Ack.

[WobblyStilettos]

I hate being so ugly
I hate being so fat (I'm only about 5' 4" but I weigh like 150 pounds)
I hate how frizzy my hair is
I hate most of my various health issues
I hate that I actually like having IBS when I can't eat or can't keep it down and it makes me lose weight
I hate that I have to take pills to feel the way that other people so often take for granted
I hate that I have so much trouble spelling
I hate that I don't know my timestables, but I'm in the top maths group
I hate it when people think I'm good at stuff just cos I did well in exams
I hate it when my mum is sick
I hate it when my sister's upset
I hate that my dad is away for a couple of weeks
I hate that it's so hard to get a job somewhere where I have a good chance at being smarter than the boss
I hate how arrogant I am
I hate how attention seeking I am
I hate how sometimes I can't bear any attention at all
I hate how I can't get any peace in my own house
I hate how random people are always in my house, judging me for not straightening my hair when I'm recovering from the exams and would just like some time to myself, thankyouverymuch
I hate that so many people don't see me as a real person, just an extension of someone they actually give a damn about
I hate that I can be this negative
I hate mood swings
I hate bad weather
I hate not being able to say what's bothering me most of all here, in case someone I know reads it.

 

[Abhaya]

Cathartic!

 

[scantilyclad]

5'4 150 pounds isn't fat!

you are lovely.

 

[WobblyStilettos]

5'4 150 pounds isn't fat!

you are lovely.

That's really sweet of you to say, but I have almost no muscle to I'm even bigger than other people my height and weight

 

[scantilyclad]

i'm 5'4 about 165 pounds and i have very little muscle, so i understand where you are coming from.
But i would consider myself more normal looking than fat..of course i am american! haha

 

[Geoff]

Well, going by BMI, that's *just* outside the healthy weight range and into "overweight". It's easier to correct this before one slides down the slipperly slope to obesity! So you are not "so fat", but losing 10 lb would indeed make you into the healthy weight range, and is quite manageable

 

[WobblyStilettos]

I don't really have the determination to go on a long-term diet when I can't see the effects, and the only way I can really see the effects is if I stop eating, but then I fall over and stuff and as soon as get back to eating normally, even with tiny portions, I balloon again.

 

[Geoff]

That's because you shouldn't diet. I never suggested that. Dieting by eating too little does indeed cause ballooning. Just live and eat a bit healthier! Cut out some crap or do a little bit more exercise.

 

[WobblyStilettos]

Ok, I'll try it

 

[LadyJaye]

This was painfully honest, and very brave.

You know, I have stomach problems too
( actually, that's why I ended up in the hospital last month , because I was dangerously underweight), and I have to take medication every day just to be able to function, and it's not even a great kind of functioning sometimes. I look at other people roaring around all day they way I would like to, and it makes me feel left behind, and inadequate.

Being out of balance physically, from my own experience, makes everything else in my life off balanced as well. I have stomach problems, so I have no energy. Or maybe it makes me want to hide from the world because I feel repellantly dysfunctional - I don't like being immersed in all of this unpleasantness, so why would someone else? I went from being terrified at being so thin ( 84 pounds at my lowest ) and desperate to gain weight. And now that I have, can you believe there's something in my head telling me that no one will have me because I'm out of shape?! I had to tell that voice in my head to shut up. It's not my friend. Perfectionism and humiliation are not my friends, and they aren't yours. You need to tell that garbage to get out, because you're a friend to yourself. And then crank up some of The Clash - let your inner mohawk out.