Here's a two-fold question for all INFJs and INFJ-minded people.
[1]: Does it bother you much if people (familiar or strange) make assumptions about you or your way of life?
[2]: Do you ever find yourself acting against these assumptions, just to prove them wrong?
Just asking since I feel that my INFJ has almost a phobia of people assuming things of her. She says she feels they are trying to pressure her into some generic mold and it's an insult to her independency. Any of this sounds familiar? How do you deal with it? How do others deal with you?
[1.] No. When I was a child, yes, I was very sensitive to it. Over time I learned not to care. Friends or lovers misunderstanding core aspects of my personality would raise a red flag in terms of how close we truly were, but I'd address it immediately to make sure we were on the same- or similar - page. Semantics and emotional associations on both sides can certainly cloud communication & judgement.
In the end, if people's minds are made up about who they think I am, I don't particularly give a fuck. I don't allow it to impact my life.
[2.] When I was younger, yes, I would challenge assumptions made about me. But again, over time, I just realized it truly has no value to me. It's a waste of energy. I don't feel as if I owe the world some explanation for my existence, nor am I entitled to be deeply understood and valued by the world- so to expect that & be distraught when those expectations of total strangers go unmet is simply.. inapplicable to me or how I respond to situations. Projecting my own preconceived ideals about how people should interact, giving them emotional leverage over me they may not have even wanted in the first place.. is just a mental clusterfuck, to me. I'd feel stupid allowing myself to get upset over some total stranger assuming things about me/my life. Same goes for my family- since those relationships tend to have an air of ambivalence, & various biases due to fixed roles. It just seems unreasonable to expect that much of others by default.
I mean, people will always try to have one another "pegged." we
want to understand. Even when both sides believe they "get" one another, there's a high likelihood that there are dimensions internally/externally that they fail to grasp or even see. The most you can do is try. When it counts. Other than that, what difference does it make?
Unless it's a potential employer to some minor extent, or a friend/lover (in which case I don't act out- I talk it out to see how they think, so I can get an idea of how they see. What they see.. because obviously I've missed something about them, as well, if they were to surprise me with incongruent feedback that late in the game) it just doesn't play a significant role in my life.
And that's the point. In the end, this life is mine, no one else's. So I let shit like that go.
Learning to laugh helps. Most will just laugh with you, even if they're not entirely sure why.
Find her some xSTP friends. They're basically unlicensed professors of Not Giving A Fuckery.
Very freeing, indeed.