The parts about trying to hurt others. I remember even when I mistyped at 8, I started a thread asking everyone (based on the Naranjo text) "How sadistic are you?" And wrote about how I am NOT sadistic, I don't hurt others for fun. I can enjoy winning at someone else's expense if they are an asshole, but I don't enjoy hurting people just for the sake of it. In fact, I am prone to see something through the eyes of the opposite party and no matter how bad they are to me, I can still see their point of view and understand that they are only human and "didn't mean it." I'm not sadistic.. period. When I was very unhealthy though, traumatized etc, I was emotionally sadistic in my relationships.. but that's a whole other post I will leave for another day..
I don't get any enjoyment out of other people failing and I truly do root for my friends and family. I'm not "jealous" of their accomplishments. "Minimizing someone else's accomplishments" is not quite right unless its about strangers who basically don't exist to me. Or famous female singers ever since I lost my singing voice. Things like that. I hardly ever like female singers and basically they don't exist to me or I find some reason why they aren't that good. But I don't do this with friends. I have a friend who is a female singer and I encourage her more than anyone, teach her technique, help with recordings and root for her to rise to the top since I couldn't. Sometimes I feel sick to my stomach over it, but other times I am truly happy for her. Still, no matter how bad I FEEL I would never take it out on her or try to undermine her. I actually can't stand when people do that. I don't mind if someone tells me they hate me, or tells me to my face that they're jealous, but catty undermining disgusts me and I don't participate; or if I do it would be very unconscious and something I would try to avoid.
I'm not vocal about expressing needs. I'm probably sp-last but I'm more likely to keep my needs to myself and force myself to meet my own needs. I actually MINIMIZE my needs and when I have them, I expect myself to meet them. I have never said to anyone "I need you" or even used it in a sentence like "I need you to help me fix the door." I am ANTI - need. I think it's crucial for people to take responsibility for themselves. I also don't want to be where I'm not wanted. I would never say "I need you" because that would force someone to be there for me when they might not want to. I want someone to be around me because I am amazing or because they love me and WANT to be there; not because I'm pathetic and they feel they need to help me.
Desire is a different story. I still can be prone to play competitive heart-games/ power-games (WITHDRAWING games, to be specific) when my powerful desire isn't returned. I outgrew this to a large degree, but it's my compulsion. My most powerful heartbreak-ballad on my first album climaxes with the phrase: "Why do I need to win?? Why do I need to win?!!"
I was angry and demanding with my family as a kid, and compared everything with my brother.. like "why should HE have that, I WANT IT".. but I outgrew that by the time I was 12, though I might feel angry about such favoritism even to this day.
Because I am reasonable and think things through, and for the reasons above - I have been told that while I am a clear SX dom, I seem more like a SP 4 description. Suffering in silence, taking my pain on myself, endurance, etc. But I know what my deeper problems are. Friends and outsiders might see an SP-ish 4, who suffers in silence, but my family and ex-boyfriends or lovers would clearly see the SX-4. One of my exes told me, when I typed at 8, "So is that why you love fighting?" My friends would see me as very reasonable and understanding, and not competitive or bringing them down, but they never slept with me or became the object of my desire. I DO NOT compete with friends for men - never have , never will. If a man is with my friend he's not a 'man' to me, he doesn't exist beyond "her boyfriend." I'm very loyal like that. But if I don't know the female competition, then .. I wish them luck..
My competitions are quite direct; I don't focus on competing with other women; I compete with my lover directly. The other women generally don't exist because I'm so different from them that they're not even from my planet, I can't compete with another species directly. It's still shamelessness and 'arrogance' in its own rite, I suppose.. but its not quite what someone might think just from the description. I'm not "bringing them down," I'm just being myself and getting what I want. I don't need to bring others down in order to shine - I am just so obnoxiously "special" that the other women get annoyed and end up making asses of themselves. ^_^ (unfortunately I am only half kidding…) IF a man chooses an Earthling over me, then he isn't from my planet and that is a turn-off. If the woman is genuinely 'better' than me, or extraordinary.. many songs will be written and much self-searching will happen.
[In either case, the anger I feel, the rejection, the "I'm not enough for him," the misery.. this goes into my writing and music.]
I've been told by more than one SO that my handling of the competition was part of my sex appeal. That I never bring anyone down, and still manage to make them hate me so much that they make asses of themselves. I end up with so many haters because of it, but apparently that animalistic competitive desire is sexy? I mean.. I guess that's pretty extreme. But the way I see it, all is fair in love and war. An SX-2 "beat me" at a competition and ended up with someone I had been with on & off for years & crazy about… and I didn't hate her for it in the end.. I admired her techniques, and we fixed our friendship.. and now I go to her for seduction advice.
But I'm EXTREMELY loyal to friends; they are not competition. I love having friends who are better than me in various ways because it inspires me to be better. I'm not attention seeking in groups; I love having friends who take the stage. I just want to be me, quietly fill my niche, be independent, and occasionally I want something enough to fight for it.