I've never thought about how others use the term but I use it when I, in fact, wish not to infer any value judgement. Its meant to be a "neutral" statement of choice. I can see where some might take it as a negative one if saying, for instance, "drinking is not part of our lifestyle" but that interpretation lies with them. I could as easily say, "dancing is not part of our lifestyle" or "dancing is a big part of our lifestyle." So, it depends on the activity referred to I guess but, again, I don't intend it to be a value statement.
Neat, thanks for offering an alterna... um, different point of view!
I had never really heard the term outside of application by religious folks to homosexuals and transgenders, but I have been immersed in conservative religious culture my entire life so I did not know how the phrase circulates outside of that subculture. So I will have to be on the lookout for more neutral uses of the phrase.
The things you mention seem to be separate activities -- and definitely expressions of choice rather than need or nature (i.e., you looked around until you found an activity you liked), so I guess then people who group their lives around a particular activity, sport, or even a religion/philosophy could be said to be living a "lifestyle."
I was just forced to consider it again when a family member used it to refer to me and my situation, and I found myself very bothered by it.
First, the word "alternate" automatically assumes that the speaker's choice of lifestyle should be the norm... and these other things are posers or replacements of some sort.
Second, it insinuates that a person looked around for something they enjoyed or believed in, then bought into it and have centered large parts of their life around it. Speaking as trans (but it carries over to homosexuals, probably), I didn't shop around for something "pleasing/pleasurable," nor did I just pick something from the Smorgasbord of Life as a thing for me to pursue because I happened to like it. It's just a hard reality of my life that this is where I am and what I'm dealing with. The life I want to live would be just as instinctive (rather than "chosen out of interest") as anyone's who is not in my situation. Which means it would be legitimate, rather than just a fancy.
Third, my life in every other respect isn't changing. There is no "alternate lifestyle." If all goes according to my wishes, my lifestyle would end up being indistinguishable from anyone else in my culture. I am not seeking for anything "alternate" at all.
And although I spend a lot of time thinking and talking about it at the moment (in the middle of the process), afterwards it's not like I want to immerse myself in parties, boat trips, pageants, and other things belonging to the trans subculture -- which, when taken to that extreme, might be a "lifestyle."
But then again, some religious faiths do the same thing and build up a lifestyle (not just morality, but what they do, who they associate with, what activities they pursue) around their beliefs.
Those are the three things I've thought of so far why it might not really be applicable.
In any case, the whole thing made me consider the potential uses and purpose of such a phrase -- why did it evolve, and what roles does it serve in discussion and human social politics?