[Type 4] 4 is the loneliest number..

[SillySapienne]

I like the song and the video.

There's one scene especially that I love, when they are drawing each other's auras an then a heart, so intimate...

 

[SillySapienne]

So, how many of your were abused, neglected by your families?

Or, to expand the question, how many of you felt/feel alienated within your families?

 

[SillySapienne]

Oh, and who loves Atmosphere, i.e. Slug?

Definitely an INFP 4w5.

 

[HighwayChild]

Hey fellow 4. I'm new here and have a lot to read and take in. I wanted to pop my posting cherry by saying hi to someone I totally get and can relate to. So hi!

"I miss the comfort in being sad"

 

[Biaxident]

So, how many of your were abused, neglected by your families?

Or, to expand the question, how many of you felt/feel alienated within your families?

 

[KDude]

So, how many of your were abused, neglected by your families?

Or, to expand the question, how many of you felt/feel alienated within your families?

I love my folks.. but... My mom might just be similar to yours though.. similar hardass Asian values perhaps? Also a little OCD, which made things frustrating. Dad was a military dude and different than me.. and made me try to live some of his own dreams with athletics and stuff as well.

My older brother was the real jerk. It's taken a lot to try and forget/forgive. I don't want to get into it too much.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

So, how many of your were abused, neglected by your families?

Or, to expand the question, how many of you felt/feel alienated within your families?

I must be weird for a 4 cos I actually don't feel alienated within my family. Perhaps when I was younger I felt moderately alienated since I was hypersensitive to criticism. Despite that, I feel a sense of solidarity with my family. Among peers in school, that was another story, I felt like I came from a different planet.

 

[KDude]

^Yeah, I definitely wouldn't negate peer differences either. I don't think I felt from a different planet per se, but just..not good enough I guess and forced to defend myself. Even though this section of the board welcomes it, it's kind of hard to talk about everything though..

 

[angell_m]

Do 4's have to look freakish? I'm not sure if i'm 4.. but what is your style like? I don't think my style is all Dennis Rodman like or anything. Maybe because I don't have the money to be. I dunno. I just think I'm genetically and psychologically different. I don't even necessarily take pride in it.. sometimes I embrace it, but sometimes, I wish things were easier.

edit: come to think of it, i ran into rodman once, and i thought he'd like me cuz i DID look pretty freakish at the time, but he totally dissed me

If I were to copy anyone it would be Colin Farrell's dress-code (1, 2), or like this.

Grunge.

And I'm a four/five or whatever.

I wear jeans. Have a lot of black/red/orange t-shirts. Lot's of hoods. One black jacket, and one brown/beige leather jacket.

 

[KDude]

Le sigh. I say I'm authentic, but I'm totally full of it. Even some of the stuff about family above.. I probably need to get a lot things off of my chest..somewhere.. but I'm not sure if it's here. And y'know what? It doesn't help that there's always some smartass on the internet these days that could read what we say and just think we're looking for a pity party..which is not it at all.. but even being aware of those things gives me yet another excuse to hide my story and who I really am and refrain from actually being as "authentic" as I would like. Being authentic means you open yourself to be some someone's "emo" joke. Might as well create yet another persona that seems more put together, more impressive, and maybe even combative.. Story of my life

Anyways, I told SS this, but I admire any of you who can talk about your problems better.

Fours typically have problems with a negative self-image and chronically low self-esteem. They attempt to compensate for this by cultivating a Fantasy Self—an idealized self-image which is built up primarily in their imaginations. A Four we know shared with us that he spent most of his spare time listening to classical music while fantasizing about being a great concert pianist—à la Vladimir Horowitz. Unfortunately, his commitment to practicing fell far short of his fantasized self-image, and he was often embarrassed when people asked him to play for them. His actual abilities, while not poor, became sources of shame.

In the course of their lives, Fours may try several different identities on for size, basing them on styles, preferences, or qualities they find attractive in others. But underneath the surface, they still feel uncertain about who they really are. The problem is that they base their identity largely on their feelings. When Fours look inward they see a kaleidoscopic, ever-shifting pattern of emotional reactions. Indeed, Fours accurately perceive a truth about human nature—that it is dynamic and ever changing. But because they want to create a stable, reliable identity from their emotions, they attempt to cultivate only certain feelings while rejecting others. Some feelings are seen as “me,” while others are “not me.” By attempting to hold on to specific moods and express others, Fours believe that they are being true to themselves.

One of the biggest challenges Fours face is learning to let go of feelings from the past; they tend to nurse wounds and hold onto negative feelings about those who have hurt them. Indeed, Fours can become so attached to longing and disappointment that they are unable to recognize the many treasures in their lives.

 

[SillySapienne]

I just got out/am getting out of a hole.

I was a relatively happy child till age 12, when I became a depressive.

Never fit in with my family.

School was always a place of solace for me.

I would hang out with my mom, but that was just for comfort, even though she kicked my ass when I was pre-five, I didn't blame her, she was just frustrated, raising three kids on her own, having very little grasp of the English language.

My middle sister was a sadistic, physically, and mentally manipulative boar, she was tremendously violent, and due to her temper, my mom was fearful of her and did anything to appease her.

My father was a better father when he wasn't around, ironically, but when he became more present post- age 11, things grew evermore chaotic in my household.

