INFtha14
:)
- Joined
- Dec 9, 2008
- Messages
- 1,844
- MBTI Type
- INFP
- Enneagram
- 6w7
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
I look at my past posts here and it's like I'm trying so hard to find my purpose and why I'm here. I don't know why i'm here and I'm not going to act like I know.
I can reason all I want... I'm accepting it I don't know. Can you believe it? I don't know what the hell I'm doing at this phase in life
. Just trying to live it the best way I can in the present but also optimize the future "present moments" it by learning about my needs/preferences etc.
I didn't realize how much I loved coming home at the end of day as in the sun setting not rising or have already set. I didn't realize how much childcare was perfect for me. Apparently it's been on my mind heavily and something is trying to push me there as I dreamed of calling my previous boss to put me back on for when I have my days off of my current job while I work things out.
Partly because I've been wondering if I should do this in real life heh.
Part of what's running through my head right now is. I'm young and I have plenty of time to have to work my world around "work" and even then if I go this way I could have time for family/friends/living when they are out of school/weekends. The way I want to when I'm able.
Yeah there will be meetings and times I have to stay over but I'll still be home in the evening and to wind down to go to bed when I like to go to bed.
I absolutely do NOT like overnights. Which my current schedual consists of 2 of these bad boys. Got little strategies to get through it but still not feeling them very much.
I think even if I become eventually a lead teacher here at where I work if there's a meeting on a saturday or even on a weekday after or before work I'm fine with that. It works to my body clock.
I felt like I was just floating and still do. Funny how stuff hits you and gives a bit of hope that all is not lost.
I was at my computer a couple days after I did a chakra meditation as I thought maybe this will clear some energy out and give me some insight whatever it may be. If it does yay if not it was worth the effort. I'll just trust the universe. Well as I sat there I all of sudden remember that through the place I work for they have a childcare center so I'd still get my awesome benefits that I have now and the pro's just kept rolling out like thunder from that moment on. I looked up where it was located which it's right next to mcc so going back to school would be especially nice as maybe I could time it just right with work then head home vice versa.
Also there's a center right next to it that has an avenue of activities the children could partake in so it's not like there would be this long haul to get to a place of fun for them most the time. It's all within where I work.
I also remember that morning I had a conversation with my counselor about how I get really frustrated when all I hear is what I'm not doing. Of course we all know the workforce is not meant to pat you on the back. I accept this.
.
I looked back on even when there was a pain in the butt co-worker I was still happy because the parents and the children don't hold back on their appreciation most the time. So even if it's not received there, you'll get it with a cute card or a hug etc. This I guess is all an important value of mine, hugely motivated by those forms of appreciation. I need to feel appreciated and valued. Don't we all? But I guess the reward of financial stability ( I have to think realistically too) isn't enough. I need words, hugs, cute little cards with a kid smiling at me. Kids can be difficult and this won't be easy either but by how fast I got a cover letter (takes forever and a day if I'm not motivated) somewhat started and got my resume ideas going to tweak it. I must be onto something.
That's what lead me to my previous experience in childcare and then the childcare center through my work popped in my head. I did alittle research. They are looking and by talking with a fellow co-worker (who was on relief so what perfect timing to meet someone who had such a wealth of knowledge regarding my specific concerns. The universe is funneh
* they do have atleast what they call full time assistant positions (consists of 30 hrs). When one opens up I could see if I could transfer etc. Then begin school and go for it. See what I can do.
It's so funny all my concerns are taking care of. I was worried that I can't leave here because this is a place of great benefits that are hard to find. I need ft work etc. But I want my apparent needs/pref. met if I can help it. My other chief complaint is the constant change of individuals. At this childcare center after getting an associates in child development the way they work is one lead teacher works with four kids from infant to three years old. Excellent, that con is taken care of. There's just to many cons at this current job and this one even as a floater I'll get some familarity/the most troublesome cons will be taken care of. Good enough for me. Just starting to learn things and what really matters.
That and a certain system we use for seeing the individuals is rather frustrating too. The center uses the child to teacher ratio and their is not a specific range to kept on this one or that one. Which makes it kind of a confusing haze amongst what you have to do on the job.
Heavy lifting. Post assoc. degree how heavy can a three year old at max be? XD.
Versus what I'm currently dealing with as there may unfortunately be overweight three years old but compares to what I deal with I'll take it. Hopefully they are not overweight at such a young age. Let me say something they are so much easier to change. Could the neon sign saying "GO THIS WAY. IT WILL BE JUST WHAT YOU NEED AND HAVE BEEN WANTING TO CHANGE ABOUT YOUR CURRENT POSITION WHERE IT MATTERS" be any brighter? .
I understand this job will have it's cons too but like I said most the cons I'm experiencing right now are too many of the crucial ones. This position will bring me to where I want to be. In the next month I'm going to schedual a time to sit with my manager to discuss my interest here.
Things work out pretty funny though. If I didn't start here at where I work I wouldn't of even known of this center and I don't think I would of realize how much I needed those various needs/values met that I mention above. Universe does work a path for us if we want it enough. We just have to have faith and be open to it. What a relief you know? I say this as more of a matter of fact not that idealistic girl I used to be. I'm becoming more experienced and i'm starting to see things validate this truth. I'm no longer hopping around "completely" aimless xD. I'm learning about my needs and having a gage to use to judge if I am where I need to be. I can name things now that I know are not for for me. It's a long journey still but this one step out of the fog of being 20 years old and lost I can sense it. Who knows how I'll feel tomorrow
. But I got an idea of where to put my foot next and it's not just trying to put it anywhere. It's going to come down with a knowing of where it wants to go lol rawr. Today is a good day and I feel somewhat comforted by this blog post of mine. I like writing my thoughts out. Gets it all out of me heh.
