Oh, I found THIS post
These are problems I have experienced in INFJs I know in person. I'm not saying this is what all INFJs are like or that these points even sum up these individuals (who DO have good qualities), but I see these as "common issues" in INFJs.
Anyone want to cop to some of these (even if to lesser degree), explain how you get over these negative tendencies, etc?
I've included some points from a Ni description which seem to explain the "root" of some of these issues.
1. General paranoia. Example: everyone is out to get them for no good reason. All of their problems are due to these people who are out to get them, and there is absolutely nothing they have done to spur these people, of course. In reality, these people may not like them, but they are ignoring the INFJ, not out to get them; OR the INFJ has given them a reason to react that way.
"Have little awareness of the facts of the external world... the world of facts are far removed for them, and they try to confine their contact with these things to the aspects which they can regulate as they like. Everything else appears to them as suspicious, as something they must defend themselves against."
"The influence of reason is inconsistent & self-centered....and the knowledge behind their thoughts is often incomplete.....they may force a line of reasoning that ends up being unclear and contradictory."
I'm not even remotely paranoid. I don't blame my problems or the things I've been through on anyone; there may be some things where others play a part but it's almost never entirely their fault. I am very much concerned with knowing the facts about anything I say or talk about, as much as I am able, and I try not to make any solid statements about something I'm not very knowledgeable about, while admitting that I am nowhere near being an expert on the subject (like economics). I express myself clearly and try to maintain a high degree of internal and external consistency.
2. Selfishness & in denial about it. Playing tyrant/victim, whichever suits them to get their way. They pat themselves on the back for being so "giving", but they only give in ways that suits them (ie. benefits them also in some way), not according to what people truly need & are even asking for.
" Egotism, and a desire to dominate, may cause them to use these requirements of an ideal relationship to benefit their own agenda."
That's not me at all, I don't like manipulation and I don't give in order to get; it is nice to get back but I don't require it, I just do it because I want to, and they don't even have to say "Thank you." for it to be worthwhile to me.
3. They will not take personal responsibility* for any problem in their life or any negative effect they have on others; they are always blaming something outside themselves.
That's definitely not me. The majority of the time I am well aware of the consequences of my actions, and in any case where I'm not, I'm fine with someone else pointing it out. I don't think I am flawless, and I have no problem with apologizing.
4. General Delusion*. They will see nothing but what they want to see, which is a majorly distorted perspective completely at odds with the reality of the world. See quote for #1.
I always try to see things the way they are, I don't fool myself to make myself feel better or make me look perfect, even if it's only in my own eyes.
5. They are not simply sensitive to criticism; they refuse to acknowledge they have flaws at all or that they have any blame in a situation, period. Yet, they criticize others heavily & have high expectations for them that they could never meet themselves.
"They may make demands on others without being prepared to meet the same demands themselves."
As I mentioned before, I'm open to correction, and will at least consider what someone has to say. Even if I disagree, I will explain why and try to be detailed enough for them to understand me, as opposed to just outright dismissal. If the person still insists I'm wrong about something, I basically say "Let's just agree to disagree here." and not keep circular arguments going.
I do have high standards but honestly, they are considerably higher for myself than others because I know I cannot control how others work, and also they may not have the same strengths as me, so I'm not unrealistic with what I expect from others.
6. They make promises or state intentions they either cannot keep or don't intend to keep, mainly to get others to do what they want. When they are called on these promises, they get mad at people for being "demanding"* & accuse them of not being supportive of them by expecting too much. I see this as a form of manipulation, even if not intentional.
"Seek to regulate everything according to their own ideas...
Apt to be tyrants within their own small circle...
Rather than adapt themselves to others, they will limit their contact with those who do not agree with them..."
I think all of this is downright awful. If I make a promise I do my absolute best to keep it, and in the off chance I can't, I say I'm really sorry and explain why I couldn't do it; that almost never happens though, and the few times it does it's because of something dependent on timing if I might end up having to do something necessary last minute that wasn't planned for.
7. INSANE double standards. For example, only the INFJ is allowed to be hurt; if they hurt you & you communicate this, then they act hurt that you'd dare imply they are even capable of hurting someone (see inability to accept criticism, even if that means they will invalidate others' feelings & trample their needs). Other kinds of double standards they flex include holding other people to standards they themselves fail to meet & likely never will. See quote for #5.
same as my answer for #5. Also, even if I think someone's feelings about something are not logical, I don't invalidate them because I explain how I understand they came to feel that way. Like if I say something that's unintentionally hurtful (mostly this happens in text-only communication though, from lack of intonation and body language and all that), I apologize and explain what I meant in a different way to make sure they aren't hurt by it. I hate hurting others and would do anything to avoid it or correct it when it happens. I know with some things it is inevitable though, like if it's something really personal, but even still, I try to be very tactful and respectful about it. I don't sugar-coat things and I say what needs to be said, but I am careful to not come across as arrogant and presumptuous, and I also try to address any possible misunderstandings before they even have the chance to happen.