How do you relate to others and groups?
In a group I am usually pretty quiet, the smaller the group, the more likely I am to contribute to conversation. I don't enjoy group settings, I prefer talking to people one on one or not at all. I can be very open about personal things, I talk about myself a lot and am not great at engaging others for long periods unless there is mutual understanding and curiosity that keeps the conversation flowing. I do not have many friends, I get along with people initially well but either I lose interest or they do, or I perceive a slight and don't pursue the friendship much after that. I have a handful of acquaintenances, and I am married to someone who I consider my best friend. He and I have always been on the same wavelength and "just get" each other well. Not really close to my family, I have a decent relationship with my parents, but there is a lot of hurt in the past there.
How do you act when you are alone? I daydream a lot - I have conversations between myself and people I know in my head, how they would play out if I actually spoke to them haha. I like to research odd topics and Google them exhaustively when I get interested in something. I love the theoretical and imaginative, topics such as the supernatural, fantasy, sci-fi, etc. I watch movies of this type, love to read both fiction and non-fiction as long as the topic is interesting. If it is my choice to do something productive or slack off, nine times out of ten I'll take the slacking route, though I can be a hard worker and productive when it is required of me. The only thing that can trump being lazy in my spare time is being creative, I love to be doing something as long as there is some creativity involved. I value my spare time and hate having it infringed upon.
How do you approach problems/conflicts (yours and others)? Hmm, genuine conflicts that get me out of my comfort zone I tend to ignore and hope they go away. I can be passive aggressive, but I have to really be pushed to that point. I can be very critical and "whine" when upset about something, especially if my principles are violated, but even if my feelings are hurt or I'm not getting my way necessarily, I will complain but not in a constructive way, usually more under my breath. I have many times felt ignored or mistreated by friends, and then I disappear for awhile to see if anyone notices or how much I am appreciated. I hate confrontation, I get physically sick and my heart races/palms itch - basically have a panic attack - if I am being verbally abused. My feelings can be very fragile depending on who is doing the berating. I simultaneously want friendships and don't... I feel nobody understands me or really accepts me more than on a superficial level (if even then), but my soul goes through bouts of loneliness, where I feel compelled to reach out. When I am happier, I am content not having friends much at all. When I do get the guts to engage in a confrontation I can be very volatile, emotional, I cry when stressed or angry, and I shake uncontrollably (not out of anger but more anxiety.) I intensely dislike conflict unless it is imagined and/or I feel I have some level of control in it.
How do you approach emotions (yours and others')?
I am very emotional, but I keep them in for the most part. I don't like to be emotional in front of others because I feel insecure or ashamed - I do show emotion, but usually it is restrained. I analyze how I am feeling constantly, like inside I am a raging sea, being held together by something as flimsy as cellophane, a thin barrier that prevents the overflow from reaching the surface and being seen by others. Certain people can push my buttons, then I am very emotional in front of them - I have been accused of being controlled by my emotions by these people, and perhaps that is why I try so hard to reign them in, because they would overwhelm me if I didn't. As for others emotions, I am just as uncomfortable by them - I am very empathetic as in I feel what others feel very intensely inside myself, but when it comes to translating that into meaningful communication be it comfort, comradary, etc. I just have a difficult time with that. Hugs and expressions of affection can make me uncomfortable unless I feel fully bonded to someone (which I don't except my husband). I feel more in touch with my emotions when I am sad or depressed - I enjoy the occasional lightness of happiness, but oftentimes in my life when I should be experiencing joy I feel I am experiencing it from behind a window, like I see it and understand it, but don't feel it as strongly as I believe I should be if that makes sense.
How do you approach goals? I've reached many of my life goals already, so I am always setting smaller ones for myself since the big ones have been achieved. I can be very tenacious and strong willed when I want something, but I also have a pattern in my life of abandoning things I have been working towards when I feel overwhelmed. I do not do well with stress, and prefer an easy route if hard work isn't getting me there fast enough. I dropped out of college and within a month had a position in the field I was getting my degree in, because I was talented enough I guess. I have been in that industry for 10 years and have accomplished a fair amount as far as recognition for my work. Even though I am complimented often on my work, I am very critical of myself and it is never good enough (I work in a creative field). I feel others have low standards and that is why they feel my work is good, not because I am especially good. But then there are times I feel I am obviously good or people wouldn't say so - my self-confidence waffles, and is all or nothing, either I feel completely incompetent in my creativity, or I feel I am excellent, never mediocre. Last year I started my own business - I shut it down after 10 months because it was too successful (not enough for me to quit my full time job, but I was working every weekend and had no free time left). I always have big goals, big dreams, and start off at full sprint in trying to achieve them, but I get bored quick and go to the next thing if there isn't any recognition or appreciation for what I have done up to that point.
What is your MBTI type? I am 99% sure I am an INFP. I am pretty solidly convinced of my E-type including the variant stacking, but I'll hold off on saying what it is... for now