[MENTION=19700]Starcrash[/MENTION]
Alright, I'll try to do my best...
I think what motivates me most is the unordinary, experiencing, living and expressing something different, own only to myself. I am pretty much aware of how I can be different than other people, what are my weaknesses and my strengths that differ me from the general and I want to be able to use them and be recognized as successful for applying them in my work, or hobbies.
Honestly ordinary life with stable job and family scares me the most of all things.
I do not only seek for the extraordinary for its sake, but I also seek for something "more". I do not like the traditionally glamorous or luxury things, but I have my own idea of style and status that I wish to achieve and represent. I can not really stand when people behave "weird" just out of whim... I like when things fit together, I price my individuality just as I price my place and my role in social situations.
I also think knowledge is extremely important and I highly value education and intellect. I can be intellectual "snobbish" and picky. I often see knowledge as a tool for improving one's character and status. I can be analytical and I really love philosophy (Jung, Nietzsche, Adler, Existencionalists, absurdists, etc...) . I really do try to understand the world on the intellectual level and I like to discuss theories with people, even physics can fascinate me, when it's highly abstract. I am not spiritual though, I am kind of nihilistic actually .
My greatest fears and anxieties are mainly existential and philosophical... I mostly deal with questions such as meaning of life , or a basic concept of the universe. I seek for true and definitions , but am also indecisive and it's hard for me to pick something definite, or concrete.
I fear that I am not doing the right thing and that is why I am often indecisive, I want things to fit into a larger framework, but I am unhappy when stuff doesn't go my way as I am dreamy and idealistic.
I fear that I will be free to explore the world and its possibilities. That I won't go the way that I feel is right for me and my persona.
I have issues with very low self-confidence, indecisiveness, social insecurity, I feel humiliation and shame.
I am nihilistic, hedonist and really lazy. I tend to not do anything that I personally do not want to. I hesitate so I often feel like I don't live my life to its fullest.