Tweaking certain things is counter-intuitive to me, because it's just part of my communication style. I can't predict who is going to react this way (and I'm not claiming all people do, I just meant I get it a lot) and I honestly don't feel I blow smoke up their asses. If they bring up a subject I have absolutely no knowledge on or interest in, I say as much but I'm still open to hearing them talk about it because I genuinely like hearing people/watching people talk about the things they like.
Usually, though, I know at least something about their topic of conversation and I'll mention what I do know about. I have no idea how they're going to take this information. I experimented a little at some parties where I would just listen and not mention crap about what I knew, but that felt stupid to me in the end. I didn't want to refrain from contributing to the conversation just because I was unsure if this person might do that 'latch on' thing. I've gone through this so many times that, like I said, I try to choose my words carefully.
I think it's kind of true that people, on the whole, just don't listen to each other. I see this for myself when I hear the conversations of others. They step on one another, they ignore what the person is talking about just to talk about themselves, and they invalidate each other a lot (not saying this is done consciously or maliciously). I admit I used to be the one who would listen and validate people because I wanted approval/friends so badly, but I've grown out of that. I try to bring balance into the situation by talking about myself and my own likes/dislikes/opinions, but so often it seems people are so used to being ignored that they just have this massive reaction to anyone who actually validates and shows they are listening to what they're saying.
If it makes me feel awkward for any reason, it's because I don'twant to come off like I'm misrepresenting myself but when people hear what they want to hear, it can be difficult.
I know this is probably one of those points that makes people like me come off very deliberate and calculating, but I think that's a misunderstanding. Same thing on the point of manipulation. In all honesty, I know very well and have always known I have the ability to manipulate people with the amount of information they unknowingly give me. I had an experience with this when I was around six years old.
A friend had this She-Ra doll (it was actually a Sorceress doll with wings that moved) and I wanted it really badly. I had just gotten this little plastic purse from my aunt who had gone traveling, it was a souvenir from Antigua or Mexico. It was just a generic thing, filled with little toys and puzzles. I knew it was not the same value as this doll, but I started talking to her like it was MORE valuable. I exaggerated its worth, made it seem like it was special because it was from another country, etc. I did all of this and more, until she was begging ME to trade with her. And I did.
I have never forgotten that, because I remember I got this doll home and I couldn't even play with it, I felt so incredibly guilty and horrible for what I'd done. To this day, I still feel shame because of it, even though I was just a child at the time. This stuck with me though, and though I am still very aware I have the ability to manipulate, it has become set in stone in terms of my personal code of ethics not to. Hence, when I'm accused of being manipulative, I can get really upset because of how utterly conscientious of that particular topic I am.
On the other hand, I can see where people who are like me can come off as manipulative, calculating, deliberate. In regards to the deliberateness, I'm not sure I can argue that because I can be. I don't think this automatically translates as disingenuous though, I don't think that is fair. I think a lot, I'm constantly thinking, I'm constantly aware. That's just how I am.
I've spent many hours wishing I wasn't, because I see so many people so much more at ease with socializing than I am and I've been envious of how little it exhausts them. I spent a lot of time wanting to be that way and trying to make myself that way. But I'm not. I'm simply not that way. I pick up on social dynamics, I gain a lot of information through body language and timbre, I discover a lot of subtext in what someone tells me and which words they choose. I truly do like the fact I can understand things about people that perhaps constantly go unnoticed by others most of the time. I am not good at approaching conversations in that "small talk just to make small talk' way and I never will be. If I talk to someone, I don't expect them to become a really good friend of mine and I'm no longer the sort of person who is disappointed if they don't (I was when I was younger, but not anymore), but if that's not at least a possibility, I don't see the point talking to anyone at a party. It's why I suck at networking. Talking to someone who is a member of the chamber of commerce just to see if I can get a connection to find work? That shit seems wrong to me. Talking to the Belle of the Ball or Mr. Popular just to be seen talking to them? Again, when it comes to my own personal inner compass, that seems pointless. I approach conversations to potentially make a friend, and hence I listen, and if I know something about what they're talking about, I will bring it into the conversation.
In situations where people latch-on to something I've said and become convinced I feel the exact same way, it's just friggin' awkward sometimes. Again, my aim with this thread was not asking for advice, like I said, I handle this stuff okay and I do endeavor to toss qualifiers in there and talk about myself as well. It was meant to be anecdotal really, in a "You ever find yourself in that situation too?" way. In some cases, yeah, I get irritated because it seems to be a case of someone so wholly into themselves, they see others as just extensions of what ever they like, think, are into, etc. In some cases, I think it's people who are so ignored and invalidated, it's just exciting when someone shows they understand (and why wouldn't it be?).