[ENFJ] Ask an ENFJ

[ZNP-TBA]

My mind being always on, my level of effusiveness, my singular focus on goals is what I perceive to be intense. When I am saying intense it is not synonymous with instability or being a loose cannon. I am usually fairly calm in my emotional expression but I still consider myself inI am actually very "calculated". The intensity refers to how strong my personality can come off.

Ah ok, this sounds like Ni focus so this makes sense.

I'm far more scatterbrained.

 

[Tilt]

Ah ok, this sounds like Ni focus so this makes sense.

I'm far more scatterbrained.

Ha. I perceive the scatterbrainedness to be intense because it takes a lot of brainpower to decipher the Ne dom train of thought when they are going a 100mi/hr.

 

[ZNP-TBA]

Ha. I perceive the scatterbrainedness to be intense because it takes a lot of brainpower to decipher the Ne dom train of thought when they are going a 100mi/hr.

Perhaps but I associated intense with focused as you described it. We Ne doms lack a lot of focus through our brains naturally branch out in many directions.

 

[SweetFantasea]

ENFJ Gone Wrong?

Hello all, particularly ENFJs. (Any other personality types are welcome to chime in.) This will be a bit long... but I wanted to get into detail so you'd have more to analyze and go by. So I've been having trouble with this girl who has taken the test without studying the functions who claims to be an ENFP like me. However, I need a bit of insight because she seems to be an xNFJ gone wrong to me. (I initially thought ENFJ because she claims to love to talk to people.)

I feel like she is a heavy Fe/Ni user instead of a Ne/Fi user making me believe that she's an ENFJ gone wrong. She claims to love talking to others but she seems to use other people. For instance, she will compliment someone just so they can compliment her back and brags about what others say about her. (How sweet, nice and caring she is.) She also brags about small things like celebs following her on Twitter, etc..and she brags about the same things over and over like she wants people to think she is important or something.) She has been bullying me for years by talking about me, getting my secrets from old friends and using them against me, copying me, sometimes word for word, and stealing/using my ideas. I was involved with a celebrity a few months ago, (nothing like a relationship or anything but more-so an argument or more) & she started disliking me over that when she didn't even have the facts as to why we got into it or why I went off. She would watch my every move, try to get in my business by getting close to all of my friends and etc.. I tried to make amends with her and apologize for anything I thought I did wrong to her.. even knowing it wasn't my fault at times and she still would turn around and find a reason to deny me. This annoyed me because she wouldn't want to make amends and move on. She seemed to want to have something against me and bother me in the process. Then she would turn around and accuse me of everything she was doing though she had the facts against her. Everything I would type on my social media accounts this lady would have an opinion about it or seem to purposefully say something negative about whatever I wrote, even if it absolutely had nothing to do with her. At times, she also tries to 'teach' others things she doesn't even do herself. Like she will say, 'Mind your own business and think positive' when she doesn't mind her own business nor is that positive. (Positive meaning she gossips and antagonizes people all the time.)

Her ways seem extremely Fi-less and Ne-less to me since Fi focuses inward and Ne is creative and has many ideas. Why would you attach yourself to my business, judge me for it, copy my ideas and creative processes if you were an ENFP? I've thought about what an unhealthy ENFP would look like and I've been unhealthy at times but I didn't act like that because even in my worst moments I'm too concerned with authenticity that I'd feel stupid denying the facts and truth like she does. I am super creative too and I value my individuality so much that I will change a whole outfit if it looks too similar to someone elses. I also value other people's individuality. That's why her copy-cat ways are very annoying and her failure to do introspection has been annoying. I hate claiming I have 'haters' or anything close to that because it seems egotistical and I'm not vain. However, I can't help but to wonder if she's just obsessed or wants to be like me or something because she literally copies the things I'm into and the things I do. She only got into MBTI because I introduced her to it at a period I was trying to 'make amends' with her.. And she just started getting into astrology AFTER I proposed it as well. And regardless of the timeline of these things happening, she still had nerve to turn around and accuse me of copying her AFTER I accused her of copying me. It seems more like a self-delusion to me..

What personality type does she sound like to you and if she's gone wrong what personality would this fit? Can you see this being applied to an unhealthy ENFP or any other type? This has been bothering me so much because I admit that when people dislike me, I want to know why. Well, I asked her why and every time I did, it was a different answer. One time I asked her, 'Why were you upset with me?' -- & she said, 'I don't know.' In my opinion Fi users seem to be more in touch with their emotions and why they feel a certain way. So I've been very frustrated & wanted some insight as to what personality type this might be so that I can look at it in depth to learn more effective ways to deal with my emotions about this individual. I tried everything I could. I've been ignoring her for a few days now. I have not visited her pages or seen her or anything but for some reason, it still annoys me because I'm still thinking she's probably still cyber-stalking me, talking her mess, and copying me. I bet she even might find this post somehow. (She's found others things about me online because she used Google to pry into my cyber life and things about other areas of my life that I share online. The only good thing about this is that it teaches me to be careful about what I share online..but that still doesn't give anyone the right to stalk and try to use my struggles against me.)

 

[Kheledon]

I don't think it's in ENFJ's nature to stalk someone they're "done with." It's hard for us to "let go" of anyone, but once we do, we're done, and we don't change our minds about that.

Often wavering and hesitant, which makes it difficult for him to make important decisions. However, once the decision has been made, he will not hesitate any longer and will not look back.

Socionics - the16types.info - ENFj The Mentor profile by Gulenko

I can't say with any degree of certainty the actual type of your stalker (though my gut says ESFj), but I can say with some degree of confidence that she's not an ENFj. Does she talk endlessly and never seem to hear what you're saying? Does she take your ideas, reject them when you say them, but then embrace them as her own, days or weeks later, after she has (just naturally) "forgotten" from whence said idea came? That pattern applies to every ESFj I know.

For what that's worth.

 

[SweetFantasea]

Actually yes! You hit the nail on the head. That sounds exactly like her. The only weird thing is she seems like a more intuitive type or at least uses Ni as an auxiliary function instead of Se or Si. I never thought of her as an ESFJ so this is interesting.. She tries to be more slick though and say 'someone else' introduced her to the topic although she clearly got it from me. She's just always had this knack for either wanting to be my close friend or worst enemy. I don't know why she is fixated on me or why she wants to directly get in MY koolaid but her dominant function seems to be Fe. If I had to pick another, it would be Ni but she claims to be an Extrovert.

I found a very similar post on an INTJ forum. ( Copycat behavior - INTJ Forum) -- I am almost in the same exact situation.) The girl tries to compete with everything I do & say. She mimics me. Once I said something about a favorite actor of mine, then she made a smart remark about the actor just to take a jab at me. I also had a crush on a famous guy & she 'checked' to see if he was HER type and then she said, 'Oh he's not my type.' It's like she looks for anything to compete with me about. & It baffled me that she'd get ENFP...then again those are tests.

Okay, so update! I just ressarched a tad more about unhealthy ESFJs & I think I found her type! Thank you! Now I gotta figure out how not to provoke it but it seems like there's no way but to try not to let it get to me.

 

[Kheledon]

Actually yes! You hit the nail on the head. That sounds exactly like her.

Okay, so update! I just ressarched a tad more about unhealthy ESFJs & I think I found her type! Thank you! Now I gotta figure out how not to provoke it but it seems like there's no way but to try not to let it get to me.

My pleasure. Wish I could give you some advice about how to handle an ESFj, but I can't. Small doses and maximum emotional distance. That's about the best I can recommend.