Anniversaries

[INTJMom]

July 3rd is the 29th anniversary of my Wedding Day... and July 5th is the 31st anniversary of the day I met the man of my dreams... may he be having a wonderful time in Heaven. He's been gone for about 2 years and 2 months. It takes a lot longer to heal the heart from loss than most people realize. It seems like only a few months have gone by.

Most days it takes a lot of effort for me to enjoy life. I've realized it's because I analyze too much. If I don't think about it too deeply, I can go along quite well without getting too overwhelmed or excruciatingly lonely. But that's the rub... an INTJ not thinking too deeply. It's rather like not allowing myself to be myself. But man. I was getting tired of being sad all the time. It wore a rut in my brain. I guess I've turned off the feelings-faucet for a while. Maybe it's the only way I can get through this anniversary. Well, I'm doing the best I can. I have enough else to worry about.

Lately I've been realizing that it's just possible that I may never find someone again who I trust enough to marry. Someone said, "A second marriage is the triumph of hope over experience." And as Sherlock's Dr. Watson put it, "Who would want me for a flat-mate?"

And what man would I ever tolerate again? I would have to be madly in love, and I would have to be able to completely trust. I'm not even sure I can do that any more.

He would have to be an I.
I'd rather have an N, next time.
As much as I love F's, they're too dangerous; I'd rather have a T.
And that would leave me with an INTJ or an INTP.
I could never be married to a perfectionist and so that leaves me with INTP...
and if any of you have been here long enough to recall, they're the type I used to dislike the most! How ironic! Hahahahaha! I'd better stay single! But I don't like it that much.

And so here I am... happy... as long as I don't think about it too much.

 

[Giggly]

I see you with another ISTP.

 

[INTJMom]

No... I think I'd rather stay single. ISTPs have a LOT going for them, but emotional intimacy isn't one of them.

 

[Giggly]

Ahh.... yeah I know what you mean. I'm glad you're happy and doing okay.

 

[PeaceBaby]

Thinking of you, on these special notable days of remembering ... hope your kids are doing well too.

 

[INTJMom]

Thinking of you, on these special notable days of remembering ... hope your kids are doing well too.

Thank you.
That's very kind of you.

 

[Meek]

I've started to grow warmer after talking to Intjs and female Intjs are very understanding for me, always patient and are always so kind. I wish I had an Intj mom What I was originally going to say, though is that I think if you dated an Intj and fell in love, it would depend on the enneagram type. I dated an Infp once and it was horrible when we fought, but we got along great otherwise but he turned out abusive. I think that if you found the right combination enneagram for an Intj, you guys wouldn't clash and he would -get- you and be very warm toward you.

An intp, well intp men tend to ruffle my feathers way too much, lol. I also never thought I could date an extrovert but here I am in love with an Enfj, with two kitties and a dog and our own apartment. Perhaps if you found a mirror of yourself, without the same exact reflection but just enough to click well. Man, I would never and could never be with an Istp LOL or any stp would drive me insane. I dated one once. He wasn't very bright and I had to demand affection, which you shouldn't have to do.

I agree with the I part. The enfj I am with can get very introverted at times which is probably why I haven't dumped him haha. I can't stand the going out all the time thing from many extroverts. No way >.<

Sorry for rambling about myself, I guess your blog triggered a response from me that had to do with my experiences and I can relate. Intjs to me are always like me in certain aspects like the not being understood and being socially awkward. One on one social contact etc.

Reading this struck a cord inside of me that made me really sad and I wish I could comfort you some how without making you uncomfortable, lol. I am awkward when hugging because I wouldn't want to freak you out so If I were there irl, I would probably listen to you and your wonderful stories if you wanted to express anything. Would that be ok? I hope I don't come off as cold or anything. Though, I think if you expressed how you felt you would feel better but I understand why you try not to think about it. Whoever you end up with, if they genuinely love you, they will be patient enough for you to trust them and they will grasp fully onto why you would need time. Trust me, though, they're not all bad if that's what you're thinking.

Honestly, the best place to find an INTx would be online. Do you have any animals? My two kitties and dog always help me through tough times. I usually like watching how goofy they can be and it makes me warm inside Everything will be ok. <3 : )

 

[Meek]

My smiley up there has a hat lol

 

[INTJMom]

Thanks for your response, Meek. It's nice that people care.
I guess I don't have anyone who offers to listen, so I don't really have anyone to tell how I'm feeling.
(I had a counselor, but she swears and uses the f-word during counseling, so I don't think I'll go back to her - unless I get desperate - even though I love the fact that she's an INFJ.)

Falling in love is pretty much a miracle. I'm not going to try to plan it out, and I don't think it's a good idea for me to start eliminating guys based on their type alone. I have enough other stringent standards they have to meet! LOL!

What you say about the enneagram having a significant role is very true, or at least I believe so. Also whether a person is positive feedback or negative feedback makes a difference too. I wouldn't want to be in a significant relationship with a negative feedback person.

Anyhow... thanks for listening.

 

[Giggly]

I care and am listening too.

 

[INTJMom]

I care and am listening too.

That's why I said it's nice that people care.

 

[INTJMom]

As for listening... I was thinking about having someone in real life to actually sit and listen to me.

 

[Giggly]

Too bad I don't live near you, I'd love to do that, and you'd probably get tired of me even. lol

 

[INTJMom]

Too bad I don't live near you, I'd love to do that, and you'd probably get tired of me even. lol

I could wish that you did live near me.
It's hard to be Sherlock without a Watson.
I actually enjoy ISFJs as long as they don't smother me with too many hoops to jump through.

 

[Giggly]

Me, hoops? Nah, I don't have any of those for my friends. One of my best friends in the whole world was INTJ. We got along so great but she was more introverted than I was so I had to always keep that in mind or else she'd not be happy with me. lol