Fluffywolf
Nips away your dignity
- Joined
- Mar 31, 2009
- Messages
- 9,581
- MBTI Type
- INTP
- Enneagram
- 9
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
Well, gotta leave in an hour, but made a small addition.
Tension is rising!
Tension is rising!
It's very hard for me to get involved with books and things of the like, but I am very interested in reading this. Maybe I'm waiting for it to become more developed
You seem like you would be very efficient in your writing style, something I enjoy greatly. Keep up the work!
I only read the first few pages so far, but I think it's really good. The one thing I would say is that present tense narrative is really hard to pull off, especially from the third person perspective. I would recommend telling the story in the past tense.
Either way, I wanted to finish the first story before I repolish the document, for the sake of current readers, I'll keep using present tense to the best of my ability for now since most of the story is written like that.
I'm also thinking of more clearly making a distinction between narrative and thoughts by using cursive text, without having to add Kaynin thinks, ponders, wonders, assumes or whatever with every single thought. And polishing the sentence structures of the sentences that are kind of inbetween narrative and thought at the moment.
I don't have time to read it through, but it seems strong to me.
'Err' is a verb. The nominative form in English of 'error'.
Well done!
Have read half way through. Really impressed. Keep up the awesome work. Looking forward to seeing the finished product.
It is regarded as highly disrespectful to interrupt a merchant halfway through a sentence.
Anonymous User 7908: I don't get that feeling from her so much. I feel her attachment as more that she is a fish out of water because there is some thing she is avoiding in her tribe (yet to be revealed ) and Kaynin was like an unexpected oasis. I think you've made Yelena strong enough that she *knows* she can survive on her own. She is just along with Kaynin for the ride because he helped her when she was hurt and because she's very go with the flow that way.
And because they have this underlying energy that makes them continue on this journey together.
Since my last update I've been averaging now on a page per day.
Even a page a day is better than no pages a day.
keep up the good work!