Noon
New member
- Joined
- Jul 23, 2010
- Messages
- 790
@bold: I like this. To me, there's this underpinning of why one interacts with others in the way they do that feels like a deeper truth to me.
For example, there are a variety of reasons why a person would choose to be polite. From what I understand, Fe would be happy the person was being polite, maintaining a positive social aura, despite any inner reservations. Fi cares more about the reasons why one chooses to be polite, why a person does what they do, what their true feelings are.
I disagree. Fe, especially Fe-Ti, is all about understanding why people do what they do and how they do it. This reminds me of the notion that Fe users are all about ignoring the truth. I feel like Fe is only relaying the truth in a subtle, action-oriented manner; it's always there if you look closely enough, and I think that enough Fe users do. Fe naturally causes one to drift to what is implied by both what was and was not said, tone or expression [how it was said], reading between the lines and filling in the blanks. I don't believe there's any action [or non-action] that isn't scanned or examined by Fe-Ti to get the meaning/message behind it, to get to a person's true feelings and focus on content instead of solely wrapping. Fe isn't about being polite for the sake of being polite, imo, it's about framing your sentiments in a way that doesn't cause more pain or chaos than it needs to, because few small potatoes are worth so much to sidestep the entire ultimate focus or goal. (To be honest, I also don't particularly like that Fe is associated with groups. It's weird, especially for IFJs. Cultures, ideologies, social structures, languages > groups of people)
Proteanmix explained it best:
proteanmix said:I'm sensitive to ramifications, implications, and what is being communicated...what are my actions communicating to another person, what are my words communicating, what are my and the other person's discrepancies and consistencies? What are they saying to me, what do I expect of them, am I being reasonable, what can I realistically expect, what is most likely to happen between me and this other person, what kind of position am I putting them in, and conversely thinking do they realize what position they're putting me in.
I'm sensitive to power balances and tend to see people in relationship to one another and myself to another person. What am I to them?
What is this person typically like? What are their patterns of behavior and thought? What do they want? What are their beliefs and what's important to them? What are their reactions like? How do they typically react to XYZ? What is their baseline? How is this person contextually different?
What kind of tone do I want between me and this person or me and this group of people? How do I approach them?
How is this person or group of people going to fit in my life? How am I going to "zone" them? How much of myself, my energy and my thoughts do I give to them?
What is the context and history between these people, or between myself and this person? What's their background? How do our backgrounds intersect?
How likely is our pattern of interaction with each other to change, is it worth changing, am I invested enough to change myself enough to adapt? Are they invested enough to change?
What's going on in this person's head, why do they think the way they do, how aligned are we, where do we agree/disagree?
The resolution on this can get finer and finer, I can zoom into ONE particular relationship and start dissecting that.
What do things mean between me and this person? What are our personal symbols? What does it mean when we say this or do that? How do I show I care? How do they show me they care? How deeply have they penetrated me and vice versa? How open and free can we be with each other? Do I feel judged? Do they feel judged? Do they feel they can come to me, feel safe with me? Do I feel likewise? How much can be left unsaid between us and how much needs to be explicit? What does it mean when we leave things unsaid...is it trust or something else? How much trust do we have established? Is it OK for me to say that I feel this negative emotion or I need XYZ? Should I expect them to fulfill me this way? Should they expect me to fulfill them in this way, etc. etc.
I have always felt that as a Fe-dom, I'm operating on multiple tracks. Consciously, I tend to operate on these levels, no particular order of importance and I hope that people can see the distinction between these very similar outlooks:
* how I see me (looking at myself)
* how other people see me (other people looking at me)
* how I see other people seeing me (looking at someone looking at me)
* how I see myself towards other people (looking at me and another person together as a fly on the wall)