[SP] am I the only one here?

[miss fortune]

I have to wonder occasionally if I'm the most neurotic and overstressed SP on the board here... most of you guys seem to have it a lot more together on that front than I do... especially the other ESTPs here, who often come across as perhaps motivational speakers on the side

It's not particularly a trait that I show in public- I can't afford to- I spend most of my time putting on the public face for customers and training new people. Furthermore, I hate to show vulnerability in any way... a show of weakness is just something I can't bring myself to do comfortably. I'm afraid of failing at what I do... I'm afraid of disappointing people who are close to me... I'm afraid of losing my freedom and ability to really enjoy life to the fullest... I'm afraid that life is going to make me be super serious and "grown up." I can't show it... it's taking a bit of a toll physically

any other SPs deal with this or am I the group crazy?

 

[KDude]

I just got a little confessional in my blog. I have plenty of things I deal with. I don't show it to everyone in the outside either. Mostly because I don't trust them or think what they may say is mostly likely conventional. And then I'd just get pissed off if I had to be around it. I don't put on a public face though. I just stay away, except from the closest friends. I feel neurotic for even admitting that. I want to delete this post, and maintain the facade that I'm cool. Ahem. Seriously though, I have a lot of interests or hobbies, so I'm not overstressed. I can chill out. I just get all "existentialist" and shit at times. If I start thinking of the future (or past) I get depressed. It doesn't help that I'm clinically depressed. Argh.. damnit. I shouldn't be so open, right? Forget you read it. Bitches.

Hope that came off neurotic enough for you.

 

[miss fortune]

yeah... it sucks... we're supposed to be cool and such

I almost think that introverts are luckier on that front in a way- you CAN hide, you don't feel the same social compulsions and such- no public face to have to build and hide behind- pay no attention to the man behind the curtain sort of thing

I've been having some serious anxiety issues lately if it makes you feel any better at least

 

[ayoitsStepho]

Are you kidding? I feel like an effed up mess. I think I do a better job of just blurting all my issues here in my blog (which makes me look so emotionally spazzy ARGH!) then I actually let on in my life. It makes me angry when I express something to someone or show some sort of vulnerability and I'm given a bunch of cliche bull. I don't like to admit that I actually think I'm a mess, but I am. Especially now.

I hope that's what you're looking for...

 

[KDude]

See, more confirmation on neurotic behavior. I had to delete that last blog entry I mentioned above. It wasn't emo, but I'm not sure what I'm getting out of talking about too much personal stuff. I guess I'd prefer someone with some NF frame of mind actually, to help me with some ideas. But this may not be the right place. Not sure. I prefer talking more one-on-one, with someone I got to know, and not a bunch of stuff in public.

 

[wolfy]

I have things pop up from time to time. "I have done nothing, I need to do more, I need to do something, I need to learn something, I've learnt nothing" ... like a mild panic. It isn't age, I've always had that. Plus the fucking up, I am pretty comfortable with fucking up now. Those others still get me from time to time though. I was reading some stuff on compassion the other day. It started when I was reading about MBTI II and one of the breakdowns for F was compassion. I was reading up on compassion and in the Buddhist section it had a teaching on compassion I felt was pretty good.

At the same time, it is emphasised that in order to manifest effective compassion for others it is first of all necessary to be able to experience and fully appreciate one's own suffering and to have, as a consequence, compassion for oneself. The Buddha is reported to have said, "It is possible to travel the whole world in search of one who is more worthy of compassion than oneself. No such person can be found."

 

[gromit]

Wolfy I love it when you share wisdom with us!

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

I tend to stress about the silliest things. My wedding for instance... I caved into an extra expense that we were trying to avoid... Because I got worried that people would get upset if we didn't provide alcohol. It's my wedding... I shouldn't have worried about it or cared about it.... I didn't see a point in getting alcohol because I knew I wouldn't drink, my fiance wouldn't, his parents won't, my parents won't, the majority of the people coming wouldn't.... But I caved because of the few people I do know coming would complain loudly if there wasn't any alcohol there. Heck, I have even been worrying about my pregnancy because I've had zero signs that I'm really pregnant, aside from the obvious one (no period for a couple of months)... Forget the fact that my mom has told me numerous times that she never had any of the typical symptoms either... It still worried me because I didn't have any of the usual signs.

I can be pretty neurotic at times.... Thankfully, I'm good at hiding it.

 

[gromit]

I feel like I'm a terrible engineer a lot of the time. Actually I might be a terrible engineer. It takes me a LOT longer to do certain types of tasks than other people.

 

[tinker683]

I realize that I'm not an SP but being that I consider you someone I greatly respect on these forums, I felt strongly compelled to respond to this

I have to wonder occasionally if I'm the most neurotic and overstressed SP on the board here... most of you guys seem to have it a lot more together on that front than I do... especially the other ESTPs here, who often come across as perhaps motivational speakers on the side

It's not particularly a trait that I show in public- I can't afford to- I spend most of my time putting on the public face for customers and training new people.

You're not alone in this, I do the same thing. I try very hard to put on a strong, looks-like-I-know-what-I'm-doing demeanor but I think people would be really surprised just how much I'm stressing internally about getting things done and whether or not I'll be able to do whats expected of me.

Furthermore, I hate to show vulnerability in any way... a show of weakness is just something I can't bring myself to do comfortably.

