empertet
New member
- Joined
- Jan 12, 2014
- Messages
- 32
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
How do you politely tell an Fe user that you're not in the mood to talk when they try and engage you? As much as it pains me to say this, my ISFJ mother loves to small talk with me and verbalize things, and while I understand her need for it and try my best to be receptive, I'm not always in the mood for it, and whenever I tell her this or give her a short response, she reacts by thinking I'm being intentionally spiteful towards her. Although it isn't that bad, it makes me feel terrible sometimes, and I wish I could find some way for me to communicate with her better when this type of situation arises....I can't really mirror her Fe consistently, and the fact that I'm generally inarticulate doesn't help either.
You have to first establish that it's not her but you (gotta love an awkwardly applied Cliché!), tell her your brain feels frazzled and that you can't handle talking right now and you'd really appreciate the privacy. Maybe add something about "being back to normal soon", Follow this with a hug to symbolise unspoken connection and go on your way. F's can be reasonable, you just have to assure us we've done nothing to upset you and then tell us what we can do that will make you feel better (even if it's nothing at all).
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(new post, but I don't want to clog the thread.)
Also, on a personal note I find these simple rules (in order) help people communicate with me:
1. Don't criticise or be condescending to me, my opinions or my beliefs (Trust me on this, it's a minefield).
2. If your criticism is quickly followed by an attempt to backtrack I'll know you didn't mean it the way you said it. Build it to be constructive rather than detrimental and I'll appreciate it as concern rather than malice.
3. Don't butter me up before hand. I'll read you like a book and redirect the conversation so fast you'll forget what you came to me for in the first place.
4. Give me time to process the information, don't pester me for an out come, I need to reach consensus with my other selves. Expect me not to talk with you for a few days (not out of anger, I view you as a symbol of the conversation and I feel pressured when I see you before I have a resolve).
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