussed is. But yes, there are quite a few (mostly pertaining to politics, morals, and religion) that I guess you could say bother me on a personal level. With most other things, I'm pretty good at not getting knocked down.

 

[Usehername]

What kind of compliments flatter you most?

Be specific. And I've read all the PUMII wrt the SJs. So, just like I will own up to brimming with feel-goodness when someone calls me a genius who never follows the crowd and always does her own thing, what really makes you feel great that people recognize about you?
What do you want to be seen as?

Be specific. (And to an ISTJ, this means don't leave stuff out on purpose, as opposed to a reminder to include the details)

 

[Totenkindly]

It depends on what the topic being discussed is. But yes, there are quite a few (mostly pertaining to politics, morals, and religion) that I guess you could say bother me on a personal level. With most other things, I'm pretty good at not getting knocked down.

You seem so far to be dealing with any discussion here well enough and have seemed to take everything in stride (most notably the religious conversations). Was that the case, or were we a little too hard about things?

You just seem very resilient and tough, like the other ISTJ women I have known; but I wanted to make sure that I was not misreading things. (Since the goal was not to make anyone feel bad.)

 

[Lookin4theBestNU]

If your best friend asks you to tell them the complete truth are you more likely to a) tell it how you truly see it b) soften it up because it's your best friend c) avoid it if possible?

 

[usernameredacted]

What kind of compliments flatter you most?

Be specific. And I've read all the PUMII wrt the SJs. So, just like I will own up to brimming with feel-goodness when someone calls me a genius who never follows the crowd and always does her own thing, what really makes you feel great that people recognize about you?
What do you want to be seen as?

Be specific. (And to an ISTJ, this means don't leave stuff out on purpose, as opposed to a reminder to include the details)

Well, personally - and once again, I don't know if I'm speaking for all ISTJs or not - the thing I would most like to hear is that I am liked/likeable... which is a stretch sometimes... lol. ...or that people admire me for the way I do things... or that I have been an inspiration.

Now, compliments on looks, smarts, etc. are fine; but I guess these other areas are the ones I tend to question myself about.

You seem so far to be dealing with any discussion here well enough and have seemed to take everything in stride (most notably the religious conversations). Was that the case, or were we a little too hard about things?

You just seem very resilient and tough, like the other ISTJ women I have known; but I wanted to make sure that I was not misreading things. (Since the goal was not to make anyone feel bad.)

Let me clarify this. It bothers me when I am being contronted with points I can't debunk in a religious debate. Personally, I haven't found any of those here yet. Sure, there are people on here who have different opinions of who Jesus is, for example, but they didn't really address the dispute to me. It's just their personal opinion. You should've seen me in Relgion class though (college course). THAT ticked me off, and the professor and I got into it a couple times. lol.

If your best friend asks you to tell them the complete truth are you more likely to a) tell it how you truly see it b) soften it up because it's your best friend c) avoid it if possible?

Once again, it depends on what exactly they want to know. I have had times where I haven't been completely honest with very close friends, basically to protect myself; but I think this comes from how much I learned to lie as a teenager because it was what was best for me. However, I have also learned since then that, as hard as it can be, it's better to be honest in the first place, especially when your best friend is a prophet, lol. (no joke).

Now, I have been known for being brutally honest; and, alot of times, with friends, it's mostly 'cause I don't see where it will hurt them ('cause I don't think it would hurt me) but sometimes it does.

And then there are times where I do simply omit things...

 

[Totenkindly]

Well, personally - and once again, I don't know if I'm speaking for all ISTJs or not - the thing I would most like to hear is that I am liked/likeable...

Not that I am buttering you up... but I do think you are very likable!

 

[Usehername]

What about "competent"?

I keep telling my ISTJ people that they're really competent. Because they are. Is taht just me projecting toward others what I want to hear of myself? Does that really resonate with you, or is it just a nice compliment?

 

[usernameredacted]

Not that I am buttering you up... but I do think you are very likable!

*ISTJ is flattered.*

See... it's just that easy, lol.

 

[Usehername]

Not that I am buttering you up... but I do think you are very likable!

x2!!

You're very helpful, too.

 

[usernameredacted]

What about "competent"?

I keep telling my ISTJ people that they're really competent. Because they are. Is taht just me projecting toward others what I want to hear of myself? Does that really resonate with you, or is it just a nice compliment?

Umm... like I said, those kind of compliments are cool, but frankly... we know.

x2!!

You're very helpful, too.

Eh? is this just 'cause I'm letting you in on some secrets today (that I'm not even 100% sure apply to all ISTJs)?

