It depends on the couple. But the basis of a marriage is trust bar none. Wherever you go, whoever you talk to, whatever you lose, you know that in a body, behind a set of eyes, is someone that understands you and wants to understand you. You know that any disagreement is simply that and you can respect their opinion and take heed to their counsel. They are a partner and friend in this adventure.
Pretty much this. My definition of marriage is kinda.. nebulous, but based upon trust.
For the record, the girl is ENFJ like you and would describe it as you do. Trust is key.
We're not married yet, and we've got a lil' ways to go before we are. We're undergoing premarital counseling right now, and we've both got some personal ducks to get in a row before we walk down the aisle.
I wouldn't
want much to change for us on the wedding day. I would want it to largely be a celebration of the relationship that we have built over time with one another, not an abrupt change in how we view one another. There's some formal and legal recognition thrown in, but it's not the
point in and of itself.
Making it the turning point, as I've seen others do, has led to undue stress and expectations placed upon that day. "If we get married, everything is going to magically fix itself!! Forever!!"
I cannot imagine
not having the opportunity to get to know each other on all levels (including the contentious ones--cohabitation, sex, etc.) before signing the formal agreement. I know that there are other cultures out there that have other stances--for example, some cultures figure that if you are arranged to marry someone early, you have your whole lives to figure one another out--but I can't imagine making that work.
I love and support her without a formal contract (but we are also aiming for a formal contract!), and the marriage itself would be but a celebration of that. After that, we would ask.. "what's next?"
(Well, okay; we've already talked extensively about our plans after marriage. But you know what I mean. The point is that it's an evolving adventure.)