Siúil a Rúin
when the colors fade
- Joined
- Apr 23, 2007
- Messages
- 14,045
- MBTI Type
- ISFP
- Enneagram
- 496
- Instinctual Variant
- sp/sx
I think a lot of people are reading it the way you describe. An emotional/physiological response to someone has little or nothing to do with love in my set of assumptions. Falling in love is a series of choices in the best interest of another person. That's why I phrased it like that - because it requires a series of choices. I think it is interpreted as "getting a crush" which is Hollywood's definition of love. It's also possible to control that based on one's decision to keep thinking about it or to think about something else.I think you phrased it poorly. You're talking about pursuing a relationship. Falling in love =/= pursuing a relationship. You can technically fall in love with someone, but then choose not to do anything about it. You also can't just decide to love someone you're not already drawn to. Basically, falling in love is a reaction, but pursuing it is a choice. Does that make sense?
Edit: I also think the process of being drawn to someone does not have to be entirely unconscious. You notice something they did you admire, and so then you notice a skill. The first impression doesn't have to have a significant emotional impact. It can be a series of information that eventually forms a complete picture of someone you respect or who you think will understand you or reciprocate intimacy. It doesn't have to be mysterious or intensely emotional until a series of decisions eventually define it as love.
That is probably fodder for another thread, but yes, that is exactly what I think it is. I think there was another thread about nonreciprocating love and whether or not it fits the definition of love. Love that involves marriage, a life partner, raising children, etc. is most definitely based on actions and choices. The emotions will run the full gamut in many cases. The sweaty palms and butterflies in the stomach is more about self identity and whether or not oneself will be met with approval by another.You almost talk as if love were an action rather than a feeling...