There are some who would consider that a strength

I'm afraid of failing at what I do...

You won't most of the time. You are far more resourceful than you give yourself credit for. For those times that you will stumble and fall, I have a feeling that a woman like you will bounce back very quickly.

I'm afraid of disappointing people who are close to me...

I doubt you do. I'm sure those close to you appreciate you exactly as you are

I'm afraid of losing my freedom and ability to really enjoy life to the fullest... I'm afraid that life is going to make me be super serious and "grown up." I can't show it... it's taking a bit of a toll physically

You won't. If you're life should take the course of having much more responsibilities than you originally planned, I have no doubt you'll find ways to live it out to the fullest. Having been reading Halla74's blog, another ESTP like you, and seeing the sort of the life he leads (juggling being a caring, excellent father with living life on his own terms) I'm sure you'll be OK

You're doing just fine Whatever. Don't worry so much and you'll find yourself becoming an SJ . Just continue being you and things will be fine.

 

[miss fortune]

yeah... it seems like most SPs here tend to keep their paranoia about life to themselves or at least to their blog! thanks for commenting and making me feel somewhat less like I've failed at being a good SP or something

and thanks tinker you're always welcome in any of my SP threads since I so wantonly wander through the SJ forum whenever the chance strikes

I'm thinking of adding on a gym membership to the man's plan just to swim... I need an outlet in a way I guess... I walk all of the time at work and probably burn THOUSANDS of calories in a day with expressive talking, but I just need to relax. I am, unfortunatly, not the type who joins clubs or picks up hobbies and maintains them, so SOMETHING repetitive should be somewhat relaxing

 

[Quinlan]

I can't say I'm very neurotic but it's probably less of "having it together" and more to do with the fact I ignore problems and tend to distract myself with good things, I have things too good to be neurotic.

In saying that I can sometimes be nervous about employment and some social things.

 

[King sns]

I don't think you come off as neurotic or emotional at all. Just honest. It's a natural SP thing to come off cool whether or not you feel that way on the inside. You've got that trait, too!

 

[Chaotic Harmony]

yeah... it seems like most SPs here tend to keep their paranoia about life to themselves or at least to their blog! thanks for commenting and making me feel somewhat less like I've failed at being a good SP or something

and thanks tinker you're always welcome in any of my SP threads since I so wantonly wander through the SJ forum whenever the chance strikes

I'm thinking of adding on a gym membership to the man's plan just to swim... I need an outlet in a way I guess... I walk all of the time at work and probably burn THOUSANDS of calories in a day with expressive talking, but I just need to relax. I am, unfortunatly, not the type who joins clubs or picks up hobbies and maintains them, so SOMETHING repetitive should be somewhat relaxing

That's a really good idea.... When I was really, really struggling with controlling my neurotic side the gym really helped distract me. I'd go every time I couldn't focus on anything besides what was wrong in my life.... And it really helped me calm down and relax.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I have things pop up from time to time. "I have done nothing, I need to do more, I need to do something, I need to learn something, I've learnt nothing" ... like a mild panic. It isn't age, I've always had that. Plus the fucking up, I am pretty comfortable with fucking up now. Those others still get me from time to time though. I was reading some stuff on compassion the other day. It started when I was reading about MBTI II and one of the breakdowns for F was compassion. I was reading up on compassion and in the Buddhist section it had a teaching on compassion I felt was pretty good.

At the same time, it is emphasised that in order to manifest effective compassion for others it is first of all necessary to be able to experience and fully appreciate one's own suffering and to have, as a consequence, compassion for oneself. The Buddha is reported to have said, "It is possible to travel the whole world in search of one who is more worthy of compassion than oneself. No such person can be found."

wolfy, you are one of my favorite ISFP's.

 

[Sunny Ghost]

I don't think you come off as neurotic or emotional at all. Just honest. It's a natural SP thing to come off cool whether or not you feel that way on the inside. You've got that trait, too!

agreed. i've never picked this up from you, whatever. you've always come off cool and composed.

but you most certainly aren't the only one to suffer from neurotic tendencies. i've calmed down a lot, but i used to be incredibly neurotic and nervous and anxious and stressed. i finally picked up the motto, "just don't think about it..." for myself. i even made a painting with the motto and hung it up. the painting was of flowers blowing in the wind. and though, just not thinking about things isn't always the best approach, as you still have to come and deal with them later, it was what i needed for that particular phase in my life. i came back to deal with the things i needed to deal with when i was ready to lay them out. and it wasn't necessarily easier to deal with by waiting, but i was much less neurotic and stressed when i did. i used to have serious problems with insomnia due to my levels of stress... and i experienced this insomnia for most of my life. but, in the last 8 or so months, i've been sleeping like a baby. i don't keep myself up at night, even if there is something that is stressing me out. i suppose it's because i have things on a more manaegable level of stress.

also, somewhere on this forum someone posted these unhealthy loops we're prone to falling into. for me as an ISFP, the look was becoming too introverted and focused on Fi. Fi and tertiary Ni would eventually eat away at one another, if i had too little focus on my Se. with the reintroduction of focus on Se (such as making my painting with the motto, along with other hobbies) i balanced out my loop so Fi and Ni were no longer enemies bringing me into a downward spiral.

these unhealthy loops were caused by primary function and tertiary function eating away at one another, and less emphasis on the secondary function. could this be the case for you?