Sure, I appreciate the idea of love, romance, and all that. What I don’t appreciate is gambling on an emotion, losing, and then regretting it forever. It’s a high risk game and I’m wondering if it’s really worth it.
Why is society so desperately pressuring us into finding love? You can’t turn on the TV or listen to music without getting hammered by someone’s view on love. I know I certainly feel the pressure. The two least favorite questions I hate to hear are “When are you going to find a girlfriend?” and “Are you ever going to get married?”.
When I weigh being single vs. being in a relationship, I usually side with being single. The only thing that would make me think otherwise is finding the elusive/mythical soul mate, however you’re supposed do that.
Hey, I get where you're coming from.
fishingdude said:
What I would like to know from my fellow ISTJs is, is love worth the trouble? How have your relationships gone? Have you had many of them? If you’re married, are you satisfied? Did you make the moves or did your spouse have to initiate all the advances? Is it worth all the stress? Do you wish you were still single?
I'm not married, I'm currently single, and I'd probably like being in a relationship, but I don't
mind being single.
My past relationships (about 3 of them, total) have never gone badly, just...boringly. I was never bored with the relationship, but eventually the girlfriend was. With one of them, it was because of long-distance. With my first girlfriend, it was because I was so nervous that now I was actually going out with her, I was afraid to lose her. We were both really shy, and didn't really risk doing anything romantic. So here, I can see where you say that "taking risks" might have saved a relationship.
With that first girlfriend, I told her I loved her (only admitted it as she was breaking up with me), and I did mean it. It felt like it. But what did I know about love? This was my first relationship. Since it didn't work out, I don't know whether it was really love, and basically I tried to redefine it in my mind.
Because I don't tend to take initiative in relationships, I'd probably be best with someone who starts things. I just never start things, in life, in general. Or am I just leaving the hard work to someone else? People will probably say I should find a middle ground.
I remember with my first girlfriend, my best friend called her and made me talk to her--I hated that he did that. With the second one, I thought I made it clear, but (her being an ENFP) she didn't take "I like you" to mean the same thing I did. Miscommunication. With the third one, a friend of hers asked if I liked her, and said she wouldn't tell her. So when I asked her out a week later, she said "I know"--her friend had told her. Haha, this is a funny list.
After these three, since then I've asked out a few more girls (about 3 more), all of whom have turned me down.
I've basically come to the decision that it's not worth the effort to go out and get a relationship. It would be nice to have one--I guess, it would depend on a lot of things--but it's too much effort. The "emotional risk" doesn't factor in until you're deeper into the relationship, though of course one leads to the other. And if someone "came into my life", as the romantics put it, I wouldn't fight it. I'd probably be glad. Deep down, I'm a romantic, too. (I can tell from when I've been in a relationship, it's not non-existent.)
Now, having been in a relationship (any other ISTJs been in one?), I can tell you it does feel pretty good. You probably guessed that from the way society, pop-culture, and others have been telling you for years. But I don't think it's so important that this quest should rule my life. I don't know how to put it clearly...