cafe
Well-known member
- Joined
- Apr 19, 2007
- Messages
- 9,827
- MBTI Type
- INFJ
- Enneagram
- 9w1
My point is that my husband is absolutely not like you describe NTs as being when it comes to conflict and it is no different when he really cares about a situation, because trust me, he does care about our kids' education and appreciates that I take those situations on.He does not deal with the outer world not because he lacks the firmness but because he is simply not interested in it. The more internally focused a person is the less he can be bothered with pesky external errands. Js enjoy more and perform better at errands because their goal-setting orients around the external world. Your anecdotal post had nothing to do with the posed question as you seem to have confused Jness(or decisiveness with the external world) for firmness of mind.
He hates conflict and all the drama and bad feelings that frequently go along with it. It is highly unpleasant to him, much more so than it is to me. He also genuinely cares about the feelings of others, not so much that he goes out of his way to make people feel good (because he doesn't do that with people outside the family) but in that he dislikes hurting people or making them feel bad. He is a kind person. He treats everyone with courtesy and respect because it is a part of his personal system of ethics to do so and, I suspect, because life just works better that way.
I think that, regardless of your type, if your true nature is asshole, it is definitely in your best interest to hide it. People do not like being treated inconsiderately and tend to retaliate (sometimes covertly, as you have observed) when they are.