I hope the OP returns and sees this thread evolution; it may provide some helpful info. [MENTION=17494]Ayelless[/MENTION] - come back!
[MENTION=8936]highlander[/MENTION]; [MENTION=10496]skylights[/MENTION]: I align more with highlander's descriptions on the ISFJ. My mom is ISFJ. As for the gifts discussion, she often gives the gifts she thinks are the "right" gifts, as though the thing that counts is the actual giving of
something, rather than really reading the other person to ascertain what would be delightful. (Examples: one of my brothers works in a brewery, and she was going to give him beer from a competitor for XMas - for my son, she was going to give him a 5 car washes coupon when the nearest gas station of that brand is nearly half an hour away and he works at a gas station - for my daughter, a subscription to a lay-person's magazine in her field, rather than one at her level of expertise. I can go on, those are just from the last few months ...) She means well enough though. My hubs and her have the same taste in books, and she often gives him the novels she has already finished.
So, if you get a book from my Mom, you can be assured she's already read it, no matter how much she takes care not to crack the spine.
Lists are the solution here. She wants to please, so the provision of a list works best. Still though, she will vet the list if she doesn't "like" what's on it. My ESFJ MIL loves the same kind of thing - lists are prevalent on that side of the family. (Which is where I learned about gift lists and how useful they can be!)
I can sense my Mom's internal state and give her what she "needs" and she literally watches me for emotional reaction all the time. In this way, I have more control over our interactions than does she. If I don't externally exude emotions, nothing is known. Her ability to internally gauge where I'm at is extremely limited. The strange irony to me is that there are acceptable and unacceptable emotions. As an emotionally wired youngster with two SJ parents, I learned very young to simply hide my emotional reactions because it was too painful to share them and have them judged for appropriateness. My Mom would be ready with social judging; my ISTJ Dad, in matters of practical judgement. My Mom was awkward when I would cry and my Dad would tell me to suck it up and quit bawling. Even now as a seasoned adult, when I express what I want to do / am doing / am feeling, their knee-jerk response is
still to comment on appropriateness, feasibility and practicality.
I still get the urge to shake off the iron chains and tear things to the ground.
[MENTION=6561]OrangeAppled[/MENTION] and [MENTION=5871]Southern Kross[/MENTION] - how interesting that we three have ISFJ mommas. I do relate to your posts, to the snap judgements and dominance aspect of what you share. Even as a 9, I know I have a certain control in our dynamic and I use it. I'm uncomfortable using emotions to do it, but it's the most reliable way to help channel things to a less judgmental state. My Mom will often call, heated about one thing or another, and I present alternate viewpoints, and use a subtle kind of emoting to help her see that there are (almost always) more than one way to interpret a situation, whilst still trying to preserve the emotional validity of her feeling offended in the first place.
We could probably have a great convo about all this stuff sometime ...
Anyways, back to the OP - I think the key between ascertaining what type you are is whether you resonate with reading the internal states of other people or looking for external validation and emotional cues. If talk of the inner world seems foreign to you, you are more likely an ISFJ.