Before I converted at 20, I hated God, and I wanted to nail him to a cross; however, it was my ability to think for myself, to subject my emotions and my will to my capacity to reason, that lead me to accept the gospel: the study of philosophy lead to theology, and theology lead to Christianity. My feelings, my hatred and disgust for God, told me the gospel couldn't be true, but I was forced to convert in order to maintain my intellectual integrity. I'd drop my faith in an instant if I thought it reasonable to do so, but thus far, despite being under the tutelage of a cadre of some of the most highly trained skeptical philosophers, I've yet to find a reason to doubt my faith.
As a friend, not as a philosopher, I highly recommend you reconsider the faith. The "faith" you're familiar with is no faith at all. In the bible, faith is contrasted with sight, never with understanding; indeed, faith is the evidence of things not seen, and it's only through the understanding, through the use of reason, that we obtain evidence for that which is unseen.
For the typical person, (F or T), I'd agree. But this girl is atypical. All persons have the capacity to reason, and any person--even an F--can think logically and conform her actions to rational authority. I know many F's who respect the authority of insight based on reason, integrate this insight into their understanding, and then act in accordance with it. These persons are beautiful and vital to my spiritual life. Thinking by itself is sterile. It's our values that spur us to action. While a T might be able to tell you what love is, it's an F who's going to put love into practice and teach you what love means through her actions. Theory without practice is dead, and practice without theory is chaos. T's and F's need each other because they complete each other.
You really, really need to find yourself a sweet F gal who adores you and has the patience to cultivate your F. You've no idea what you're missing..
I want what's best for her. I want her to become established while letting her know that I'm not rejecting her.
It's a fine line indeed. Alas, a large part of me just wants to be in love, consequences be damned. To navigate this line without being dragged along by my passions is going to take at least some disciplined thought.
Thank you for both your honesty and your respect. The Te/Fe stuff can be rough, but there are good reasons for it. Marriage isn't easy. Even if this system isn't the best system to protect marriage, it's better than no protection at all, and I certainly haven't thought of a better way to go about it.
Thanks for doing the research! We've (kind of) already done this. I guess the next one will have to be more explicit.
If you'd just converted to Christianity, or a form of it with which you weren't very familiar, how long would you want a guy you were interested in to wait before he tried to sweep you off your feet?
Is that too much to ask?
I don't want that, but it would make this easier.
Wow. Good to know. But how do I put my balls on the table without violating my religious ethics? She needs to get established and we need to get to know each other before we can get start courting, but, until then, I'm only allowed to "woo" her... whatever that means.
I'll pose the same question to you that I posed to Usehername above.
More solid advice. Why wouldn't an xNFJ struggle with that so much? Do you think if I brought it up with her again, say in the next week or so, that my bringing it up again wouldn't bother her?
Same question to you, as above. Heck, if any woman in the room (thread?) wants to respond to the question, please do.
I'm going to steal that last line from you. Just don't know when I'll use it.
INTJMom gave a good explanation above. Courtship is for the protection of marriage, and it's for the protection of those desiring to get married. The father is supposed to know what it takes to be a good husband, and he's supposed to weed out the losers. If the boy passes muster--and the girl accepts his request--then the elders pass on everything they've learned about how to make a marriage work to the courting couple.
Neither the boy nor the girl need expose all of their thoughts and feelings, but each will be tested to see if he or she understands what is essential for a good marriage. And it shouldn't be a stranger. Ideally, the father is to test the young man, and the father and mother together are to determine if their daughter is ready to be married.