[MBTI General] Anyone here the lone NF in their family?

[chris1207]

has anyone noticed the pattern that a ESFJ and ISTJ parent are making INFJ children?

No, I'm an ENFJ. I'm not the most extroverted person in the world but I'm working on changing that. I thought it was really interesting that tennis and I have almost the same situation going on. How different could INFJ's and ENFJ's really be though?

 

[arcticangel02]

Yeah, I was just thinking that there were all of a sudden a lot of ISTJ dads and ESFJ mums.

my immediate family is pretty diverse:

father; ESFJ 2w3 sp/so
mother; ISFP 9w8 sp/sx
brother; ENFP 7w6 sx/so

looks like we're actually rather balanced, since my feeling v. thinking preference is about 55% to 45%, which puts me fairly close to being a Rationalist. ironically, i usually only have trouble with my older brother; he acts more like an unhealthy ESTP. anyway, is living with an ESFJ really that intolerable? i suppose i am just lucky that my father never put great pressure on me to conform to existing social standards. in fact, i see how hard he works to please us, so I want to be a "better" son for him. Perhaps if he were an ESTJ, this would be a completely different story.

I have an ESTJ dad, and he's much the same way as you describe your ESFJ. Although SJ types clash pretty easily with NFs, it seems, healthy, open-minded individuals of both types can get along just fine.

And my brother is an INFP, (so I'm not the only one!) and I think he has it a little harder than me, but he seems to cope fairly well. An IsFP mother helps, too.

 

[sade]

Another lone NF here. It can get really taxing at times.

I have 2 SJ's and an NT in my family.
ISTJ mom & INTP dad. I'm INFP and my little brother is an ESTJ.
I can relate on the issue with SJs. It can be really bad at worst. Careers? I'm planning to become a researcher. I love researching stuff and just throwing myself into the process.

But the funny thing is that I've gotten along with the SJ's (especially little brother) really well and never fought with mom or brother. She's tried to teach me the SJ habits and believes all my life, but had to give up when I simply didn't understand them. That's normally the main problem: they don't understand where I'm coming from and I don't get where their coming from. But I love how perseptive those two are. I don't need to say it aloud how much I lurve them and when I try they laugh at my face that "yea, we know. Why are you even thinking about that? Stupid." They're really nice, but everyday life is usually really taxing because of all the rules that they have, keeping up the appearances, not wearing this during this time or not saying that during that thing and me always seeming to do things the wrong way in their eyes. But we've gotten along in a pretty harmonious way without real conflicts, only the everyday rumbles. I haven't really allowed neither to have a big controlling position over me and have learned how to brush the comments off. It does hurt though.

Now.. My INTP dad. Sigh. My INTP dad is pretty immature thinker and I tend to be a bit of a strong character, so fights are common. The type that last for months, very bloody, grudge held for years, all that jazz. I'd be willing to forgive and live on, but he isn't. And I refuse to submit to his views. His fiery temperament and need to criticize things isn't helping me a bit. Like mom says: We're too similar, but yet too different to get along.
Last time I checked he viewed me as an unempathetic and cruel person. Which is strange considering that he confides his fears to me (in his childlike manner) and not to mom, which I never use against him. I don't punch under the belt like him.
He's got his good points, the childlike emotions are charming, he understands when I get completely agitated because of some of mom's comments and he understands my need for own space and time. But normally it's a catastrophe, the F side seems like a mystery to him.

I've always seemed to be the odd one in the family. The emotional one, who doesn't obey the rules of rationality in their eyes. And does weird things for weird reasons. Mom's always said I think too much and feel too much, I should toughen up. But that seems to be the case for most NF's.

Please excuse the rant. :redface:

 

[SuperFob]

I'm an INFJ, mom is ISFJ, dad is INTJ. My mom is the bigger problem. I won't rant about the many little problems she causes for me. She's the most close-minded person I know, though. She grew up learning things from her parents, and now she tries to impose those ideas on me without giving me a say in it. She thinks that the only worthwhile career is medicine, and she doesn't listen when I tell her otherwise with good reasons. She's also a drama queen.