My eldest sister, who was abused the most by both my mid. sister and father became very introverted and sullen because of this, she and didn't really acknowledge my existence until I was in the fifth grade, but I always stuck up for her, and felt horribly when both my father and my other sis repeatedly treated her like shit, my mother knew deep in her heart that this was wrong, but my mom was always afraid, afraid to dissent with my father for fear of abandonment, (they were not married until I was 21), and my mom was afraid of my mid. sister's erratic and temperamental behavior, she was abusive towards everyone in my family, me, my eldest sis, and my mom.

She and my father got along, though. (Both Ts, both have/had something inherently, i.e. genetically wrong with them).

So, in short, I was raised with two sadists growing up.

This, I believe facilitated my empathy, and my Fi and my emotional sensitivity in general.

So much flagrant injustice I saw/witnessed/was victim to growing up, it made me sick, intellectually, spiritually, emotionally, you name it.

Every day I try to be resilient, if I hurt myself, I let the evils of the world, and more specifically, the evils of the circumstances of my childhood win.

I won't be a victim, I won't let them win.

But it's hard, a person can only suffer so much before their soul breaks, and even when they fix their broken souls, there exists that lingering ache.

Why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why, why?!!?!?!??!

You know?

I will never forget the past, but I have to learn to accept it, and acknowledge the positive things it afforded me.

I'm a special person because of all the hardship I've been through.



Might sound corny, but it's true.

s

to all my fellow fours.

 

[SillySapienne]

I must be weird for a 4 cos I actually don't feel alienated within my family. Perhaps when I was younger I felt moderately alienated since I was hypersensitive to criticism. Despite that, I feel a sense of solidarity with my family. Among peers in school, that was another story, I felt like I came from a different planet.

We had opposite circumstances.

Although, I never truly fit in with my peers, there was nothing abusive or sad about it, I got along with my teachers, and my friend's siblings, and my friends, and feeling different, i.e. odd, amongst my peers, *when I was younger* was never really associated with negative feelings.

In middle school and high school, it was a bit worse, I was going through a major existential crisis whilst my peers were, I dunno, their lives/minds were focused on different things.

Thank god for books, though.

 

[CuriousFeeling]

We had opposite circumstances.

Although, I never truly fit in with my peers, there was nothing abusive or sad about it, I got along with my teachers, and my friend's siblings, and my friends, and feeling different, i.e. odd, amongst my peers, *when I was younger* was never really associated with negative feelings.

In middle school and high school, it was a bit worse, I was going through a major existential crisis whilst my peers were, I dunno, their lives/minds were focused on different things.

Thank god for books, though.

Yeah, middle school was the worst for me. I remember in sixth grade, everyone wanted to change how I dressed, acted, said things, my hair, makeup, you name it. I was comfortable in a pair of straight leg jeans, Reebok Princess sneakers, and a plaid button up shirt. People wanted me to dress more girly, use the word "as if" not in the use of comparing objects, but as a remark of tween age attitude, not talk as high pitched and soft spoken, it was exhausting. I just wanted to be me and accepted for that.

At the start of high school, I went through a period where I felt very insecure around my peers. I felt like a freak. No matter what I did, it went unnoticed by my classmates. Teachers recognized what I did though, I felt like grownups understood where I was coming from better than people in my age bracket.

I did have a core group of friends in high school, luckily.

 

[Misty_Mountain_Rose]

So, how many of your were abused, neglected by your families?

Or, to expand the question, how many of you felt/feel alienated within your families?

I could probably raise my hand to this question. I felt neglected for sure. We fended for ourselves a lot, and I was the eldest so most of that responsibility fell to me. I wondered a lot when I was little if I'd been adopted or accidentally switched at birth because I had so little in common with my entire family.

Thank god for books

 

[KDude]

We had opposite circumstances.

Although, I never truly fit in with my peers, there was nothing abusive or sad about it, I got along with my teachers, and my friend's siblings, and my friends, and feeling different, i.e. odd, amongst my peers, *when I was younger* was never really associated with negative feelings.

In middle school and high school, it was a bit worse, I was going through a major existential crisis whilst my peers were, I dunno, their lives/minds were focused on different things.

Thank god for books, though.

I guess middle/highschool was and will remain my stupid/crazy period. It would sound a little anachronistic if I said that I created specific personas during that time, but I did in a way. Before that, like I indicated earlier, I didn't really fit in well.. In elementary, I was kind of a comic book geek. I cultivated some other cool interests in a way at a young age with music and movies and I liked acting a little in plays (not so much into books.. although I liked some), but I wasn't too conscious of my tastes yet. The stuff that made me feel different was family, race, and appearance related stuff. I remember having to fight a lot. Just random crap. I remember I had to fight four kids at once at one time. Two insults stand out to me: Ichabod Crane was one, and "slanted eyed rice cooker" was the other. Those sum it up at least. Kids are so creative, aren't they (and those aren't really bad insults now that I think about it either..haha)? So yeah..Fast forward to middleschool..and then highschool. That was a disaster. I was pissed off and didn't do well. And I paid for it, and finally dropped out. I had more potential than that in retrospect (and I've sucked at school since.. I keep pulling out), but I had to do what I had to do at the time. Luckily, it ended and slowly I got in touch with things that were important to me again (ideal wise).. and I'm still confused somewhat, but I'm with you in not wanting to channel my past into something evil..

 

[Ratsimoan]

I am quite a masochist...physical violence aside.

YouTube - ‪Eminem - Love The Way You Lie ft. Rihanna‬‎

Music video's awful though. No innovation. But the song's catchy.

I think this song show an unhealthy 4 and 8 relationship.