Well I'm off. I will get there slowly but surely. Like kakashi says in the one of the naruto episodes (XD anime geek) "I got lost on the road of life". Story of my life.
I can reason all I want... I'm accepting it I don't know. Can you believe it? I don't know what the hell I'm doing at this phase in life
. Just trying to live it the best way I can in the present but also optimize the future "present moments" it by learning about my needs/preferences etc. I didn't realize how much I loved coming home at the end of day as in the sun setting not rising or have already set. I didn't realize how much childcare was perfect for me. Apparently it's been on my mind heavily and something is trying to push me there as I dreamed of calling my previous boss to put me back on for when I have my days off of my current job while I work things out.
Partly because I've been wondering if I should do this in real life heh.
Part of what's running through my head right now is. I'm young and I have plenty of time to have to work my world around "work" and even then if I go this way I could have time for family/friends/living when they are out of school/weekends. The way I want to when I'm able.
Yeah there will be meetings and times I have to stay over but I'll still be home in the evening and to wind down to go to bed when I like to go to bed.
I absolutely do NOT like overnights. Which my current schedual consists of 2 of these bad boys. Got little strategies to get through it but still not feeling them very much.
I think even if I become eventually a lead teacher here at where I work if there's a meeting on a saturday or even on a weekday after or before work I'm fine with that. It works to my body clock.
I felt like I was just floating and still do. Funny how stuff hits you and gives a bit of hope that all is not lost.
I was at my computer a couple days after I did a chakra meditation as I thought maybe this will clear some energy out and give me some insight whatever it may be. If it does yay if not it was worth the effort. I'll just trust the universe. Well as I sat there I all of sudden remember that through the place I work for they have a childcare center so I'd still get my awesome benefits that I have now and the pro's just kept rolling out like thunder from that moment on. I looked up where it was located which it's right next to mcc so going back to school would be especially nice as maybe I could time it just right with work then head home vice versa.
Also there's a center right next to it that has an avenue of activities the children could partake in so it's not like there would be this long haul to get to a place of fun for them most the time. It's all within where I work.
I also remember that morning I had a conversation with my counselor about how I get really frustrated when all I hear is what I'm not doing. Of course we all know the workforce is not meant to pat you on the back. I accept this.
.I looked back on even when there was a pain in the butt co-worker I was still happy because the parents and the children don't hold back on their appreciation most the time. So even if it's not received there, you'll get it with a cute card or a hug etc. This I guess is all an important value of mine, hugely motivated by those forms of appreciation. I need to feel appreciated and valued. Don't we all? But I guess the reward of financial stability ( I have to think realistically too) isn't enough. I need words, hugs, cute little cards with a kid smiling at me. Kids can be difficult and this won't be easy either but by how fast I got a cover letter (takes forever and a day if I'm not motivated) somewhat started and got my resume ideas going to tweak it. I must be onto something.
That's what lead me to my previous experience in childcare and then the childcare center through my work popped in my head. I did alittle research. They are looking and by talking with a fellow co-worker (who was on relief so what perfect timing to meet someone who had such a wealth of knowledge regarding my specific concerns. The universe is funneh
* they do have atleast what they call full time assistant positions (consists of 30 hrs). When one opens up I could see if I could transfer etc. Then begin school and go for it. See what I can do. It's so funny all my concerns are taking care of. I was worried that I can't leave here because this is a place of great benefits that are hard to find. I need ft work etc. But I want my apparent needs/pref. met if I can help it. My other chief complaint is the constant change of individuals. At this childcare center after getting an associates in child development the way they work is one lead teacher works with four kids from infant to three years old. Excellent, that con is taken care of. There's just to many cons at this current job and this one even as a floater I'll get some familarity/the most troublesome cons will be taken care of. Good enough for me. Just starting to learn things and what really matters.
That and a certain system we use for seeing the individuals is rather frustrating too. The center uses the child to teacher ratio and their is not a specific range to kept on this one or that one. Which makes it kind of a confusing haze amongst what you have to do on the job.
Heavy lifting. Post assoc. degree how heavy can a three year old at max be? XD.
Versus what I'm currently dealing with as there may unfortunately be overweight three years old but compares to what I deal with I'll take it. Hopefully they are not overweight at such a young age
. Let me say something they are so much easier to change. Could the neon sign saying "GO THIS WAY. IT WILL BE JUST WHAT YOU NEED AND HAVE BEEN WANTING TO CHANGE ABOUT YOUR CURRENT POSITION WHERE IT MATTERS" be any brighter? .I understand this job will have it's cons too but like I said most the cons I'm experiencing right now are too many of the crucial ones. This position will bring me to where I want to be. In the next month I'm going to schedual a time to sit with my manager to discuss my interest here.
Things work out pretty funny though. If I didn't start here at where I work I wouldn't of even known of this center and I don't think I would of realize how much I needed those various needs/values met that I mention above. Universe does work a path for us if we want it enough. We just have to have faith and be open to it. What a relief you know? I say this as more of a matter of fact not that idealistic girl I used to be. I'm becoming more experienced and i'm starting to see things validate this truth. I'm no longer hopping around "completely" aimless xD. I'm learning about my needs and having a gage to use to judge if I am where I need to be. I can name things now that I know are not for for me. It's a long journey still but this one step out of the fog of being 20 years old and lost I can sense it. Who knows how I'll feel tomorrow
. But I got an idea of where to put my foot next and it's not just trying to put it anywhere. It's going to come down with a knowing of where it wants to go lol rawr. Today is a good day and I feel somewhat comforted by this blog post of mine. I like writing my thoughts out. Gets it all out of me heh.Well I'm off. I will get there slowly but surely. Like kakashi says in the one of the naruto episodes (XD anime geek) "I got lost on the road of life". Story of my life.
