Are they particularly skilled at guilt trips? Underhanded manipulation?
Absolutely. It's a natural skill of theirs. If you had their loyalty, that'd slowly dissipate and they'd turn against you in subtle ways, distrusting you, poking at you, and if they were supportive they would withdraw support (a sinful act in the ISFJ's eyes, who shows love through support).
What are their defenses and tactics of choice when they want attention, control, etc.?
Quite honestly it's hard to tell until the ISFJ has been pushed very far. But they:
- Get nitpicky
"This is what I have done, what have you done?" "Why aren't you helping me? I helped you do [X] 2 days ago!"
- See you as the cause of
their negative emotions even if indirect "I can't focus at work. This is because
[you] aren't giving me
[what the ISFJ wants]."
- Trying to put their foot down or seeing their emotions as more important than yours, but in unhealthy and negative ways and tries to rationalize them, sometimes in ways not making sense (eg; even if the both of you need dinner, they will absolutely stop making dinner, or doing something similar other than
actually talking it out with you or
setting boundaries,
"If they see how important my presence is, they will pay more attention to me." "Ya. I don't care. *actually cares*")
- Reasoning with them will work less. The point is they want an emotional need met (even if they sometimes can't or won't say it out loud), ending up in a guessing game. They don't want to hear what is right or wrong,
THEY are
HURT and
THEY NEED to process it.
- Male or female, they will become more petty and catty as a way of getting back at you / as an inefficient way of showing that they have unmet needs.
- Two words: Martyr Syndrome.