My Mother in Law became an unhealthy ISFJ after she contracted stroke about 5 years ago that paralyzed half her body. She was a very health conscious house wife who ran about 6km every morning and eats bitter gourd with alfafa sandwich for lunch. When she contracted stroke (because of genetic reasons), she couldn't accept the fact that other people who eat unhealthily (like her relatives) are walking around while she's on a wheelchair. She became very negative about life in general after that and resents other people for their ability to walk (including my own parents).
Because of that, my husband and I have recently bought a house, and since he was her only child, we decided to take care of her and let her move in with us. Ever since she moved in, she has been trying to back stab me and passive aggressively attack me, an ENTJ daughter in law. I understand that in principle ENTJs and ISFJs don't get along but I think she took great offense in the fact that her INTP son decided to choose a wife that is so different from her. She has issues with me ranging from the fact that I am working (not a housewife, therefore a bad mother/wife in her opinion), stating that I do absolutely no housework, even though we have hired a full time house helper to take care of her and clean the house, cook etc. to the fact that I have food allergies, with her asking the helper to only prepare food that I am allergic to for dinner. In my defense, I have not done anything towards her except marry her son. I have designed the house such that it's 100% handicap accessible and ensured that she can access every part of the house. I have also surrendered our living room to her and offered to buy a car for my father in law to drive her around. She has also forbidden me from letting my own parents to enter our home since she resents them for being able to walk even though they are 5 years older than her.
I understand that unhealthy ISFJs have issues letting go of their precious children and are competitive with daughter in laws. I hate living like this with her constantly being passive aggressive towards me even though I have zero intention of playing the same game or being mean to her. I just want to make sure she's living a comfortable life after being unfortunate enough to be wheel chair ridden at such a young age. I've tried to continue to be nice to her for a year including buying her expensive facial products ($300 bucks) regularly but her passive aggression has not decreased. I have even told my husband to spend more time talking to her and give her more attention. I have constantly reminded him to do something special for her on her birthday and mother's day, including giving him suggestions of what to buy (flowers cakes etc) that made her jubilant. We both even took leave on her birthday so that we can take her to the aquarium for a family outing. However, none of these seems to reduce her passive aggression towards me. It gets worse everytime she's in a bad mood or if she caught my husband being nice to me.
I'm seriously at a lost of what to do and to continue to try to be nice to her even though she's mean to me has hurt me quite a bit and ENTJs don't usually get hurt easily. I felt that it was a little unfair to me and I don't really know what to do since unhealthy ISFJs do not take constructive advice well and are insanely inflexible. It's her way or the highway. I am wondering if it's futile for me to continue to be nice to her and instead of hurting myself even further bending myself backwards for her when all she does is passive aggressively attack me and backstab me whenever she can. Hope some ISFJs can share their opinions on whether an unhealthy ISFJ mother in law will ever be kind to an ENTJ daughter in law or is this relationship doomed from the start? Thanks for your kind advices.
Because of that, my husband and I have recently bought a house, and since he was her only child, we decided to take care of her and let her move in with us. Ever since she moved in, she has been trying to back stab me and passive aggressively attack me, an ENTJ daughter in law. I understand that in principle ENTJs and ISFJs don't get along but I think she took great offense in the fact that her INTP son decided to choose a wife that is so different from her. She has issues with me ranging from the fact that I am working (not a housewife, therefore a bad mother/wife in her opinion), stating that I do absolutely no housework, even though we have hired a full time house helper to take care of her and clean the house, cook etc. to the fact that I have food allergies, with her asking the helper to only prepare food that I am allergic to for dinner. In my defense, I have not done anything towards her except marry her son. I have designed the house such that it's 100% handicap accessible and ensured that she can access every part of the house. I have also surrendered our living room to her and offered to buy a car for my father in law to drive her around. She has also forbidden me from letting my own parents to enter our home since she resents them for being able to walk even though they are 5 years older than her.
I understand that unhealthy ISFJs have issues letting go of their precious children and are competitive with daughter in laws. I hate living like this with her constantly being passive aggressive towards me even though I have zero intention of playing the same game or being mean to her. I just want to make sure she's living a comfortable life after being unfortunate enough to be wheel chair ridden at such a young age. I've tried to continue to be nice to her for a year including buying her expensive facial products ($300 bucks) regularly but her passive aggression has not decreased. I have even told my husband to spend more time talking to her and give her more attention. I have constantly reminded him to do something special for her on her birthday and mother's day, including giving him suggestions of what to buy (flowers cakes etc) that made her jubilant. We both even took leave on her birthday so that we can take her to the aquarium for a family outing. However, none of these seems to reduce her passive aggression towards me. It gets worse everytime she's in a bad mood or if she caught my husband being nice to me.
I'm seriously at a lost of what to do and to continue to try to be nice to her even though she's mean to me has hurt me quite a bit and ENTJs don't usually get hurt easily. I felt that it was a little unfair to me and I don't really know what to do since unhealthy ISFJs do not take constructive advice well and are insanely inflexible. It's her way or the highway. I am wondering if it's futile for me to continue to be nice to her and instead of hurting myself even further bending myself backwards for her when all she does is passive aggressively attack me and backstab me whenever she can. Hope some ISFJs can share their opinions on whether an unhealthy ISFJ mother in law will ever be kind to an ENTJ daughter in law or is this relationship doomed from the start? Thanks for your kind advices.