Provoker,
You may very well be smart since intelligence runs with NT temperament. I know I am, and thank Qod, too, since, as one old friend remarked, I have made my way in life with few marketable skills other than intellectual horsepower. And that, my friend, leads me back to your first post in this thread.
1. If you're smart, possibly socially retarded (for whatever reason), isolated (by choice or circumstance) and want to be in a safe social environment that tolerates, nay, accepts, freaks and geeks of the highest order, try Mensa. You don't have to test or join to go to local Mensa events. Wherever you are, there's probably a local chapter that has monthly meetings for new and prospective members. For many, Mensa is the social outlet of last resort. For you, it could be a great place to start. Google American Mensa and you're on your way. If you want your local chapter newsletter, PM me and I'll send you one.
2. You have emotions all the time, guaranteed. Intense ones, subtle ones...joy, hatred, fear, jealousy, hunger, happiness, anger, frustration, lust, ecstasy, envy, thirst, etc. Your body/mind generate them unconsciously. At some point you can, with study and practice, program your unconscious. For now, you just need to see, listen for, or simply feel your emotions and where they are in your body when you're feeling them. NT's often get lost in meta head-space and disassociate. So, for a moment, simply PAY ATTENTION TO YOUR EMOTIONS. Try it now. Silence your internal chatter and...just feel whatever your feeling, and where in your body you're feeling it. You may not have names for those emotions, and it could take a little time to identify them, but no matter. Check out this list and just feel each one, just to see what it's like. Remember what each feels like and where in your body you feel it.
List of emotions Once you know where in your body you feel a particular emotion, you can feel that emotion again, on demand, simply by poking yourself in that part of your body...and that's just the beginning of another discussion we can get into later.
3. Play, practice and experiment with your social skills. Experiment on other people! Experiment on them early and often! Have fun with it! Remember, many people can tell what you're feeling, no matter what camo you
think you're wearing. The only effective camo is when you can control what you're
feeling, and that comes only with experience. Emotions are the linga franca of non-verbal communication, which is most of it. Whether we admit it to ourselves or not, we, as humans, wear our emotions on our sleeves, our faces, in our mannerisms and especially, in the uncontrollable outward physical manifestations of our internal processes. For example, can you will yourself not to blush, or smile, without destroying the emotion your feeling? Can you remember something visual without looking up? Can you cry without tears? The reality of being human is that you can't help but be yourself, and people who recommend that are giving you bad advice because it often creates a self conscious response, and that's particularly unhelpful.
4. Of course, being self conscious can be problematic, unless you forget to be self conscious and remember to have fun. Focus outward. Focus on what's going on with the person you're with. You'll probably f*ck up at first, and f*ck up alot! I recommend you do! F*ck up early and often just so you know how, so you'll have a baseline of what doesn't work. Then, stop doing those things that you remember don't work and do those things that you remember do work. You may feel awkward sometimes, but when you feel awkward, immediately hear that song from Apocolypse Now, you know, "Ride of the Valkyries".
YouTube - Apocalypse Now - The Ride Of The Valkyries Feel better damn near immediately and move forward confidently.
5. Be positive with others. Say positive things and say them with gusto. Yes, that sounds simplistic, but nobody likes hearing you bitch unless it's really entertaining (doubtful) or it's something they're also pissed about. Something simple and easy is to say something positive about the weather, even if it's raining, and say it like you mean it. You'll be off to a great start. This is so f'ing powerful I can't overstate it.
6. So, you grew up in a home where it was falsely asserted that emotions = weakness. Chances are, you have a voice inside your head, (not a schizophrenic voice, but just that part of you we all have) the voice that beats you up when you feel an emotion.
TELL THAT VOICE TO STFU WHENEVER IT PIPES UP!!!! Yes, practice, now.
STFU!! STFU!!! STFU!!! Yes, doesn't that feel nice? Don't you feel better already? I had one of those voices, too, thanks to my father. He berated me for something different, but no matter. I found that voice and the part of me that spoke it, and told it to
STFU!!! Repeatedly. Loudly. Early and often. It took a few rounds in the ring, but that MF doesn't come out any more, and I think I starved him to death.
7. Okay, this is the gold. You've read this far so you get a prize!
We all synthisize happiness, but we think happiness is a thing to be found. Dan Gilbert asks, Why are we happy? | Video on TED.com
That's it for tonight's lesson.
Be well.
H.S. Mencken