I have a plan to harness the mania and never crash
Hey prplchknz!
You know, I had that same plan for a veeeerrrrryyyy long time.
It sounds good, in fact - it sounds GREAT...however...
What goes UP, must come DOWN.
Believe me, if anyone has ever embraced mania in its purest, most extreme form it's me.
After years, and years and YEARS of staying up, up, up all the time with little down time in between - my biochemistry changed.
Maybe aging had something to do with it; I honestly don't know - but I can tell you this, when I finally did crash, I crashed HARD and I burrrrned - and then I did it all over again...
BUT...
On the next upward bounce I was a bit wary, I tried to level off (not always successfully) and for some reason it made sense, and I kept chasing that.
Crash and burn, crash and burn, up and up and up I went and id it all again.
About a decade later I found what I know as a
"middle ground" - a state where I can enjoy the best parts of the gift that is mania, but keep myself from throttling through the roof of it.
And that's really the weird part.
Why would you want to stop the upward momentum, right?
In my case, it was because at some point I realized that each time I tried to level off the throttle, whenever the next crash and burn happened, it was closer to a
"fender bender" than a
"head on collision."
Eventually the time in between crashes gets longer and longer, and the severity of each crash becomes less and less, and the burn of each crash goes from an inferno to a mild burn that heals quickly, at least for me it did. I hope something similarly awesome happens for you very soon.
I am not preaching, and I can't say what the right choice is for you with any medication whatsoever, but I do sincerely wish for you to find relief, and to be happy, and to be well.
Just keep trying! Embrace all the good you know, and don't give up hope, at some point waiting things out and trying to find a good place pays off, it's just a different recipe for each one of us.
Take care, and keep the faith.
-Halla74