Talk to me.
Not a single ENFJ yet....:crickets chirping:
So what do you have to say ENFJs? What do you THINK about? What are you THOUGHTFUL about? If I cut your brain open what would I see? Are you like a pinata and candy will fall out? Will the secrets of the universe be revealed? I'm obviously being a little sarcastic but I'm really curious to know.
I read through the thread, but rather than systematically quote those posts that piqued my interest for further exploration, I'll just start from scratch (so, sorry if some things have been repeated or addressed).
Coming from an ENTP pov, commenting on one example of an ENFJ, a confirmed one, my best friend. She's the one who introduced me to Type theory.
Out of all my friends, I always tell her, if she was a man, I'd have found my soulmate. We *get* each other - so deeply that I haven't found that syncronicity with another human being.
Why I think she's quite thoughtful...
She's in a scientific profession, Pharm.D., and although she values monetary success, she wanted that human appeal...in pharmacy. So, she's now a medical director heading the palliative care in a hospice. And she says it tires and drains her and she contemplates just following the money trail, and, in the same breath, laughingly tells me, 'you know I won't'.
There's this tortured soul about her, like that seen in INFJ, but, unlike the INFJ who radiates it upfront, for me, at least, there's a deeper poetic sadness with the ENFJ because she will put on a smile and airy attitude to mask that. She doesn't want to burden others, nor does she thinks her burden are worthy enough in the face of what humanity faces. While INFJ comes from a 'me-to-others' (that self[ish]) air, it's the opposite with this ENFJ, 'others-then-me'.
She's one of the few people I've met, who know to ask the right question to get to a deeper truth, and in the most appealing form to allow for the answers to flow from a person without any conflict or uneasiness. She can make you sing your pain. She will make you feel like she truly is interested in what you have to say (and she is), because she will ask about this or that minutae remark of yours months after, to the receipient's shock, like, "You remembered?" I've never felt like I was losing her interest when I would go on and on about an issue (in contrast, I will get that from my ESFJ best friend..the tuning out). I.e., she's truly interested in others' deepest philosophies about life, and she will go there, and allow you such comfort to travel that road with her.
I often comment on functions in isolation, but truth be told, like someone mentioned 'fuzziness', I agree. I think functions work in tandem so it's hard to comment on functions in isolation, especially when we speak, not of a theoretical example, but a real person. With this caveat, I will say that I think her Fe+Ni acts as a counter to my (Ne)Ti. Where I will take a system and try to parse it out into logical steps where one follows the other, she will be able to counter me by picking up how it would appeals to the greater whole, in application (i.e., the human element). And, she has a point, who is to say that my Ti is 'correct' because it can figure out exactly how that system
should work, step by step, when she can figure out how that system
would work, in the widest application of it (yes, details may be fuzzy). Depth versus breadth. She's the only one I know who willingly debates with me, and, she's tenacious like me, our longest, non-stop debate once was over 10 hrs.
I think ENFJ are the most
people-person of the whole NFs. Now, I don't mean people-person as we know it. I mean in the sense that often, there's this feeling that she has sacrificed herself by giving herself to the world. And, because of this, I think she often doesn't think there's much importance in what *she* wants, it's all a response to the world, her identity. Our running joke, "Q, you know, I can't figure it out, but, I just feel...um.."
Me: Anxious?
Her:
Yes!
I think she carries the most anxiety out of anyone I know, and it's because her anxiety are not hers in isolation, but, that of the tidbits she picks up from the world. So, there's this constant struggle to find *her* amidst it all. The times she gets immediate clarity on *her* is when certain core values are trespassed, then, she's ruthless. And, it's quite a sight.
And, I don't know about others, but, my friend can and does 'rock the boat'. She will, and often does, call others' bullshit faster than anyone else I know.
A friend of ours, ESFP, who puts on fake masks to appeal to the trivialities of others, was walking towards us while we waited in a line in front of a club. A long line. She was shassaying her hips, and her lips were in an obvious pout. She was playing to the audience in the long line-up. My ENFJ from the other end, back of the line, loudly, "Why do you look like that? What is wrong with your lips?"
My ESFP friend's pout immediately fell, and her walk became her regular walk and she hurried over to us, flusteringly chiding my ENFJ friend, "P, stop saying that, why would you say that out loud?!"
My ENFJ friend, "Well, you're not constipated, so stop trying to look like that for the audience!"
Yeah, she will sacrifice harmony when she sees that there's fakeness
taking AWAY from the deeper reality of a situation. She's all for fluff when there's no TAKING AWAY/hindering the truth of a deeper reality, and she will often play into it, in those times, but, if there's a TAKING AWAY, she's the first to call it out. (dunno if I explained this well)
In conclusion, I'd say ENFJ are the most outwardly thoughtful type I know.
She just sometimes forgets about small social etiquettes like keeping in touch, pampering others' whims - which is the marked difference b.w her and my other ESFJ best friend. It's the S/N difference.
