have you ever feel frustrated over the fact that you have such a world of ideas & passion within yourself, but somehow just unable to share it with the people around you, especially to the ones you sincerely care about?
I feel frustrated when I attempt to share these, but am not able to do so adequately. This does not make me feel lonely, so much as frustrated with myself. It spurs creativity though, and I appreciate that aspect of it. I do feel lonely when I manage to find a way to articulate my ideas/passion and no one seems to care. It's less about needing acknowledgment for coming up with them (as they aren't necessarily brilliant), as realizing that no one is really interested in connecting on that level. I need to share my inner world, definitely. Fortunately, at most points in my life,
someone was interested, if I had the courage to share. It just has not always been the people I wanted to respond...
In your pursuit to be true to yourself as an individual, have you ever wish to be more 'normal', to conform & blend among the crowd?
I don't see myself as abnormal or strange, as I just do what makes sense to me (my sig is tongue in cheek
). I have wished that some people would not expect my way to be exactly as their own way. I've never wanted to blend in so much as be appreciated for who I am without having to put on a facade, and to connect over things I value. With age, I appreciate external standards more & don't necessarily see them as an obstacle to being myself, and I have found that asserting my individuality
is appreciated by others. Only in those tender teen years do I think peer pressure is a problem; I rejected the pressure & really made
myself an outcast as the solution. At the time, I did not see it that way though, but it was giving up.
Have you ever tried just that (conforming), then feel completely off for pretending to be someone you're not, and ended up hating yourself for it?
Yes....mainly I've done this on job interviews, by taking advice to dress & act & speak a certain way in order to impress. I've also done the "be yourself" bit, which doesn't work either. I'm not sure which is worse to be rejected for... I do feel best when I "stay true to myself" and all that cute stuff, but I don't think I am so special that I have to pretend to be something I am not to connect with others. The more I embrace who I am, I think the more others embrace it (aw, that's cute also).