I've never had any hard decisions.
Well, you might think "Oh that's just 'cause you have a boring life Nocap" and you'd be right.
I do have a boring life.
But for me decisions are all very straightforward... it's as though things just come to me. I've never really been faced with any kind of a moral/relational dilemma, but I guarantee that shit would be easy for me to do too.
Here's how I know. I love my animals. I really do. They're effin' awesome.
When my cat, who was older than me -- probably like... 20 by the end of it... he was a fucking fighter. even as an oldie he kicked other cat's asses. he owned the neighborhood -- and I loved that cat. We'd had him since I was born. I knew he wasn't, but he felt like a fixture in my life. A staple for the day.
In his last few months, things became real rough for him. I had to build a set of wooden stairs because he couldn't jump up onto the counter anymore to get to his bowl and we couldn't just leave the bowl on the floor to be eaten by my youngest brother.
I suggested we had him whacked. It didn't even phase me. I just knew it was tard-balls to keep him alive and in pain and struggling and all that.
It wasn't hard at all. It was just another event.
Cat was suffering, time to take him out. Sure I wanted him around, but I knew he wasn't going to be.
Same thing happened to my dog a few years earlier. Ol' boy had a tumor. He died on the operating table. I understood. I was 8. I knew what had to happen. I was mad, but accepting it was as simple as accepting that I was wearing a red shirt (I remember... god I hated that fucking shirt).
The same year my great grandfather died. The adults thought I wasn't sad because I didn't understand. I understood perfectly.
By that age I'd actually figured out that death meant to cease breathing (well I know now that it's a bit more complex than that), but to me it meant nothing. I liked the guy. He taught me a whole bunch of math.
I guess I was angry that I wasn't going to learn more math, but I knew what had to happen. Mommy and Daddy gave me the 'birds and bees' talk about death early on.
So I got it. It was never a big deal for me.
Well anyway the point is, I'm not deterred from doing what I think needs done because of the ultimate.
Sure, if it can be avoided, I avoid it, but if it can't, no big deal. It was bound to happen anyway, after all.
And please NFs don't jump on me about having Caulfield syndrome or some other preoccupation with death. I have a different obsession.