 

[Usehername]

Umm... like I said, those kind of compliments are cool, but frankly... we know.



Eh? is this just 'cause I'm letting you in on some secrets today (that I'm not even 100% sure apply to all ISTJs)?

Yes. This is the only information I have on you re: your helpfulness.

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Why do you think ISTJs and INFPs hook up so often?

 

[usernameredacted]

Why do you think ISTJs and INFPs hook up so often?

Is that a question about my personal opinion that ISTJ goes well with INFP, or are you asking me to explain a reason for a pattern you've observed?

 

[JivinJeffJones]

Is that a question about my personal opinion that ISTJ goes well with INFP, or are you asking me to explain a reason for a pattern you've observed?

Both. I've noticed it as a bit of a pattern, and as an ISTJ married to an INFP yourself I thought you might be able to shed some light on the subject.

 

[Totenkindly]

Eh? is this just 'cause I'm letting you in on some secrets today (that I'm not even 100% sure apply to all ISTJs)?

I don't know. Maybe it is because you are simply open to answer questions very matter-of-factly?

Many other types of people avoid direct answers, but I see ISTJ women often being very direct and practical and realistic when they answer questions (as long as the question is not a taboo/inappropriate one -- whereupon they will still often say, "I'm not going to answer, that's inappropriate" ... so you still know what they're thinking!)... so easy to get a real answer from as opposed to others who will often just say what you want to hear or dance around the question if it is too personal.

 

[usernameredacted]

Both. I've noticed it as a bit of a pattern, and as an ISTJ married to an INFP yourself I thought you might be able to shed some light on the subject.

Honestly, I have no idea. I had no idea he was an INFP 'til I tested him; and, by then, I already had secret plans to marry. lol. With limited knowledge of the actual "letter" characteristics of an INFP, let me give it a shot by some guessing/speculation.

First of all, he's an introvert; and I am so introverted myself that extraverts tend to repel/exhaust me.

Secondly, well, I really don't know how N plays into it; and I don't know all that much about N or value it that much, based on what I do know of it.

Thirdly, as you may have seen in my post on aspirations, I recognize excessive thinking as one of my weaknesses and admire the F's ability to be more caring than I am naturally.

And, once again, I don't know too much about P.

The main things that attracted me to my INFP (in chronological order, not by importance) were:
His sense of humor
His ability to relate to me quite well.
His willingness to (eventually) talk to me and not think he was better than I am like most tend to. (Maybe this is a misconception.)
And just how nice, caring, and polite he is.

And of course there's more, but that's just what caught my attention at first.

 

[Recoleta]

Ok, I guess I'll jump in here. For the most part, I agree with everything Randsomed said.

As far as when someone challenges my mindset, just like Ransomed said, it depends on the situation. For religious-type debates, I try not to let what anyone says affect me personally. I know what I believe and exactly why I believe it and anything they say will likely not change my mind. I'll be perfectly willing to listen, share my views, and even debate a bit, but in the end of it all the choice of religion is something deeply personal to every individual. You can't force someone to believe the same as you so I try not to take it personally. For other types of debates though (ones that I might be "on the fence about" or am still developing a full opinion on)...if my ideas are getting knocked down all over the place I am likely to get flustered and be mad with myself for not being as well prepared as my opponent...but that really doesn't happen too often

As for complements, I like it when people recognize how hard I work. I'm really a pretty low-key and "behind the scenes" type of person, so it's nice to get a pat on the back every once in awhile. I also like when people say that I'm genuine and they feel like they can really trust me and tell me anything. As for competence, yeah, that will work too...but for some reason, it means a whole lot more when it comes from a male saying it. If a female says it, I'd be more likely to think, "Yeah, I already know that..." I really think complimenting our less-noted qualities is way more flattering than the obvious ones. I love it when people tell me that I'm funny (because most people don't understand or appreciate my dry/sarcastic/witty humor). When I can find someone that really enjoys and understands my humor, life is wonderful!

Finally, as for telling a friend the complete truth, it depends on how long I have known the friend and if I think they can handle the truth. If they outright tell me they want the truth, I will give it to them. If I don't think they can handle the full truth I will try to soften the blow as much as possible, but try to give them advice or suggestions. Although, I usually try to give them the truth by using some humor or sarcasm mixed in...I've found that humor is a good way to keep things from going sour. Also, if I'm critiquing them truthfully, I'd be sure to point out some of the positive qualities that I see in them.

 

[usernameredacted]

Alright, y'all, I'm about to go to church (within the next 30-ish minutes). So, I will be out for a couple hours, but I'll definitely check by here again sometime after I get back. So, don't be disappointed if you stop getting answers so quickly for a bit here.