I guess I wonder what we are talking about now. If we're talking suddenly cutting people out of our life because they are human and disappoint us from time to time or because we do not wish to communicate directly, then of course, I think that the comments made are valid. If we're talking about someone who is endangering our own safety, or the safety of those we are responsible for, or if they are using up our resources to an extent that those resources are not available to the primary obligations in our own lives, then I really don't agree with either Eilonwy or PeaceBaby that it is about power.
I also would like to distinguish that it is not like most INFJs are actively keeping a scorecard - you do this for me, I do that for you. It's more of an involuntary process - like a program running in the background. It certainly isn't acted on immediately either. Because I tend to listen well to people and be interested in them, that sometimes attracts friends who have a lot of emotional need and drama in their own lives, but very little emotional rope left to give if there is anything going on in mine. (I'm talking two hour phone call monologue that includes not even a "How are you?"). In some cases, it is obvious that they are temporarily experiencing hard times and need support, or we have had previous history to fall back on and they have an insufficient support system.
However, if it is just chronic self-centredness and wanting to reap all of the perks of a friendship, without any of the obligations of it, then the balance of power does get out of whack. They are receiving all of the care, while still retaining 100% of the control over our interactions. I have seen enough of marriages close up where that is the case, that I have no desire to foster close relationships that have that kind of unhealthy imbalance. I think it is no kindness to the person in need, as it only allows them to cope temporarily instead of addressing real issues, and the more time to you spend with someone who has a very narcissistic view of the world, you also have to become a bit tunnel visioned to adapt. I have gotten better now at recognizing that earlier on and being kind, but disengaging somewhat so that the other person does not become dependent on me. Otherwise, the main choice I am left with is trying to disengage much later on when the person is ignoring appropriate boundaries and expenditure of resources (emotional, physical, financial, time).
My father and mother were always very hospitable and people were drawn to her warmth, my dad's affability and the home they had created. I don't think she and my dad were wrong in opening their home to many different people. However, in some cases, they did learn from experience when people were con artists, had active addictions, had no desire to improve the situation that was creating constant crisis, or were unwilling to deal with issues that were alienating people all around them. It's certainly not my call to make people deal with whatever is going on with them, but that also doesn't obligate me to repeatedly interact with people who are not respectful of me. I do believe that we teach people how to treat us, and without any lines in the sand, some people will drain you dry. I simply cannot write that off as being a control freak or power monger, even though I definitely agree that you do not just doorslam people as your way of dealing with dicey, or emotionally difficult situations.
In the case of my sister, who was married to a self-destructive, violent, depressed, cheating and alcoholic man (who attempted suicide the first time she went to visit family without him 20 years into their marriage), she did not sign off in a way that I believe 3 shared children and 20+ years of marriage deserved. I don't think that was healthy for her, kind to their children, or fair to him, even though I think she absolutely did need to get out of there for her own mental health and for all of their physical safety. It has impeded her children's healing process and her own, I believe. He has since passed away (fire he started while drunk and then passed out - something that frequently happened when they were still together), and she lived every day of the year they were separated terrified for her own life. She wasn't at all wrong to leave, in my opinion. However, I think that just announcing she was going and then not responding to any communication after that (when the last he and the children had known, things were fine between them) was not right.