lucyandhercat
New member
- Joined
- May 16, 2015
- Messages
- 1
- MBTI Type
- INTP
Married 2 years INTP F and ISTP M
He is a mechanic. He works about 70 hours per week and has for as long as I've known him.
In his spare time he always wants to be with me doing anything.
He is terrible at communicating. He can't find the right words, and when I'm upset with him (I'm still perfectly calm and trying to be gentle, but direct) he shields himself with his arms, wont speak, just makes angry huffs at me. When I just want a conversation, he can't do that either. He can make short statements which he means to be powerful, but honestly these sound stupid, naive, extremist, obvious, or horribly over used.
When he's unhappy with his job or life he does nothing about it but complain. I end up creating and submitting his resume and begging him to take phone calls to accept an interview. Then when it works out he thinks it was all him.
After we got married I would get rejected for sex a lot, and it was always under 2 minutes when it happened. I look good. I'm very young and blonde and thin and when I actually wear makeup I get hit on (by strangers) a lot. I tried everything I could to get his attention but he wasn't having it. So after a number of months I asked him about his porn habits. He was addicted to it. I was hurt deeply and incredibly angry. Regardless of your feelings on the matter of porn, he was hiding it from me, was deeply ashamed, and after a matter of months managed to stop. These months were hard because I kept discovering more things he was hiding from me. Weed (almost never used, but also never freely disclosed to me), how much of a pervert he was in general was discovered when he told me about conversations at work and when I saw his search history including looking for (nonexistant) porn of my family members. As I said, he changed. He felt so terrible when I found out that he changed (slowly) all on his own. At this point he's been porn free for almost 5 months and is much more trustworthy than he used to be. He usually tries to make me cum now. He rarely succeeds, but I do appreciate the effort and at this point I never expect to be satisfied by him anyway.
For the first 2 years we knew each other, we lived with his (ex) best friend. At first, Jake (we'll say), was fine. He had become very close to my husband and they did everything together. As my then boyfriend wanted to spend more of his free time alone with me, Jake came to hate me. Jake stole my stuff, broke my stuff, opened doors and windows whenever I turned on the AC, automatically assumed that anything that happened to his stuff was me trying to get revenge (which would accomplish what?!), complained that he was the only one doing house chores and became anal about things in the sink (after a year of me being the ONLY one who did the dishes or any other chores), while throwing things in the dishwasher (think caked on spaghetti, bowls of macaroni, and cups full of tobacco spit) without emptying or rinsing them. When he started messing with my kittens I was out. I moved in with my then fiancee's parents. Jake spent time there as well, and always spoke badly of me, to the point that my future inlaws stepped in. In all of this, my boyfriend/fiance was useless. Jake was less cruel to me when he was around, and acted like nothing was wrong when they were alone. My ISTP knew what was going on but I learned that he had never learned how to deal with conflict before, ever, and refused to do so. We cut off ties with Jake, and the wedding planning was underway, I was living with my ISTPs nice family, and I should have thought things through at that point, but I was excited to get married and thought we would be fine.
We now have a house that honestly I didn't want, but he and the inlaws and our stupid agent pressed me into, and I was young and stupid. He also got a truck that put us farther in debt. I'm on the loan, but I should have thought that through too. If he thinks he can afford it, he should afford it on his own. I drive a car that he bought for 300 and fixed some issue it had. I went into debt paying 700 for his truck down payment because I'm an idiot. He has 3 cars that don't run but could easily be sold. He means to sell them, but shit doesn't seem to get done unless I do it. Including paying regular bills, which he was ignoring when I moved in with him. He means to but between work and spending time with me he forgets everything else. He should not have a mechanic line of credit where he can buy tools and toolboxes because I don't think he's mature enough, but he does. This is the one bill that he physically pays, not me. After a few years I noticed that this debt going up instead of down. I gravely explained to him that he will stop buying tools faster than he pays for them. Yes, he makes like 3 times as much as I do but he is the reason that we can't afford groceries.
Recently I feel like I don't like him anymore. I used to love him because of the way he treats me, but now any thoughtfulness he has comes after months of nagging. I've started to complain to friends and coworkers about him, when I normally can't shut up about how sweet he is. He's noticed my touchiness, and it keeps him up. When something keeps him up, it keeps him up until I happen to wake up, see that he's awake, and help him go to sleep. So, it's been keeping me from sleeping too. I hate it when he touches me, but I let him so we can both sleep. I don't want to divorce him after I married him so young. Please keep this in mind if you reply. I'm really young and no one in my family has been divorced and I'm in his childhood town, thousands of miles from my own. I wish I had thought things through. At this moment I wish I had at least put off marrying him a few more years. I'm hoping someone has advice or helpful input, but ultimately desperate to get out of this situation.
