Don't most INTPs grow out of this at least by the time they're out of college?
Not all. A significant percentage (mostly the males of the species) take another decade or so. A small fraction never do - fortunatly they rarely reproduce or become supervisors.
Don't most INTPs grow out of this at least by the time they're out of college?
http://www.growyourgame.com/articles/social-skills/insecurity-and-social-intelligence-vibing/Insecurity and Social Intelligence / Vibing
As social animals, we’re designed to enjoy socializing and small talk. Not only do they allow us to form important social bonds and alliances with others, but they also help us identify who is, and who is not, a member of our group.
When people are communicating according to these social rules, they act as a social lubricant – the end result is a pleasant flow of conversation and ideas – what we call a vibe.
People who don’t understand these social rules or don’t follow them are doomed to come across badly, even if they’re a totally worthwhile or good person. Why? Because people normally break the vibe when they’re acting on insecurity.
Let’s take the somewhat weird but very common example of ‘rhetorical sequencing’.
James is very excited about a great deal he got on an awesome jacket, and wants to tell his friend Bob:
Good Example
James: Hey man, you’ll never guess how much I paid for this jacket
Bob: Wow, uh … $200?
James: No man, it was $60!
Bob: Awesome! Good job, it looks great
Bad Example
James: Hey man, you’ll never guess how much I paid for this jacket
Bob: Oh, you got a deal. I guess $40 then
James: Uh, actually $60
Bob: Well that’s not bad I guess
Bob here is telegraphing insecurity. His subconscious thought process was: “I’ll show James how smart I am, and how I picked up that he got a deal on the jacket. Then I’ll have shown him I passed his test!†His desire to be right, his desire to try and give an accurate guess to make himself look smart completely killed the vibe.
Secure Bob realises that James got a deal, but also realised that he wasn’t asking a real question – something lower end, but still high enough that even if the guy didn’t get a great deal, he’ll still feel good.
Let’s take another example. James and Bob are vacationing in London:
Good Example
James: Wow man, check out that building! That rocks!
Bob: Whoa, that’s huge!
Bad Example
James: Wow man, check out that building! That rocks!
Bob: Yeah, that’s cool. But dude, you should see New York. New York KILLS this place
The person who’s not vibing correctly is failing to understand something: the purpose of the initial comment isn’t debate – it’s building a social vibe. The content isn’t the communication – it’s the veneer over the subcommunication that says: “Let’s have a nice time, build rapport with each other, and chill outâ€. Bob is instead using them as opportunities to try and make himself look good – killing the vibe entirely.
Interesting. We can't shut out our Ti, but there is still a fun way to correct people.When around friends I tend to still say it, but I say it as nerdily as possible and toss in a very breathy, arrogant fake laugh. I figure making a joke of it isn't so bad. After all, "well, actually" is pretty much Larry David's whole shtick on Curb Your Enthusiasm.
I have encountered B before for sure. I generally welcome correction when I am (factually) wrong, so it doesn't always immediately occur to me that sometimes people would sacrifice accuracy for appearances.Interesting. We can't shut out our Ti, but there is still a fun way to correct people.
Problems arise when:
a) this behaviour it is more about ego than logical consistency
b) the other person is intellectually insecure and would rather remain wrong than face the fact that he/she might actually be wrong.
"Ah, you gave me a Quartz? It has healing properties! And can make rain fall! That's not too good since we have been having way too much rain lately."
"Um...maybe... I was thinking it's supposed to amplify clarity of thought, since I remember you mentioning you feel like you have brain fog sometimes so I thought this might help when that happens. It's shaped like the first letter of your name, too!"
Like, sorry guys, but..
"Ah, you gave me a Quartz? It has healing properties! And can make rain fall! That's not too good since we have been having way too much rain lately."
"Um...maybe... I was thinking it's supposed to amplify clarity of thought, since I remember you mentioning you feel like you have brain fog sometimes so I thought this might help when that happens. It's shaped like the first letter of your name, too!"
Like, sorry guys, but..
Don't most INTPs grow out of this at least by the time they're out of college?
That was really quick to read, and equally pointless.
tallulah said:Don't most INTPs grow out of this at least by the time they're out of college?
Edit: Actually the mature NTP will not do this unless she takes it upon herself to be a mentor to people around her.
As software developers, we develop habits that allow us to build products that work and do not fail under stress.
But our engineering strength is also our social weakness.
"Well, actually, the origin of the word Shih Tzu means Lion Dog and has nothing to do with the dog's digestive patterns".
As a child, I wondered why my sister could make friends and keep them so easily, while I could not. It would take me years to discover this. And now, as a public service I am sharing with you, my fellow geek friends, what I learned.
Friends are their for personal reflection of the self in your early childhood up until the end of your life. Friends are there to guide you and to help you being yourself and being honest with yourself. Friends motivate you and make you happy so you motivate them and make them happy.
Well the problem is actually the cause. Since you dont have friends, you are no fun to hang out with. Friends are their for personal reflection of the self in your early childhood up until the end of your life. Friends are there to guide you and to help you being yourself and being honest with yourself. Friends motivate you and make you happy so you motivate them and make them happy.
You sound like a long-winded fortune cookie.