Provoker
Permabanned
- Joined
- Feb 4, 2008
- Messages
- 252
- MBTI Type
- INTJ
Just admit that it's because you're afraid. There's nothing wrong with being afraid, and you're so damn afraid you can't even admit you're afraid, cos you're afraid of that too. You're so afraid of it that even me saying you are, you're probably taking as an insult or an attack because you think it's so damn terrible to have feelings, you can't imagine how someone seeing that you do and saying so can be anything but an attack.
I think there's some truth to this. My sister recently had a baby and while she was still in the hospital they were passing the baby around like a football and I was not comfortable holding it in front of my family and thus refused to at first. In this case, I was just against the idea of attention being on me and I can be very hasty and aggressive and I didn't want to hold the fragile/delicate newborn. I was also skeptical of the vibrations I was giving off. As adults we tend to intellectualize and intuit but babies just feel vibrations and I wasn't certain I would comfort it with positive vibes. This was exacerbated by the social tensions between my mom and dad in the waiting room (who are long seperated and hadn't seen eachother in a long time) as well as my grandma who tried to contradict me when I was just making small talk (reflection of poor judgement) she also snickered at my mom (something my mom didn't catch on to but I'm very astute in picking up on those haugty chuckles, afterall, I am a pioneer of the condescending chuckle). Setting that aside, this probably sounds terrible but I just thought the whole thing was rather staged and I'm not going to act and make those stupid faces for sustained periods of time in front of everyone (although I would go on to do it later when there were less people around). I do have emotions I suppose I'm just less likely to display them publicly and I'm more comfortable with being perceived as hardened. Having said that, I just finished my last exam for the summer courses I've been taking and I've opted to increase my extraversion by a few notches. I saw a buddy tonight and I'm playing hockey tomorrow night and going out for beers after. It was mentioned that my persective is highly selfish, and by looking at things under the optic I've presented people can be understood as merely having instrumental value. This is another dilemma I sometimes face. There is a lingering perception - primarily in my family though not only - that I only come around (descend from the ivory tower as substitute put it) when it suits me. In fact, most people see me as very self-absorbed and this is exacerbated by my lack of empathy due to the emotional numbness. Add to this the fact that I'm predominately surrounded by sensors (in my near abroad) which doesn't help. In effect, they will ramble about their dogs or bosses or whatever smalltalk and my brain immediate drifts off. Then if they ask a question about me I will go into a sililoquy and leave them so lost in abstraction that it makes me look like a horses ass. So I'm still struggling to find an equilibrium that is feasible when socializing. Well guys and gals, I appreciate the feedback given thus far and a few of you in particular have made some very valid points!