The only problem is, I need constructive criticism when it comes to learning how to deal with others when they don't conform to my expectations. :steam: I tend to dismiss those who do not work or think like I do. At home, I have no close friends and need to decompress from my husband; is this normal?
It's not abnormal, in the sense that while not part of what soceity considers a 'norm', it's not really a disorder either.
However, as you say, it is destructive. I'd recommend, and I'd recommend this for any INTJ in a leadership position that believes they have these kinds of issues, that you write down a list of your core advantages - why are you a leader? For each advantage you write down, write down the opposing disadvantage. The longer it takes you to come up with one, the more important it is to think about it seriously, maybe even try to come up with more than one. For each disadvantage, name costs - strategic costs, personal costs... but find the costs that you have inflicted on yourself.
In the case of not being able to relate to people, write out why other people don't have these costs... look at it from the POV of how other people can balance out your own style, your own flaws. For personal relationships, write down how you inflict costs on your spouse - it always helps if both sides are doing this in the couple cases. Change it for friends, work... anything.
The mistake that INTJs seem to have is fighting only in the present and forward - not looking at the big picture. Yes, you might be able to solve this problem, get it done on time... but there are costs to your methodologies. Balance can only be achieved when you see your own shortfalls and identify the solutions in other people.
[/armchair psychology. But seriously, it's a good excersize for anyone.]