SilkRoad
Lay the coin on my tongue
- Joined
- May 26, 2009
- Messages
- 3,932
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 6w5
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
I do this too. The problem is I think INFJ tends to not feeling too guilty of this because once then shun someone off, they can be easily blocked from our memory. I think it has to do with the high expectation and projecting it to people who are dear to us. One possible reason is that we tend to invest our entire trust to someone once s/he has passed our inner-judgment test, especially INFJ tend to have very small circle of friends. Being a conflict avoider doesn't help either. We kept collecting and holding grudges and perhaps the flaws that we've been accumulated from others could be seen as a point of no return.
I once remember that my friend commented on me that I tend to put people into three distinctive categories. Either I really like or hate someone, or the rest are all the same in the mid-zone. So she said it's quite easy for her (an ENFJ) to figure out how I felt toward someone based on my comment about people.
I hear that ENFJs do the thing as well (perhaps even more so than INFJs?) where they cut someone off and go from a lot of liking/love to a lot of dislike/hate. I don't think I have known many ENFJs IRL but I think I have seen some of that in action. I think ENFJs and I have many similar feelings inside, but I like the fact that they express theirs more openly and passionately.
I think it is a kind of self-protection, though probably an unhealthy form. If I still feel as though I like or love the person, I would still want them actively in my life and sometimes for one reason or another that's impossible. It's a way of detaching and moving on. Unfortunately I don't handle well the idea of keeping the good memories although the friendship or relationship didn't work out. It's too painful. So, the dislike/hate becomes a waystation on the way to eventual indifference, which is also kind of sad, but ultimately it feels like blessed relief.