He is a mechanic. He works about 70 hours per week and has for as long as I've known him.
In his spare time he always wants to be with me doing anything.
He is terrible at communicating. He can't find the right words, and when I'm upset with him (I'm still perfectly calm and trying to be gentle, but direct) he shields himself with his arms, wont speak, just makes angry huffs at me. When I just want a conversation, he can't do that either. He can make short statements which he means to be powerful, but honestly these sound stupid, naive, extremist, obvious, or horribly over used.
When he's unhappy with his job or life he does nothing about it but complain. I end up creating and submitting his resume and begging him to take phone calls to accept an interview. Then when it works out he thinks it was all him.
After we got married I would get rejected for sex a lot, and it was always under 2 minutes when it happened. I look good. I'm very young and blonde and thin and when I actually wear makeup I get hit on (by strangers) a lot. I tried everything I could to get his attention but he wasn't having it. So after a number of months I asked him about his porn habits. He was addicted to it. I was hurt deeply and incredibly angry. Regardless of your feelings on the matter of porn, he was hiding it from me, was deeply ashamed, and after a matter of months managed to stop. These months were hard because I kept discovering more things he was hiding from me. Weed (almost never used, but also never freely disclosed to me), how much of a pervert he was in general was discovered when he told me about conversations at work and when I saw his search history including looking for (nonexistant) porn of my family members. As I said, he changed. He felt so terrible when I found out that he changed (slowly) all on his own. At this point he's been porn free for almost 5 months and is much more trustworthy than he used to be. He usually tries to make me cum now. He rarely succeeds, but I do appreciate the effort and at this point I never expect to be satisfied by him anyway.
For the first 2 years we knew each other, we lived with his (ex) best friend. At first, Jake (we'll say), was fine. He had become very close to my husband and they did everything together. As my then boyfriend wanted to spend more of his free time alone with me, Jake came to hate me. Jake stole my stuff, broke my stuff, opened doors and windows whenever I turned on the AC, automatically assumed that anything that happened to his stuff was me trying to get revenge (which would accomplish what?!), complained that he was the only one doing house chores and became anal about things in the sink (after a year of me being the ONLY one who did the dishes or any other chores), while throwing things in the dishwasher (think caked on spaghetti, bowls of macaroni, and cups full of tobacco spit) without emptying or rinsing them. When he started messing with my kittens I was out. I moved in with my then fiancee's parents. Jake spent time there as well, and always spoke badly of me, to the point that my future inlaws stepped in. In all of this, my boyfriend/fiance was useless. Jake was less cruel to me when he was around, and acted like nothing was wrong when they were alone. My ISTP knew what was going on but I learned that he had never learned how to deal with conflict before, ever, and refused to do so. We cut off ties with Jake, and the wedding planning was underway, I was living with my ISTPs nice family, and I should have thought things through at that point, but I was excited to get married and thought we would be fine.
We now have a house that honestly I didn't want, but he and the inlaws and our stupid agent pressed me into, and I was young and stupid. He also got a truck that put us farther in debt. I'm on the loan, but I should have thought that through too. If he thinks he can afford it, he should afford it on his own. I drive a car that he bought for 300 and fixed some issue it had. I went into debt paying 700 for his truck down payment because I'm an idiot. He has 3 cars that don't run but could easily be sold. He means to sell them, but shit doesn't seem to get done unless I do it. Including paying regular bills, which he was ignoring when I moved in with him. He means to but between work and spending time with me he forgets everything else. He should not have a mechanic line of credit where he can buy tools and toolboxes because I don't think he's mature enough, but he does. This is the one bill that he physically pays, not me. After a few years I noticed that this debt going up instead of down. I gravely explained to him that he will stop buying tools faster than he pays for them. Yes, he makes like 3 times as much as I do but he is the reason that we can't afford groceries.
Recently I feel like I don't like him anymore. I used to love him because of the way he treats me, but now any thoughtfulness he has comes after months of nagging. I've started to complain to friends and coworkers about him, when I normally can't shut up about how sweet he is. He's noticed my touchiness, and it keeps him up. When something keeps him up, it keeps him up until I happen to wake up, see that he's awake, and help him go to sleep. So, it's been keeping me from sleeping too. I hate it when he touches me, but I let him so we can both sleep. I don't want to divorce him after I married him so young. Please keep this in mind if you reply. I'm really young and no one in my family has been divorced and I'm in his childhood town, thousands of miles from my own. I wish I had thought things through. At this moment I wish I had at least put off marrying him a few more years. I'm hoping someone has advice or helpful input, but ultimately desperate to get out of this situation.