Blackout
Permabanned
- Joined
- Aug 16, 2015
- Messages
- 1,356
- MBTI Type
- infp
- Enneagram
- 4w3
- Instinctual Variant
- sx/so
Well, when I was young I was convinced something was wrong with me. I was just thinking about it recently, and I've noticed that of course, many people go through periods in their life where they feel "different" or have low self-esteem; I full on thought there was something inherently wrong with me. Like, I was just cursed, bad, damaged goods. There was literally just something not right with how I turned out and I didn't know what or how.
And I spent years trying to mimic and ape everyone else. I'd go around my environment trying to coagulate what I thought the perfect persona for me to try and fit into would be, and yet it just confused me all so much more. I started to I think feel disconnected and severed from my self.
Where does this come from anyway, and has anyone else ever gone through and experienced it? I just think it's weird that I hated myself that much. I mean things that, before I came to places like these, thought were completely bizarre.
Liking solitude, not liking groups, parties, not having very much Fe, the fact that I thought so much, and daydreamed, and all this other stuff. The fact they I loved fantasy, and fiction, and I didn't need to feel this big urge to go out into the world to prove anything. I just didn't get it.
is it family members, or something?
And I spent years trying to mimic and ape everyone else. I'd go around my environment trying to coagulate what I thought the perfect persona for me to try and fit into would be, and yet it just confused me all so much more. I started to I think feel disconnected and severed from my self.
Where does this come from anyway, and has anyone else ever gone through and experienced it? I just think it's weird that I hated myself that much. I mean things that, before I came to places like these, thought were completely bizarre.
Liking solitude, not liking groups, parties, not having very much Fe, the fact that I thought so much, and daydreamed, and all this other stuff. The fact they I loved fantasy, and fiction, and I didn't need to feel this big urge to go out into the world to prove anything. I just didn't get it.
is it family members, or something?