You shouldnt live after other person ideals, just adapt to your situation with people around you as you see fit and slowly become more comfortable with them or dont. But never live up to other people that's gonna ruin you in the end.
What I meant is that, tho its hard to imagine, some people went through equal phases in life and if you meet someone who felt like you some time ago, your shield will not work, cause he can see right thru it. Those people are the most insightful persons to be not afraid of, cause they can build you up.
But in respect to your initial question. I use Ne to mask as a weirdo often and many times, I use it to trick people into thinking I am on their side, tho I already long have seen where they are going to. I dont do it to hurt anyone or to climb their backs to get to somewhere else, but I do it to ward off my own true feelings, which are most often VERY misanthrophic.
im not talking about living to other peoples expectations. Im talking about not being able to live like i want because using this shield like im using it now. Most the time it doesent bother me and i enjoy it, but it keeps the good stuff out as well as it keeps the bad stuff out and im starting to get bored because not letting the good stuff in. Funny thing is that it keeps away loads of neutral stuff too, that are so unimportant that it wouldnt really even matter to let them in and most of the bad stuff arent even really that bad, but the good stuff it keeps away is worth the little bad stuff it lets in. Afterall i know that i would just get used to these little bad stuff i would let in if id lower my guard, so in the end they wouldnt even matter. Because of growing up with this shield and not getting used to little bad stuff or even some neutral stuff, it feels hard to let them in. And because everyone knows me the way they have seen me all these years im afraid to show my true self to enybody, even my best friends. If i take the shield down, people would see inside my head and thats maybe the most frightening thing about this, but its allso the most idiotic, because i dont know why im so afraid of it, i see absolutely no reason for it, still im doing it..
Enyway i came to conclusion that this shit isnt worth it and i need to get rid of it, or atleast some of it. Cant do it all in once, but ill start with letting my Ne loose more easilly infront of people because its the easy way to start and actually the most important thing imo.
And no one can see thru this shield, unless i let them, no bullshit im just too good at using it.
My avatar has alot to do with this stuff, and i took the pic summer before last one..