Three times doesn't seem that rare.
You don't understand. I'm flush with people all day. The sheer volume of bodies should have me clicking left and right, but it doesn't. I can't just "date". I hate dating. I hate having to be fake and prettied up to impress someone.
(The third guy, thank goodness he left before anything cosmically awful could happen. You may strike him from the record. He had enough sense and INTP self-control to leave. I can still respect myself too. Marriage is sacred to me.)
But the other two? I cried for YEARS when they left. I couldn't get on because of them. Wouldn't date. Wouldn't even consider another man. It was a horrendous
horrible ripping of my person and I limped along for ages just trying to get myself back together. Even now, I still get jacked up about them and feel like an idiot for crying sometimes when it must be true that they've long since forgotten about me.
Once people are ground into me, they never. Come. Back. Out. Like splinter too deep in your finger to reach. That's the maddening god-awfulness of it. I'm going to absorb him into myself without any conscious choice on either part and it's going to be a nightmare. Wuthering Heights? That intense mess is for real.
Some people around here haven't found one yet.
Neither have I.
It's this level of passion I find intriguing in Fe dom's. If they are good people also, it is also a source of great admiration and respect for me too-- This "wearing their heart on their sleves."
But I have to be honest when I say that I have never felt that level of passion for anything myself, and that is part of the draw(and the fear).
I feel I am at my best when calm and collected. I don't really function well when worked-up. So I tend to drive myself towards a "peace-of-mind."
The problem with this striving is that peace-of-mind, and apathetic are very close together states.
Perhaps my soul yearns for a way to avoid apathy, while still being calm. To be frank, sometimes I could use a good kick in the rear. But only if it is done with love AND respect will it be appreciated.
The other major issue is, I have no clue what it is that I (can) give an ExFJ. I don't like to be a free-loader.
Interesting and insightful post, Y.
Love and respect are not optional.
And why would you be a freeloader? Don't you believe you bring your own unique "brand" to the relationship?