My dad is alright, but he's rational to the extreme. He's more into the 'logical' career choice, the one which'll give me money and security. He makes his decisions based on his T values, but when I bring F into the discussion and tell him that it's more important for me to find a fulfilling career than one that'll logically be the safest and more rewarding, he doesn't understand.

Life as lone NF child can feel restricting.

 

[animenagai]

in terms if variety i beat you all . here's my family:

mom: ISFJ
dad: INTP
baby sister: ISTP

i'm an ENFP. if we break the types up into the 4 temperaments, we have one of each in the family :O. as an ENFP i can get along with SP types because we both like to have fun (all the time pretty much). NT's intrigue me because i love theorizing, discussing etc. and NT's are great for that. it's easy enough for me to relate to other NF's too of course, i'm one myself. the SJ's? the freaking guardians? good god it annoys the SHIT outa me. blind norm following, will only listen to facts, imposing on others, duty before pleasure... it just completely crashes with my character. i can sorta get along with them, but we'll never click. guess this is all good to know, and i'm glad i'm not the only one.

 

[Hotherym]

Family --

Mom: INFP
Dad: INTJ
Aunt (mother's side): ENFP
Other aunt (same side): ENTJ (tries to act SJ--everyone hates it)
Uncle (same side): INTP
Other uncle (same side): ISTP? unknown
Brother (half, same side): ENTP
Sister (half, same side): XXFJ (confused ENFJ, possibly)
Cousins (INTP uncle's sons): INTP? INTJ? INsomething--score as 'gifted' or higher in IQ
Cousins (first aunt's daughters): ???? (XSXP?) & possibly INFP

Etc.

Dad's side, no idea. Nutters. Some SJs, for sure, some nutty NT/NFs, they were all crazy Irish/Hungarian gypsy once-Jew Catholic converts, that's all I know.

 

[ladypinkington]

I am the only NF in my family and probably the only N

Once I started coming into my own and blossoming in my N-ness
it caused a major earhtquake in my family relationships

I would hear my mother say - You've changed
and that my sisters all said the same and this change was apparently not a good thing

It wasn't that I changed at all- only that I started speaking out and started coming into my own that was always there but always hidden- I started feeling liberated and realized hey- I have my own opinions and am my own person

It was really hard for my mother as she didn't know how to relate to me after that and I with her
I believed in my mother 100 percent but didn't necessarily believe what she believed 100 percent
My loyalty and closeness to my mother took precedence over anything else though until one day it didn't and I started branching off and started becoming independent and my own person

she is an ISFP and I am an INFJ

things are getting better but I fear that they will never be the same
it is harder to communicate with her and she takes offense that I don't believe and follow every thought and belief that she does- I think her indentity is validated by my following of her- I march to the beat of my own drum and that drum disagrees a lot now with her melody
In a way we have to re-get-to-know each other all over again

I am not close to my sisters as they are all way older then me and are more like estranged aunts so I really don't give a crap of any rifts that may be there I am sad to say
my sisters are ESFJ, ISFP, and ISTP or ISTJ

My birth father from what my mother has told me sounds like an INFJ as well- a very dark and messed up one but one nonetheless,lol.

 

[Nonsensical]

All three members of my family, my sister, I and my father, are all INFPs and I love it that way!!

 

[Thursday]

i'm the only NF that i know of
although i have two NT cousins

 

[katerp]

I'm also the only NF in my family. Actually I'm the only N and the only I, which is particularly unbearable since I'm very introverted. None of them understand or respect my need for privacy and time alone and see it as a flaw instead of a personal preference.

Considering that my father is an ESTJ we actually get along pretty well, but honestly we don't spend a lot of time together. Whenever we do he pretty much just asks me about school - even during the summer - or tells me stuff that happened to him at work.

My mother is an ESFJ and I relate to a lot of the things other posters have said about their ESFJ mothers (the guiltful manipulation, the martyrdom, the endless list of things to do, the unreasonably high standards, etc). We actually do get along most of the time, but it's also not uncommon for us to get into little fights. A lot of our interaction is composed of her rambling on for incredibly long periods of time about nothing while I quietly listen (and hold back the urge to tell her to stop talking for 5 seconds).

My brother is an ESTP and we don't get along at all. He's very selfish, immature, and often just plain nasty and disrespectful. Plus he loves to entertain himself by annoying the shit out of me. The kicker is that my mom gets mad at me for never wanting to spend time with him. Who would want to?

