I tend to think of emotion processing in three stages: the physical sensation that’s felt in your body (heart racing, face flushing, etc.), the naming of that sensation (I feel…), and then the aftermath of the sensation that might include analysis of your response to the emotion, what triggered it, and, if you’re unhappy with your response, ways that you might try to react differently in the future when feeling something similar. I think it’s possible for people to feel more adept at different stages of this process, like maybe being skilled in recognizing those distinct physical sensations that go along with each emotion and then being able to name it, but then struggling to really analyze the aftermath and form a deeper understanding of it. Someone else might really struggle with the recognition of the emotion and naming it in the moment, but then might at a later point (maybe with help) finally be able to name that emotion and then spend a lot of time trying to analyze it. Then there are those who might be skilled or unskilled in all three stages of the process.
Applying this to myself, I would say that I’m pretty bad at processing my own emotions, and tend to struggle most with the first two stages. Unless the emotion is “big†(like I’m really happy, or really sad, or really stressed), I tend to feel pretty neutral and calm and don’t notice that something is building. I notice this most with stress/anxiety where I might be experiencing low levels for a while, but not fully feel the sensations and be able to name what’s going on until a certain threshold is reached. And then at that point everything boils over and I’m trying to deal with a flood of emotion that would have been more manageable if I had caught it earlier. For the longest time I also didn’t know how manage the emotion when this would happen and relied on unhealthy methods for coping (invalidation/repression, negative self-talk, self-harm), but I have gotten much better with this. I do think that once I’ve reached that threshold and things boil over, I’m then able to recognize what’s going on, name what I’m feeling, and analyze the aftermath. But really, I know that unless I actively work on applying what I’ve learned from the analysis stage (recognizing triggers, checking in with myself during calmer periods), I’m just going to end up repeating the cycle, so I don’t think analyzing is truly beneficial without also having a decent grasp of those first two stages.
Interesting bc a lot of this is just like with me actually. I don't read the feelings in localised body parts, but more as holistic states, but otherwise yeah. I'm like you, I feel neutral and calm, or there is a big obvious emotion. Sometimes I get to catch a little bit of the emotion, or whatever it is, I think of it as top of the iceberg but god really knows, that's just my suspicion that that's what it is. That can be also very useful then ofc. But yeah when I see the big obvious emotion is when I'm able to analyse it the most effectively. It's just how it is, I will just never be a very emotional person who needs to tune into every little feeling for long or be able to learn much that way, or a person who will learn all of the feelings fast. So I learn gradually and then I'm able to tune into the little stuff too for a short time when the feeling and its context is already known by me, and at that point I don't need longer than that, either. But I would say it's useful to notice these newly learnt things for a short time without sinking in them, it makes me more flexible in some behaviours, in thinking and stuff.
Can I ask, what do you consider invalidation? Because I gave it a very honest long try to see what happens if I go into the feelings more instead of "invalidating" them. And I found it was not enough alone, I had to go back to "invalidating" as the last part of the processing of them. But then I don't know how we define invalidation, do you have a definition of it?
And also where you put it like "if you’re unhappy with your response, ways that you might try to react differently in the future when feeling something similar" and then you say the analysing won't be beneficial on its own. Well for me "might try to react" sounds very inconclusive and unsatisfactory. For me the analysis ends in an action plan and that is where the feeling gets "invalidated" but I am increasingly seeing it as just setting boundaries for it rationally. And then when I got there I am able to react differently the next time. Until then no, until then it's just like, I'll recognise it next time but not know the right and satisfactory response that keeps boundaries better.
So, again, what's the difference between rational boundaries and invalidation of a feeling?
(Anyone else can answer too if reading this post. Thanks, I'm interested in the thoughts.)