As an ENTJ the only woman I ever felt love for was an admitted ENFJ, she also was the only woman in 20 years of life on planet earth to actually intimidate me. I think it was love but it was confusing, I usually am in control with most women, but not her. I couldn't get her out of my head, and I hated that. She drove me insane. People gravitated towards her as if she was the messiah and I was fascinated by that type of control she had on people without actually doing anything. She had a different type of reality distortion field than me. I never perused anything with her, and now she's dating some 27 year old, ex marine, college dropout loser who is fat and works at pizza hut and lives 2 states away, I assume because he is evangelical (another reason she drove me insane). This of course makes me hate her more, but if tomorrow she proposed to me, I would say yes. The 30 Rock character Jack Donaghy's (ENTJ) 18 year long divorce proceedings with Bianca would describe my future with this woman, if I had a future with her. I want to become the next Bill Gates or president of the U.S. to either impress her or prove she made a major mistake in not being with me, or a mixture of the both. Just a weird, friendship, or whatever I had with this girl. I guess the real question is, how the hell do NT types manage love? What do you do when all rationality goes out the window and you have to use your feelings to judge and respond to the needs of another? I can I avoid this in the future? Is it different for ENTPs or INTJs?
Well, I have to be honest here, if you never actually went over anything related to romance with her, you don't have anyone to be grumpy at but yourself...?
Women do appreciate if you go out there and let 'em know what you feel. Just take action. May not always win, but you'll have done all you could, so no regrets there.
I knew an INFP like that, but it was more of a mutual lust attraction than love. So many hormones between us, and she was kind of a confused nympho, but I know the feelings that you get afterwards. One day becoming awesome to prove her wrong! That'd show her!
But you know what? There are other fish in the sea. That's a cliche, for sure, but it's no less true. There are multiple people to fall in love with.
Answer to your final question: nope, you can't avoid it... Love enjoys hiding in the bushes until your back is turned and you feel safe, then walloping you over the head with a giant cricket bat. And bam, you're down again. It's not fun, but it's life.
As for managing love, I kind of just go with it. As weird as that sounds, it helps. Just do what feels right.
Damn, I sound like a hippie.