I guess I've always been the odd one out, but I've always been a loner who's preferred taking care of myself anyway so I guess it's not as big a deal for me to not be so close with my family.

 

[littlesapling]

*raises hand*

 

[concretereverie]

I guess..I grew up in an environment where emotion wasn't expressed, really at all, and neither were opinions. Actual conversations didn't happen much either - mostly just chitchat, and 'How was your day?' stuff. I think this may have caused some issues with my esteem and sense of self, as I didn't really feel that I was in an emotionally 'nurturing' environment growing up, which would probably have done me a lot more good. But, it is what is is, and it's not like it was anyone's fault, really. I just feel that I had to do a helluva lot of 'catch-up' work on my own in my 20's, especially related to interpersonal skills and emotional stuff.

Aw, I feel the same way . I wish I was closer to my parents but all they ever want to talk about is work, money, and school. I kind of feel like that girl in Mean Girls. I just have so many feelings!

 

[Thunderlight]

They all seem to believe that authority and deferring to it is some rationale. It's kind of stupid when all of your arguments end with, "I own this house and if you don't like it you can move out!" The more you reason the louder they yell that same line. It's like talking to a wall.

I used to get really upset over this but now I just shut up and don't give a crap.

I am not the only NF, but I certainly felt like it. I am INFJ, and so is my mother, but I somehow felt distant from her until last year.

I have an ENTJ father and what you said above sounds just like him even though he is not SJ. He has threatened my sister and I with kicking us out, but he usually cools down.

My sister is INTJ and I respect her a lot. When my dad threatened to throw her out they argued for hours until she slammed her door in his face

When he threatened me, I burst into tears and yelled at how he never understood me and didnt get that our relationship was in trouble. He just got confused and retorted that i was stalling for time. Very typical i think.

My brother is an ESTP and we are twins! Its been a love hate relationship. We used to have a lot of fun as kids, but now he thinks im too serious, and I think he needs to mature a bit.

Since i found out my mother was INFJ, things have been a lot better. Its like im not the only person with feelings in the house. My family quickly learned that for a guy i had a lot of feelings, and now they all support me, so long as theyre in a calm mood


A usual argument ends up with my mother, sister and I against my father and brother. My father's always felt that my brother needs support since my brother has always clashed with my mom (again, INFJ vs ESTP. My poor brother is the black sheep.) Other times it is my mother and sister versus my brother and dad. I am usually the referee and derive great pleasure from solving such personality clashes.

 

[Rajah]

My sister's an INFP.

I'm an XNTP, my dad is an INTP, and my mom is an INTJ. It was definitely difficult for her in the family. We're way more emotionally reserved than my sister.

 

[redacted]

I grew up in a house of 3 Ts. ISTJ mom, INTP dad, ENTP brother.

At least two are Ns and I could talk theory with them. But no one "got it". Blah.

 

[iwakar]

My life has been filled with SJs, SPs, and NTs.

Little wonder I have clung for dear life to the first INFP who came my way. We've been close ever after.

 

[kyuuei]

SO far I am! I'm still trying to type my brother and sisters.. but My mom's ISFJ, and my dad's ESTJ as far as my friend I can gather.

 

[quietgirl]

I have an INFP brother, but my dad's an ISTJ and my mom's an ESTP. My brother and I can relate on the idealist bent, but that's really where the similarities end. I have more in common with my ESTP mother, to be honest.

 

[quietgirl]

My brother is an ESTP and we are twins! Its been a love hate relationship. We used to have a lot of fun as kids, but now he thinks im too serious, and I think he needs to mature a bit.

That's interesting that your twin is your shadow type (you share the same functions but in the opposite order). My mother & I have the same dynamic and I always found our relationship rather fascinating.

 

[kiddykat]

I DEFinitely am.. the lone NF..

My life was spent mostly in an ESTJ/ISTJ household for a majority of my youth periodically, off/on. Then during my teens, it was spent at home, mostly with my nuclear family, which is mostly SP. I'm GLAD. Suits my "P" more. Sometimes, I wish I had a "J" mentor to tell me to get my butt on going.. I procrastinate way too much!!